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  <title>The Watchtower of Destruction: The Ferrett's Journal</title>
  <subtitle>Pop Goes The Weasel 'Cause The Weasel Goes Arf</subtitle>
  <author>
    <email>theferrett@theferrett.com</email>
    <name>The Ferrett</name>
  </author>
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  <updated>2013-05-20T14:28:20Z</updated>
  <lj:journal userid="711176" username="theferrett" type="personal"/>
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  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:theferrett:1819950</id>
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    <title>Why Seemingly Small Changes Never Get Made, Or: Technological Debt, Explained</title>
    <published>2013-05-20T14:28:04Z</published>
    <updated>2013-05-20T14:28:20Z</updated>
    <content type="html">&lt;p&gt;If you were to log into StarCityGames about two years back, you&amp;#8217;d have logged in with your username.  And once you&amp;#8217;d chosen your username, you could never ever change it.  If you had, in a fit of pique, chosen &amp;#8220;SirPoopyhead&amp;#8221; as your user name, that was what you&amp;#8217;d have to use forever.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The reason you couldn&amp;#8217;t change it was because of a silly choice that had been made back in the year 2000, when we&amp;#8217;d first purchased our shopping cart software.  The people who had designed that shopping cart decided to use the login name as the unique way of determining who you were &amp;#8211; and when we&amp;#8217;d created our own customized shopping cart, we hadn&amp;#8217;t changed that.  So for all intents and purposes, that arbitrary string of characters &amp;#8211; &amp;#8220;SirPoopyhead&amp;#8221; &amp;#8211; was the single factor that made you you.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Problem is, that&amp;#8217;s actually terrible design.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;See, on the back end of an application, we have literally hundreds of places where we store the answer to the question, &amp;#8220;What customer did this?&amp;#8221;  What customer placed this order? What customer tried to log in at 4:56:15 am?  What customer ordered a Premium subscription?  What customer has $14.15 in store credit?  And the answer to each of those questions, each answer stored in a separate location, was &amp;#8220;SirPoopyhead.&amp;#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The problem is that if we changed that string of characters to, say, &amp;#8220;SirGalahad,&amp;#8221; then we&amp;#8217;d have to manually change that string in every one of the hundreds of tables that referenced it.  If we forgot to update just one table (or something went wrong in the middle of all these updates), then somewhere lurking in our database there would be a bunch of records that referenced the now-no-longer existing &amp;#8220;SirPoopyhead,&amp;#8221; which means that we&amp;#8217;d have lost data.  This could be very troubling if we were asking the question, &amp;#8220;What customer had paid us money?&amp;#8221; when we needed to give you a refund.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;And with every new feature we added, this problem got worse.  We added gift certificates, so here&amp;#8217;s yet another place we need to store &amp;#8220;SirPoopyhead.&amp;#8221;  We added wishlists, each of which was duly recorded under &amp;#8220;SirPoopyhead.&amp;#8221;  Hundreds, thousands, of locations each keyed to this arbitrary string of letters.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Worse, turns out logins are a &lt;em&gt;terrible idea&lt;/em&gt;.  Customers forget their logins all the time, having made them up to check out.  If their login was associated with an old email address, they might not even be able to get access to their old login without manual intervention.  We literally had, in some cases, customers who&amp;#8217;d created &lt;em&gt;twelve separate accounts&lt;/em&gt; because they kept forgetting what their login was supposed to be.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;No, what we needed was a nice clean email login like Facebook.  Everybody remembers their emails.  But people change their email addresses a lot &amp;#8211; and as noted, having to constantly change &amp;#8220;SirPoopyhead@hotmail.com&amp;#8221; to something else had a nonzero risk of something going wrong.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;What you need, as it turns out, is a unique ID to reference each customer that &lt;em&gt;never changes&lt;/em&gt;!  You!  SirPoopyhead!   You&amp;#8217;re now customer #123456, and every question we&amp;#8217;ll ever ask about you now returns the answer, &amp;#8220;Customer #123456.&amp;#8221;   Then you can change your email, you can change your login, you can change anything you want &amp;#8211; all we&amp;#8217;ll be doing is looking up the information for Customer #123456.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;But.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;em&gt;But&lt;/em&gt;.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Come this point in our shopping cart&amp;#8217;s development, we had literally thousands of places in the code that used the login name instead of the customer ID to answer questions.  And it wasn&amp;#8217;t as simple as a &amp;#8220;search-and-replace&amp;#8221;; some of these were complex queries that we&amp;#8217;d completely have to rewrite from scratch.  And then, because we&amp;#8217;re responsible website owners, we&amp;#8217;d want to test all of these changes thoroughly to make sure nothing got broken.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Yet if we wanted to do this, we&amp;#8217;d have to do it soon.  Because we were hiring more and more programmers, and adding new features daily, each of which referenced &amp;#8220;SirPoopyhead.&amp;#8221;  The longer we put this change off, the more places we&amp;#8217;d have to change the code.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;That&amp;#8217;s what&amp;#8217;s called &lt;em&gt;technological debt&lt;/em&gt;.  Thanks to a bad decision made literally twelve years ago, we had a ton of code that caused us to have to jump through a lot of hoops for what seemed like it should be a simple thing.  And every month that went by without changing this sprawling, underlying code was another month&amp;#8217;s worth of updates that would also, eventually, have to be changed.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;What followed next was a tedious and gruellng five-week project where I looked through each of the hundreds of thousands of lines of code that touched literally every page on StarCityGames.com, changing instances of &amp;#8220;login name&amp;#8221; to &amp;#8220;customer ID.&amp;#8221;  You cannot understand how magnificently boring this was.  There are fun things a programmer can do, usually learning new techniques or doing something flashy &amp;#8211; this was basically me, being a smart search-and-replace, doing something a computer wasn&amp;#8217;t &lt;em&gt;quite&lt;/em&gt; equipped to do.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;When it was done, we ran some conversion scripts, and then rolled it out.  