I appreciate you, and others, expressing this kind of thought. I had sexual experiences years ago that were basically non-consensual, and I hadn't really understood that until my current partner asked me whether I'd ever thought about them that way. I hadn't, and once I did some things made a lot of sense. Why I am incapable of asking for what I want or saying no to what I don't want (or even figuring out what those things are), both sexually and in many other circumstances. Why the idea of interacting with one of my long-time friends made me so uncomfortable but unable to articulate or understand why.

I'm pretty sure that nobody involved intended to anything non-consensual. I do think those involved were some combination of thoughtless and uncaring, while I was dependent and un-self-aware. But no matter why it happened, I didn't realize that I'd had sex that was basically non-consensual for many years, and when I did it really broke me for a while. I'm still recovering, and still trying to figure out how to recover.

Edited at 2016-12-08 04:46 pm (UTC)

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