So after poking around some more on FetLife, The Facebook of Kinksters, it is actually terribly designed.
At first, it looks awesome, because it's really gender-friendly (nine options for gender, going all the way to "Genderqueer" and "Intersex"), has tons of available fetishes for you to choose from (I'd never heard of Dacryphilia - "being aroused by tears" - but damn if there aren't 1,800 people into it), and is really well laid out, with the opportunity to post multiple pictures (kinky or not), long essays, and generally a nice site design.
In fact, the site seems wonderfully friendly to verbose people - most of the profile pages have long essays, meaning that brains trump bodies here.
The only problem is that you can't fucking find anyone.
All the other sex sites I know allow you to find people in your area, with a radius of searching - "All folks within 25 miles." FetLife, on the other hand, searches by city and state - so if I want to find all my crazy pals in Rocky River, no problem. But if I want to see who else is near to me, I then have to remember that my next-door neighbor cities are Fairview Park and Lakewood. And then keep clicking each city on an expanding radius.
Basically, I need a fucking map to use this thing.
Worse, the results can't be further filtered. If I'm only interested in people between 27 and 65, I have no way to filter out the many 19-year-olds who are probably not only a tad too young for me, but would be creeped out by Old Man Ferrett gawking at them. And if I'm straight and only want to find women, well, no filter. Everyone comes up.
Worse, if I'm searching on one of these many fetishes, I can't filter by location. So if my deepest fetish is "cow tipping," and there are 1,000 members who are intrigued by the erotic art of bovine degravitation, I have to hunt through a thousand profiles in Sacramento, CA and Birmingham, AL and Perth, Australia. If I'm looking for someone else in Ohio to drive out to Amish country, put on the Chick Fil-A suit, and put my shoulder to the leather? Fucking forget it, man.
Perhaps the option exists. But as a casual user, I see it nowhere. If there's not a Cow-Tipping Coming Out event in your area where you can browse members, you're pretty much fucked.
And that robs FetLife of one of its greatest strengths: If I want to find a play partner in my area, and I have a specific kink I want hit, how do I find it? Well, I have to put in hours of combing through virtual yellow pages, checking hundreds of users and hoping I remember that Hamilton, though it is in Ohio, is actually a four-hour drive away.
Having all these people is nice and wonderful, but when it comes to finding your kinktastic soulmate? I ain't impressed. They may have done it for privacy reasons - but if so, why have the results public?
Just give me a damn ability to find all the cow-tippers within fifty miles of me, and I'll moo with pleasure. As it is, I've got a beef with these guys.