Zingo!  To you, the customer, the only change was that there was now a notification saying, &amp;#8220;Please log in using your email.&amp;#8221;  But to the back end, there was literally a whole new day.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;That&amp;#8217;s why it&amp;#8217;s sometimes hard to change software.  How difficult could it be to change your user name?  Well, as it turns out, thanks to factors that are hard to explain to your average customer, it can be incredibly hard &amp;#8211; an unpleasant task requiring weeks to fix, one that adds almost no new features whatsoever, one that can introduce bugs into stable sections of code that haven&amp;#8217;t had problems in years&amp;#8230;. yet one that ultimately needs to get done in order to make way for bigger changes later on.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;em&gt;That&amp;#8217;s&lt;/em&gt; why programming is weird.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p style="text-align: right"&gt;&lt;small&gt;Cross-posted from &lt;a href="http://www.theferrett.com/ferrettworks/2013/05/why-seemingly-small-changes-never-get-made-or-technological-debt/" title="Read Original Post"&gt;Ferrett's Real Blog&lt;/a&gt;.&lt;/small&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

&lt;span style="font-size: smaller;"&gt;This entry has also been posted at &lt;a href="http://theferrett.dreamwidth.org/303537.html"&gt;http://theferrett.dreamwidth.org/303537.html&lt;/a&gt;. You can comment here, or comment there; makes no never-mind by me.&lt;/span&gt;</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:theferrett:1819692</id>
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    <title>Why It Might Take A Year Before I Have Sex With You, And That&amp;#8217;s Okay</title>
    <published>2013-05-19T17:11:28Z</published>
    <updated>2013-05-19T17:14:12Z</updated>
    <category term="polyamory"/>
    <content type="html">&lt;p&gt;My poly bureaucracy creeps slow. &lt;em&gt;Very&lt;/em&gt; slow. This is for my wife and girlfriend&amp;#8217;s protection, because I am a dumbass.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;See, I have a tendency of assuming that emotional intimacy == compatibility. Yes, it feels wonderfully cozy that we share all of these fears and concerns and relationship patterns, and finding your most sensitive feelings reflected in someone else is a beautiful thing.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The problem is that &lt;em&gt;I&amp;#8217;m fucking crazy&lt;/em&gt;. So finding someone I &lt;em&gt;really&lt;/em&gt; resonate with immediately? It usually means they&amp;#8217;re as bad as I am, and that we&amp;#8217;re actually going to exacerbate each others&amp;#8217; issues.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I&amp;#8217;ve been known to dive head-first into relationships without checking for compatibility first, just sort of assuming that because we have A Connection it&amp;#8217;s going to work out. Then, after months of daily fights, me wringing my hands 24/7 about WHY WON&amp;#8217;T SHE UNDERSTAND, and an eventual slow death by slices, I&amp;#8217;ve learned that I need to spend more time getting to know people before I start getting committed&amp;#8230;. if only so my wife isn&amp;#8217;t obligated to play psychotherapist for me when things turn sideways.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;So there&amp;#8217;s a six-month cooldown time in place, where we can make out but not have Teh Sexx0r&amp;#8230; and usually that cooldown time stretches to nine months, or even a year, as we just take it slow and not rush getting permissions.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The big question is, why don&amp;#8217;t I find this limitation confining?&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Part of it is, of course, is that I chose this lifestyle. This isn&amp;#8217;t an externally-produced ruleset, created in a process tantamount to blackmail; it&amp;#8217;s one I helped shape, because after a series of four disastrous relationships that imploded messily across my poly web, I took an honest look and said, &amp;#8220;Okay, that&amp;#8217;s a bad pattern, what&amp;#8217;s a potential fix?&amp;#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;But more importantly, sex is the least important bit for me.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Don&amp;#8217;t get me wrong; anyone who&amp;#8217;s ever made out with me will tell you that I&amp;#8217;m passionate as hell. But sex is something that&amp;#8217;s common; particularly in the kink communities, it&amp;#8217;s not particularly difficult to get. If you&amp;#8217;re open about your desires, reasonably personable, and are sapiosexual as I am, you&amp;#8217;ll have a lot of options.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;What I can&amp;#8217;t get elsewhere is &lt;em&gt;you&lt;/em&gt;.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Sure, maybe I&amp;#8217;ll spend nine months hanging out with you on our once-a-month dates, getting to know each other&amp;#8230; but that&amp;#8217;s the best part. For me, &amp;#8220;getting to know people&amp;#8221; is an activity I find desirable &lt;em&gt;in and of itself&lt;/em&gt;. Chatting, snuggling, dining out&amp;#8230; that&amp;#8217;s all stuff I like. And the level of flirtation/innuendo is a beautiful spice for that.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;If and when we eventually hook up, that&amp;#8217;s gonna be a wondrous new layer to what we share, and not the entirety of it. So I&amp;#8217;m perfectly okay waiting for &lt;em&gt;that&lt;/em&gt; to happen, since &lt;em&gt;that&lt;/em&gt; is far from the whole reason I&amp;#8217;m here.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I&amp;#8217;m in no rush.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;So yeah, it&amp;#8217;s a long time. It&amp;#8217;s not a process I&amp;#8217;d recommend as standard for most poly groups. But that&amp;#8217;s the glory of poly relationships: there&amp;#8217;s no objective set of rules. What would be insanely restrictive for one set of people is actually a wise and stabilizing force in ours, just as what would be joyous freedom for some couples would actually cause harm if I tried it at this time in my life.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;But does it matter if my rules would work for you? Lemme repeat: &lt;em&gt;if it&amp;#8217;s working for you and the people you&amp;#8217;re dating, then it&amp;#8217;s great&lt;/em&gt;.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;This glacial proceeding helps me to choose better partners, and keeps my wife and girlfriend happier (even as neither of them are bound by this six-month rule), and hopefully the people I&amp;#8217;m dating in this slow process are still happy to see me even if I&amp;#8217;m not whipping out Little Elvis yet.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;It&amp;#8217;s an approach. Because there&amp;#8217;s no &lt;em&gt;the&lt;/em&gt; approach. And there never will be a the approach as long as humans are varied creatures with differing needs.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p style="text-align: right"&gt;&lt;small&gt;Cross-posted from &lt;a href="http://www.theferrett.com/ferrettworks/2013/05/why-it-might-take-a-year-before-i-have-sex-with-you-and-thats-okay/" title="Read Original Post"&gt;Ferrett's Real Blog&lt;/a&gt;.&lt;/small&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

&lt;span style="font-size: smaller;"&gt;This entry has also been posted at &lt;a href="http://theferrett.dreamwidth.org/303286.html"&gt;http://theferrett.dreamwidth.org/303286.html&lt;/a&gt;. You can comment here, or comment there; makes no never-mind by me.&lt;/span&gt;</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:theferrett:1819396</id>
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    <title>How To Handle The Despair That Comes With Writing</title>
    <published>2013-05-18T16:04:28Z</published>
    <updated>2013-05-18T16:04:28Z</updated>
    <category term="i&amp;apos;m a writer"/>
    <content type="html">&lt;p&gt;Eventually, if you&amp;#8217;re trying to make it as a writer, you&amp;#8217;re going to despair.  You can&amp;#8217;t write well enough. This story will never sell.  If you &lt;em&gt;do&lt;/em&gt; sell it, it&amp;#8217;ll never be popular.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;This terrible feeling like you&amp;#8217;re just wasting your time and nobody cares happens, absurdly enough, to very popular writers.  It happens to nobodys.  It happens to writers, period.  If you&amp;#8217;re putting words down and trying to get people to read them, there will be times you&amp;#8217;ll want to take everything you wrote, set it on fire, and then fling yourself in to burn with it.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Here is what you do when those down days come: you write more.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Took a nasty rejection straight to the sternum?  Write more.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Had a confidence-shredding bad review?  Write more.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;This grand story in your head is completely beyond your ability to commit it to the page?  Write more.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;This terrible book you&amp;#8217;re reading made millions, and your better work can&amp;#8217;t find a home?  Write more.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Feel like you&amp;#8217;re a fraud who&amp;#8217;s somehow lucked out when better writers languish behind you?  Write more.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Your favorite author just told you he abhorred what you wrote? Write more.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The thing about writing is that so much of it comes down to tenacity.  The most popular writers in the world can all tell you about this fellow they knew when they were starting out, a colleague who could write stories that would charm the petals from a rose&amp;#8230; and yet these natural geniuses didn&amp;#8217;t stick with it.  They either let life swamp them, or couldn&amp;#8217;t stand the rejections, or didn&amp;#8217;t feel like it.  And these magnificently talented people never became Writers, because for whatever reason they never pushed through.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;It&amp;#8217;s not that they weren&amp;#8217;t very good.  It&amp;#8217;s just that they stopped knocking on doors.  While the writer you&amp;#8217;ve heard of kept ringing doorbells until she got an answer.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;So pushing through is what &lt;em&gt;you&lt;/em&gt; need to do.  Write when you&amp;#8217;re sad.  Write when you&amp;#8217;re busy.  Write when you&amp;#8217;re uninspired.  Write when you&amp;#8217;re utterly consumed with the idea that you &lt;em&gt;cannot do this&lt;/em&gt;.  Learn to take all of that despondence and to transform it into beauty, for writing in the throes of despair will do two things: when you are writing sad scenes, you will have so many more emotions to cram into it, and when you are writing happy scenes, you will be forced to emulate joy. One will make for better writing, the other will elevate your mood.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The truth is, though I&amp;#8217;ve written in both despair and elation, I can&amp;#8217;t really tell which mood I was in when I go back to revise.  You must learn to &lt;em&gt;write without hope&lt;/em&gt;.  Keep creating through those dry spells, keep sending out stories during the rejections; decouple your personal contentment from your creative muse and make that bitch dance for you.  She&amp;#8217;ll be clumsy at first, foolish&amp;#8230; but with time, you can make her do the most elaborate pirouettes when you&amp;#8217;re barely able to move off the couch.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;In fiction, there&amp;#8217;s often a plot sequence: Try/fail, try/fail, try/succeed.  In real life, there may be a hundred try/fails before you get to that succeed.  But you&amp;#8217;ll never know unless you stay in that execution loop.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Write.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Write more.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;And then write more still.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;(Inspired by Catherine Schaff-Stump&amp;#8217;s &lt;a href="http://cathschaffstump.livejournal.com/445785.html"&gt;Writers and Despair&lt;/a&gt;.)&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p style="text-align: right"&gt;&lt;small&gt;Cross-posted from &lt;a href="http://www.theferrett.com/ferrettworks/2013/05/how-to-handle-the-despair-that-comes-with-writing/" title="Read Original Post"&gt;Ferrett's Real Blog&lt;/a&gt;.&lt;/small&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

&lt;span style="font-size: smaller;"&gt;This entry has also been posted at &lt;a href="http://theferrett.dreamwidth.org/303034.html"&gt;http://theferrett.dreamwidth.org/303034.html&lt;/a&gt;. You can comment here, or comment there; makes no never-mind by me.&lt;/span&gt;</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:theferrett:1819360</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://theferrett.livejournal.com/1819360.html"/>
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    <title>Minor, Rampant Cruelty</title>
    <published>2013-05-18T15:18:13Z</published>
    <updated>2013-05-18T15:18:13Z</updated>
    <content type="html">&lt;p&gt;Just discovered: I could pretty much ruin any woman&amp;#8217;s day when she&amp;#8217;s about to leave the house by asking, &amp;#8220;Oh, you&amp;#8217;re going out like &lt;em&gt;that&lt;/em&gt;?&amp;#8221; and then muttering that it&amp;#8217;s fine, it&amp;#8217;s fine.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I just said that to Erin &lt;em&gt;hypothetically&lt;/em&gt;, and she &lt;em&gt;knows&lt;/em&gt; I didn&amp;#8217;t even mean it, and she&amp;#8217;s &lt;em&gt;still&lt;/em&gt; itching to change her clothes.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;(Cue tides of women saying that they&amp;#8217;re above that. You may thank me for making you feel superior.)&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p style="text-align: right"&gt;&lt;small&gt;Cross-posted from &lt;a href="http://www.theferrett.com/ferrettworks/2013/05/minor-rampant-cruelty/" title="Read Original Post"&gt;Ferrett's Real Blog&lt;/a&gt;.&lt;/small&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

&lt;span style="font-size: smaller;"&gt;This entry has also been posted at &lt;a href="http://theferrett.dreamwidth.org/302666.html"&gt;http://theferrett.dreamwidth.org/302666.html&lt;/a&gt;. You can comment here, or comment there; makes no never-mind by me.&lt;/span&gt;</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:theferrett:1819107</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://theferrett.livejournal.com/1819107.html"/>
    <link rel="self" type="text/xml" href="http://theferrett.livejournal.com/data/atom/?itemid=1819107"/>
    <title>Star Trek Into Darkness: The Review</title>
    <published>2013-05-17T14:22:48Z</published>
    <updated>2013-05-17T14:22:48Z</updated>
    <content type="html">I was very leery of the second Star Trek movie, simply because I felt the first one had violated the Prime Directive of Star Trek: Kirk was dumb. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Which is not to say that Kirk was a sack of suet in the JJ Abrams-inspired reboot, but the fact is that the entire last act of the film involved Kirk lucking out through most of it.&amp;nbsp; And while everyone has their own take on what Star Trek is or is not, to me a large part of Star Trek is that you don&amp;#39;t ever bet against Kirk.&amp;nbsp; He&amp;#39;s not educated (even if times he aspires to be), but his low cunning has literally placed him up against gods on multiple occasions... and he triumphed.&amp;nbsp; So to have the new Kirk hand most of the plotting duties over to Spock was a bit disappointing... and I was afraid that it would only get worse in the sequel.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;It didn&amp;#39;t, I&amp;#39;m glad to say. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The main theme of this Star Trek movie is &lt;i&gt;unpredictability&lt;/i&gt;.&amp;nbsp; In most Star Trek movies - hell, most &lt;i&gt;movies &lt;/i&gt;- the captain has a job to do, and the course of action is pretty clear.&amp;nbsp; But in this one, you&amp;#39;re walking with Kirk as his crew and commanders disagree with each other, and most of them seem to have pretty good points.&amp;nbsp; As the Captain, it&amp;#39;s his job to make the calls... but it&amp;#39;s pretty hard to second-guess Kirk&amp;#39;s actions when you&amp;#39;re not sure what the right call is. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;And Kirk is still green; talented, but green.&amp;nbsp; (Okay, this is Star Trek, so I must clarify: not &lt;i&gt;literally &lt;/i&gt;green.)&amp;nbsp; He makes mistakes, and then - to his credit - backtracks.&amp;nbsp; This is a Kirk who is still very much learning what it means to be a Kirk, and to see a man flip-flopping as new data comes into play warms my Democratic little heart. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;But still: &lt;i&gt;uncertainty&lt;/i&gt;.&amp;nbsp; There&amp;#39;s a lot of sections that leave you feeling off-kilter, as in, &amp;quot;Are they really going to do this?&amp;quot; and that only gets worse if you know the old canon.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;And now, I must venture not Into Darkness, but into spoilers - for like Iron Man 3, the less you know about the film the more you&amp;#39;ll appreciate it.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a name="cutid1"&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br /&gt;There have been some grognards who complained about the reversed Kirk dies saving the ship/Spock watches.&amp;nbsp; And I was worried they&amp;#39;d go this route in the second movie, which I felt would have been a huge mistake: we barely &lt;i&gt;know &lt;/i&gt;these two.&amp;nbsp; The reason the death hits people so hard in Wrath of Khan is because we&amp;#39;ve known Kirk and Spock for three years, and a TV show isn&amp;#39;t like a movie.&amp;nbsp; You can like a character in two hours, but it takes a certain kind of magic to make us fall in love in two hours - and only a handful of films have done it.&amp;nbsp; Princess Bride, Star Wars, maybe a couple of others.&amp;nbsp; And they&amp;#39;re all classics.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;No, for us to fall in love with a character, we have to spend time with them, and that&amp;#39;s what TV shows are for.&amp;nbsp; You can really fall deeply in love with Buffy, because you&amp;#39;ve spent days with her.&amp;nbsp; Same with Kirk and Spock.&amp;nbsp; And killing off this Spock - or this Kirk - is too soon to carry that kind of impact.&amp;nbsp; They&amp;#39;re nice, sure, but we just started dating!&amp;nbsp; They barely were on speaking terms by the end of the last film!&amp;nbsp; I was worried it&amp;#39;d feel like a cheap Xerox. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;But the interesting thing is that while the death in Wrath of Khan is the culmination of a life-long friendship, the death in Into Darkness is the &lt;i&gt;start &lt;/i&gt;of one.&amp;nbsp; They&amp;#39;ve clearly held some affection for each other (and I like the implication that they&amp;#39;ve had adventures beyond the screen), but are they buddies? Not really.&amp;nbsp; Affectionate colleagues, perhaps.&amp;nbsp; But the death is Kirk&amp;#39;s opportunity to reveal how he envies and admires Spock, and Spock&amp;#39;s excuse to let his human side out. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Of course the death is undone within twenty minutes, but that&amp;#39;s not the point.&amp;nbsp; The point is that Into Darkness is extremely clever in the way it inverts the ending of one journey to become the beginning of another.&amp;nbsp; And I admire that.&amp;nbsp; (And I also admire the way that after Vulcan got blown up in the last film, we genuinely were not sure whether they would be brave enough to kill off Kirk.&amp;nbsp; After all: &lt;i&gt;uncertainty&lt;/i&gt;.) &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;As for Cumberbatch as Khan, I loved the reveal on that, and I was happy to see that slot into place.&amp;nbsp; But I had two issues with it, one silly, one not:&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The silly issue is the casting.&amp;nbsp; The new timeline only goes back to where Kirk was born.&amp;nbsp; There&amp;#39;s absolutely &lt;i&gt;zero reason &lt;/i&gt;why a brawny Mexican should transform into a reedy Englishman; Khan should still be Khan, as we knew him.&amp;nbsp; (And yes, it&amp;#39;s stupid, but I felt considerably better when I had discovered their first choice was Benicio Del Toro and they couldn&amp;#39;t afford him.) &amp;nbsp; I love Benedict, but damn, give a Latino a fucking break, huh?&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The serious problem is one raised by my pal Lou Berger: this new Khan is so patently evil and sociopathic that he makes a good villain, but not a &lt;i&gt;great &lt;/i&gt;one.&amp;nbsp; The best villains have a core of goodness where you can see what they&amp;#39;re striving for, and almost sympathize with them - Cumberbatch is prissy, angry, and will kill anyone who bothers him.&amp;nbsp; That makes him basically a pale Hannibal Lecter, and not the family man of Wrath of Khan; not a bad comparison, but Ricardo Montalban&amp;#39;s writing was far superior. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;(Lou, it should be added, was very bothered by the fact that Kirk and Spock flip-flopped in the film, with Kirk learning Spock&amp;#39;s lessons and vice versa; I found this a strength.&amp;nbsp; In the old series, Spock was continually learning lessons from Kirk because RAH RAH HUMANITY; I really dug that Kirk was learning some lessons about what heroism really is from Spock.) &lt;br /&gt;&lt;a name='cutid1-end'&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;p&gt;In the end, this Star Trek is... not that Star Trekky.&amp;nbsp; The old Star Trek wrestled mightily with matters of theme and morality: the reason Star Trek II was so popular was because it asked, &amp;quot;What happens when you can&amp;#39;t win the Kobayashi Maru?&amp;nbsp; What happens when you&amp;#39;re old?&amp;quot;&amp;nbsp; This new Star Trek asks, &amp;quot;What happens when a violent terrorist - oh, wait, PLOT TWIST!&amp;nbsp; Oh, look at that!&amp;nbsp; Boom!&amp;nbsp; Cool!&amp;nbsp; And... hey, duty, isn&amp;#39;t it great?&amp;quot;&amp;nbsp; It just moves too fast to really actually ask or answer any questions.&amp;nbsp; It is, like The Avengers, utilizing clever one-liners in lieu of actual characterization, which is witty and fun and does not lend itself to anything more than cartoon characters. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Which isn&amp;#39;t a big ding.&amp;nbsp; I mean, it&amp;#39;s a big-ass summer movie.&amp;nbsp; But the Star Trek concept has been watered down to fit in our popcorn, and it&amp;#39;s satisfying &lt;i&gt;enough&lt;/i&gt;.&amp;nbsp; This may actually be a better thing on the whole, as the failure mode of Star Trek is BLAH BLAH MORALITY, and when Star Trek fails it becomes sludgy and preachy.&amp;nbsp; This new Star Trek may fail at some point, at which point it&amp;#39;ll basically degrade to Transformers... which, from a Hollywood perspective, is actually preferable. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;(Fun Fact: Damon Lindehoff actually wanted to call it Star Trek: Transformers 4, which as he noted &amp;quot;Was technically available.&amp;quot;&amp;nbsp; He was joking, but I think there&amp;#39;s more than a little acknowledgement that this new Star Trek is intended to be a blockbuster first, Star Trek second.) &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;I&amp;#39;m not saying that Into Darkness is bad.&amp;nbsp; It&amp;#39;s a notch below Iron Man 3, which I loved.&amp;nbsp; It&amp;#39;s a fun movie, and I&amp;#39;d encourage you to go see it.&amp;nbsp; If you&amp;#39;re a Star Trek fan, well, it&amp;#39;s Star Trek Lite, and that&amp;#39;s still a big hoopla, and they even throw in old references to make it work. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;In short: it works. You&amp;#39;ll probably be happy if you go see it.&amp;nbsp; Benedict Cumberbatch is very Benedict Cumberbatchy, and Chris Pine does an excellent job channeling Kirk.&amp;nbsp; And there&amp;#39;s no need to stay through the credits, as there is no Shwarma. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;This is all you need to know.&amp;nbsp; Now go buy your tickets.&lt;/p&gt;</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:theferrett:1818791</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://theferrett.livejournal.com/1818791.html"/>
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    <title>Hear My Ad-Faerie Story &amp;#8220;Dead Merchandise&amp;#8221; At Escape Pod!</title>
    <published>2013-05-17T12:57:40Z</published>
    <updated>2013-05-17T12:57:40Z</updated>
    <category term="stories"/>
    <category term="dead merchandise"/>
    <content type="html">&lt;p&gt;I fricking love getting my stories read at Escape Pod &amp;#8211; the narrators there are so good, the forums so full of awesome feedback, and there&amp;#8217;s just something beautiful about hearing words &lt;em&gt;I wrote&lt;/em&gt; become part of an old-time radio show.  So my singularity-as-horror tale &amp;#8220;&lt;a href="http://escapepod.org/2013/05/16/ep396-dead-merchandise/"&gt;Dead Merchandise&lt;/a&gt;&amp;#8221; is up &amp;#8211; and &lt;a href="http://forum.escapeartists.net/index.php?board=1.0"&gt;the people at Escape Pod seem to be digging it&lt;/a&gt;, thus far.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;In case you need a sample, it follows:&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;blockquote&gt;&lt;p&gt;The ad-faeries danced around Sheryl, flickering cartoon holograms with fluoride-white smiles. They told her the gasoline that sloshed in the red plastic canister she held was high-octane, perfect for any vehicle, did she want to go for a drive?&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;She did not. That gasoline was for burning. Sheryl patted her pockets to make sure the matches were still there and kept moving forward, blinking away the videostreams. Her legs ached.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;She squinted past a flurry of hair-coloring ads (“Sheryl, wash your gray away today!”), scanning the neon roads to find the breast-shaped marble dome of River Edge’s central collation unit. River’s Edge had been a sleepy Midwestern town when she was a girl, a place just big enough for a diner and a department store. Now River’s Edge had been given a mall-over like every other town — every wall lit up with billboards, colorful buildings topped with projectors to burn logos into the clouds. She was grateful for the dark patches that marked where garish shop-fronts had been bombed into ash-streaked metal tangles.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The smoke gave her hope. Others were trying to bring it all down — and if they were succeeding, maybe no one was left to stop her.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;/blockquote&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Anyway, &lt;a href="http://escapepod.org/2013/05/16/ep396-dead-merchandise/"&gt;you can listen to it here&lt;/a&gt;.  It&amp;#8217;s about thirty-five minutes.  And another great production, but I&amp;#8217;d expect no less from the &amp;#8216;Pods.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p style="text-align: right"&gt;&lt;small&gt;Cross-posted from &lt;a href="http://www.theferrett.com/ferrettworks/2013/05/hear-my-ad-faerie-story-dead-merchandise-at-escape-pod/" title="Read Original Post"&gt;Ferrett's Real Blog&lt;/a&gt;.&lt;/small&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

&lt;span style="font-size: smaller;"&gt;This entry has also been posted at &lt;a href="http://theferrett.dreamwidth.org/302367.html"&gt;http://theferrett.dreamwidth.org/302367.html&lt;/a&gt;. You can comment here, or comment there; makes no never-mind by me.&lt;/span&gt;</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:theferrett:1818503</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://theferrett.livejournal.com/1818503.html"/>
    <link rel="self" type="text/xml" href="http://theferrett.livejournal.com/data/atom/?itemid=1818503"/>
    <title>A Strange Gift, To Be Given</title>
    <published>2013-05-16T13:13:36Z</published>
    <updated>2013-05-16T13:13:36Z</updated>
    <content type="html">&lt;p&gt;Sometimes, you get a rare gift, but don&amp;#8217;t recognize it for what it is.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Kitchen Nightmares is a show that specializes in dysfunction.  The pattern is standard: world-renowned chef Gordon Ramsay shows up to a failing restaurant, meets some owners who are in deep denial about some aspect of their business (usually the terribly food), and yells and cajoles them until they come around.  (Most of the restaurants fail within three years after Gordon&amp;#8217;s makeovers &amp;#8211; but then again most restaurants period close within three years, and &lt;em&gt;all&lt;/em&gt; of these guys would have been out of business within months without Gordon&amp;#8217;s help, so I generally consider Gordon to be a good bet.)&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Now, nobody cares about the food in the American Kitchen Nightmares &amp;#8211; it&amp;#8217;s all about the crazy people.  The owners are each uniquely bollixed &amp;#8211; overly-proud, self-taught chefs insisting that the customers love their octopus slides, sad sacks who&amp;#8217;ve given up after discovering that the restaurant life isn&amp;#8217;t the easy money they thought it was, chefs claiming that pub food is Steak Wellington and wondering why their customers keep asking for burgers.  The array of people in denial on Kitchen Nightmares is a fascinating microcosm in all the ways that a personality can kill a business.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;But this week?  They found the mother lode.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Amy&amp;#8217;s Baking Company Bakery, Boutique, and Bistro &amp;#8211; yes, it has all those names &amp;#8211; had &lt;a href="http://www.buzzfeed.com/ryanhatesthis/this-is-the-most-epic-brand-meltdown-on-facebook-ever"&gt;one of the most magnificent Facebook meltdowns &lt;/a&gt;ever after appearing on Kitchen Nightmares, and being the only business ever who Gordon Ramsay &amp;#8211; one of the most stubborn personalities on television &amp;#8211; actually &lt;em&gt;walked away from because he couldn&amp;#8217;t get through to them&lt;/em&gt;.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Amy and Samy, the owners, greeting Chef Ramsay by imploring him to help them against the &amp;#8220;lying bloggers&amp;#8221; who were spreading bad reviews about their restaurant.  The problem was not their food &amp;#8211; it was that they didn&amp;#8217;t have someone like Gordon Ramsay to vouch for them.  And they routinely yelled at customers, telling people who complained to fuck off, we don&amp;#8217;t want your business, a fact both shown on television and in their customer&amp;#8217;s reviews.  They&amp;#8217;d literally scream at someone loud enough that everyone in the joint would turn to find them.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The problem was that their &amp;#8220;real customers&amp;#8221; loved their food.  Anyone who complained was not a &amp;#8220;real customer.&amp;#8221;  And they both became frenzied, like snapping chihuahuas, because how could so many people misunderstand them?  If they just got the word out past these local yokels, got real chefs on their side, then the world would understand.  The problem was not that they were being irrational, it was that they weren&amp;#8217;t reaching the right people.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Which is a common dysfunction.  You know, if the world could see what we did, people would agree with us!  The problem is you!&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;And hence, Amy and Samy got a very rare gift: the world saw what they did.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Hundreds of thousands of people saw them act up on Kitchen Nightmares &amp;#8211; where, yes, it&amp;#8217;s a show that emphasizes conflict, but at the very least they still willingly hounded customers out to the street on camera &amp;#8211; and then watched them argue on the Internet.  And in fact, pretty much nobody agreed with them.  We all thought that Samy and Amy were awful people for withholding tips from their waitresses, for firing a hundred people over the course of a year, for being brittle and awful human beings.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;How many people get that opportunity, really?  To have their reality tested so thoroughly?  Sure, you can say that folks would agree with you if they only knew the truth, but how often does that happen?  They have empirical evidence now that what they&amp;#8217;re doing is childish, alienating, and unlikable!&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Of course, that opportunity doesn&amp;#8217;t actually work.  They&amp;#8217;ll find more excuses.  That&amp;#8217;s largely what humans are: excuse-hunting machines.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;But honestly, it&amp;#8217;s a strange and beautiful test of their delusions: they got exactly what they wanted.  And now they&amp;#8217;ll manufacture reasons why it wasn&amp;#8217;t exactly what you wanted, if things had just gone a little different then Samy and Amy would be drowning in flowers and sympathy.  They&amp;#8217;ll show they have a truly world-class psychosis, one that can withstand all of America scorning them.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I feel a little sorry for them, as I do anyone who attracts the ire of the Internet.  But in this case?  It&amp;#8217;s also a fascinating look at how darned intense denial can get.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p style="text-align: right"&gt;&lt;small&gt;Cross-posted from &lt;a href="http://www.theferrett.com/ferrettworks/2013/05/a-strange-gift-to-be-given/" title="Read Original Post"&gt;Ferrett's Real Blog&lt;/a&gt;.&lt;/small&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

&lt;span style="font-size: smaller;"&gt;This entry has also been posted at &lt;a href="http://theferrett.dreamwidth.org/302091.html"&gt;http://theferrett.dreamwidth.org/302091.html&lt;/a&gt;. You can comment here, or comment there; makes no never-mind by me.&lt;/span&gt;</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:theferrett:1818277</id>
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    <title>&amp;#8220;Poor Brad&amp;#8221; (or, Thoughts on Angelina Jolie&amp;#8217;s Breasts)</title>
    <published>2013-05-14T13:37:34Z</published>
    <updated>2013-05-14T13:44:16Z</updated>
    <content type="html">&lt;p&gt;In case you haven&amp;#8217;t heard yet, after discovering she had a gene that made it 87% likely she would get breast cancer, &lt;a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2013/05/14/opinion/my-medical-choice.html?_r=2&amp;amp;"&gt;Angelina Jolie had a preventative double-mastectomy&lt;/a&gt;.  And I&amp;#8217;ve been thinking about two words that have been enraging me:&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;#8220;Poor Brad.&amp;#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;See, because, Angelina Jolie&amp;#8217;s tits were for Brad&amp;#8217;s entertainment, and he had ownership of the best tits in the world, and now they&amp;#8217;re gone.  This is a loss &lt;em&gt;to Brad&lt;/em&gt;, you see.  As men, we should feel sympathy for him, as expressed in a very common comment left across many news sites.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;At which point I try to imagine the pain of being so certain I had testicular cancer that I literally thought, &amp;#8220;Well, it&amp;#8217;s them or me.&amp;#8221;  I envision the anguish of wrestling with that decision to literally neuter myself, of thinking &amp;#8220;What if I&amp;#8217;m in that 13%?  What if I don&amp;#8217;t need to do this?&amp;#8221;  All of the medical issues, the pain, that fluttering of identity when a large part what you consider Your Body gets chopped off and you have to come to terms with the fact that maybe all of you could go away.  The realization that my body would be altered in ways I might find aesthetically horrible.  The knowledge that everyone would know about this once I blogged about it.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;And then I imagine seeing that comment sprayed everwhere: &amp;#8220;Poor Gini.&amp;#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Because, you know, I&amp;#8217;d be less useful to her without balls.  My whole goal in life is to satisfy her sexually, and if I fail at that, it&amp;#8217;s a tragedy &lt;em&gt;for my wife&lt;/em&gt;.  In fact, her biggest concern would doubtlessly be my lack of balls, because I had &lt;em&gt;one job&lt;/em&gt;, and now I couldn&amp;#8217;t do that for her.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Everything &lt;em&gt;I&lt;/em&gt; wanted?  Fuck that.  I&amp;#8217;m a support role for my partner&amp;#8217;s sexual needs.  &lt;em&gt;She&amp;#8217;s&lt;/em&gt; the one grieving the loss, really.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;#8230;except people wouldn&amp;#8217;t write that.  I&amp;#8217;m a guy.  Oh, there&amp;#8217;d be a lot of sympathy for the sex I couldn&amp;#8217;t have, but the underlying premise is that as a male, my body serves &lt;em&gt;my&lt;/em&gt; needs. If I want to wear a comfortable shirt that hides my pecs or makes my belly look big, then that&amp;#8217;s my decision; I don&amp;#8217;t have to deal with a societal pressure to display myself appropriately for the needs of others.  If I have to change my body, then that&amp;#8217;s what I need to do.  I don&amp;#8217;t have to consider, or sympathize with, the feelings of all the women fantasizing about me when I feel like doing what&amp;#8217;s medically necessary.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I&amp;#8217;m not an object for someone else&amp;#8217;s pleasure.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Look, it&amp;#8217;s well known that I like big breasts, and I literally &lt;em&gt;cannot&lt;/em&gt; lie: I&amp;#8217;ve never been shy about blogging my love of sex, or of porn.  And on those occasions women have felt generous enough to allow me the usage of their breasts for my pleasure, it&amp;#8217;s inevitably been a wondrous occasion.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Yet I never once thought the breasts were there &lt;em&gt;for me&lt;/em&gt;.  They were a part of my partner&amp;#8217;s body, and she carried all of the downsides of having them &amp;#8211; needing bras, enduring back pain, the difficulties while jogging.  When some of my lovers opted for breast reduction surgery I was supportive, because they weren&amp;#8217;t just a pair of tits to me &amp;#8211; they were a human being, and an unhappy one.  If reducing their breasts would make the rest of their lives better, then &lt;em&gt;I wanted their lives better&lt;/em&gt;.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;As Damien W. Grintalis said, &amp;#8220;My guess is Brad would rather have her alive and breastless than possibly dead.&amp;#8221;  Because a real relationship is multilayered, complex, full of all sorts of supports that go beyond HI YOU ARE SEXY FUNTIEMS NAO.  Gini and I had some difficulties getting back into the swing of sex after my triple-bypass, but I don&amp;#8217;t think Gini once thought, &amp;#8220;If he doesn&amp;#8217;t get better in bed, I&amp;#8217;m gonna have to leave him.&amp;#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Angelina Jolie was, and doubtlessly still is, a beautiful woman.  But Brad Pitt had his choice of beautiful women, and as such I assume he picked Angelina for reasons that go far beyond prettiness.  I hope he &lt;em&gt;and&lt;/em&gt; Angelina are doing all right as they weather today&amp;#8217;s storm of media coverage, bracing themselves for the first round of tabloid photos that are sure to arrive.  It&amp;#8217;s gotta be a tough day for both of them.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Poor Brad?  Fuck that.  Poor Brad and Angelina.  And I hope, I &lt;em&gt;hope&lt;/em&gt;, it gets better for the both of them.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p style="text-align: right"&gt;&lt;small&gt;Cross-posted from &lt;a href="http://www.theferrett.com/ferrettworks/2013/05/poor-brad-or-thoughts-on-angelina-jolies-breasts/" title="Read Original Post"&gt;Ferrett's Real Blog&lt;/a&gt;.&lt;/small&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

&lt;span style="font-size: smaller;"&gt;This entry has also been posted at &lt;a href="http://theferrett.dreamwidth.org/301949.html"&gt;http://theferrett.dreamwidth.org/301949.html&lt;/a&gt;. You can comment here, or comment there; makes no never-mind by me.&lt;/span&gt;</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:theferrett:1818049</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://theferrett.livejournal.com/1818049.html"/>
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    <title>Mindful Practice For Writers: Five Tips To Get Your 10,000 Hours In</title>
    <published>2013-05-13T14:07:51Z</published>
    <updated>2013-05-13T14:07:51Z</updated>
    <content type="html">&lt;p&gt;To master a skill, you must devote 10,000 hours to it &amp;#8211; or so the theory goes.  But that 10,000 hours must consist of mindful practice, or else every fryolater slapping burgers at McDonald&amp;#8217;s would be a master chef.  No, you have to concentrate purposefully on improving your skills, flexing different muscles to install new muscle memories.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;So how do you practice mindfully as a writer?&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Look, I believe in the 10,000 hours, because I&amp;#8217;ve experienced both sides of it.  I wrote fiction for twenty years and failed at it, sinking a lot of my time into writing but without making much headway.  And then, after Clarion removed some much-needed blinders from me, I wrote purposefully and &lt;a href="http://www.theferrett.com/ferrettworks/stories/"&gt;I started to sell lots of stories&lt;/a&gt;.  So while every writer is different (the trick to &amp;#8220;writer&amp;#8217;s tips&amp;#8221; is understanding that they&amp;#8217;re all about unlocking your inner efficiency, and so you should ruthlessly discard whatever sounds silly to you), I think I can tell many writers how to get those 10,000 hours in so they work.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;1)  Write Short Stories, And Finish Them.&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;br /&gt;
&amp;#8230;at least for purposes of practicing.  Novels are wonderful beasts, but they&amp;#8217;re sprawling things with hundreds of moving parts &amp;#8211; and it&amp;#8217;s difficult to get friends to read your 120,000-word saga and offer useful advice.  Whereas short stories can be finished in a week or two, they&amp;#8217;re usually about simpler scenes, and it&amp;#8217;s easy to get people to spend the forty minutes it&amp;#8217;ll take to get through them: all things you&amp;#8217;ll need.  You can write fifteen short stories in the time it takes you to write a novel, and get better feedback as to how the internals of it worked (because with a short story, people are more thorough about critiquing).&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Also obvious, but some people never get this: &lt;em&gt;finish those stories&lt;/em&gt;.  From a practice perspective, five half-written tales aren&amp;#8217;t nearly as effective as one completed story.  You learn the full arc of a tale when you complete them &amp;#8211; and more importantly, you can go to Step #2:&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;2)  Get Each Of Those Stories Critiqued By People Who Like What You&amp;#8217;re Trying To Do. &lt;/strong&gt;&lt;br /&gt;
Particularly when you&amp;#8217;re in the early part of your journey, there&amp;#8217;s going to be a gap between &amp;#8220;What you intended to do&amp;#8221; and &amp;#8220;What you actually evoked in the reader.&amp;#8221; For most people, it&amp;#8217;s impossible to tell where those gaps are without actually bouncing them off of other readers, and getting their feedback.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;You need good readers, though.  Usually your Mom and your buddies are just happy to see you writing, and they aren&amp;#8217;t overly critical in the way that they analyze it.  You need people who are willing to tell you, kindly but firmly, that this story totally didn&amp;#8217;t work for them &amp;#8211; and then break down what, exactly, what in your prose stopped them from reading the story you wanted to write.  (People who complain because you didn&amp;#8217;t write the story &lt;em&gt;they&lt;/em&gt; would have written?  You can dispense with them post-haste.  And you can&amp;#8217;t rely on rejections, which are too often a mere &amp;#8220;no&amp;#8221; and hence offer nothing of use for you to go on.)&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;So find a good writers&amp;#8217; group (or just a group of writers) and have them break down your stories in depth.  Otherwise, you&amp;#8217;re like a pitcher who can&amp;#8217;t see where your ball is landing.  You need some feedback to work on your aim.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;3)  Focus On A Different Technique With Every New Short Story.&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;br /&gt;
If you&amp;#8217;re reading a lot of fiction &amp;#8211; and you should &amp;#8211; you&amp;#8217;ll notice the strengths of other writers. As your crit group savages your tales, you&amp;#8217;ll notice weaknesses in your own fiction.  So to practice mindfully, write stories that focus exclusively on those techniques.  Think, &amp;#8220;I&amp;#8217;m not very good at writing stories without action sequences,&amp;#8221; and then set out to write an effective story with no explosions.  Think &amp;#8220;I usually white-room my stories, not putting much effort into setting,&amp;#8221; and then write an evocative prose-piece that&amp;#8217;s as much about the exotic bazaar it&amp;#8217;s set in as it is about the people in it.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I can tell you what new technique I was trying to master in any story I&amp;#8217;ve written.  For example:&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;ul&gt;
&lt;li&gt;&amp;#8220;&lt;a href="http://escapepod.org/2012/04/05/ep339-run-bakri-says/"&gt;&amp;#8216;Run,&amp;#8217; Bakri Says&lt;/a&gt;&amp;#8221; was me saying, &amp;#8220;I don&amp;#8217;t write action stories, so I should write a story that&amp;#8217;s nothing but action from start to finish.&amp;#8221;&lt;/li&gt;
&lt;li&gt;&amp;#8220;&lt;a href="http://giganotosaurus.org/2011/11/01/sauerkraut-station/"&gt;Sauerkraut Station&lt;/a&gt;&amp;#8221; was me saying, &amp;#8220;I really liked the way Little House on the Prairie made a bunch of mundane activities like farming and house-building seem riveting.  Can I write a story in space that does the same thing?&amp;#8221;&lt;/li&gt;
&lt;li&gt;&amp;#8220;&lt;a href="http://podcastle.org/2012/01/03/podcastle-190-a-window-clear-as-a-mirror/"&gt;A Window, Clear As A Mirror&lt;/a&gt;&amp;#8221; was me saying, &amp;#8220;I usually have at least a little plot planned out when I begin writing.  What happens if I write a story with no ending point whatsoever, and just wander?&amp;#8221;&lt;/li&gt;
&lt;li&gt;&amp;#8220;&lt;a href="http://www.beneath-ceaseless-skies.com/story.php?s=157"&gt;My Father&amp;#8217;s Wounds&lt;/a&gt;&amp;#8221; was me, absolutely loving the way Steven Brust made magic seem mundane, and asking whether I could write a story that had totally human elements with a bit of magic in the way that he did.&lt;/li&gt;
&lt;li&gt;&amp;#8220;&lt;a href="http://www.kaleidotrope.net/home/dead-merchandise-by-ferrett-steinmetz/"&gt;Dead Merchandise&lt;/a&gt;&amp;#8221; was me saying, &amp;#8220;Wow, Cat Valente writes really dense prose that&amp;#8217;s elaborately descriptive, and I&amp;#8217;m so bare-bones.  What happens when I write something really visual with poetic imagery?&amp;#8221;&lt;/li&gt;
&lt;/ul&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Now, if you read those stories, you may note that they might seem &lt;em&gt;totally different&lt;/em&gt; from the intent I started out with.  That&amp;#8217;s what happens when you make a story your own: it drifts away from the original influences, and becomes this wonderful melding of new techniques and old strengths.  (Or it turns out to be a glorious failure &amp;#8211; I have a couple of stories dead at first draft that expanded my skills, but weren&amp;#8217;t good stories on their own.  That&amp;#8217;s okay; the techniques I learned there came in handy in later stories.)&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The point is, by experimenting with each of those stories, I practiced.  Some of them sold, and got good reviews.  Some of them got shelved.  All of them sharpened bits that were previously dull.  All of them made me a better writer &amp;#8211; and quickly, because instead of spending months writing a novel that utilized some (or all) of these ideas, I wrote an easily-critted tale that could tell me whether I&amp;#8217;d succeeded or failed.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;4)  Do Not Write Scratch Pads.&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;br /&gt;
Note that the &amp;#8220;test&amp;#8221; stories I wrote above were all published: one was nominated for the Nebula, two got &amp;#8220;Recommended&amp;#8221; reviews from Locus, the toughest reviewers in sci-fi.  That&amp;#8217;s because even though I was trying new things, I still wrote these stories as though I intended to sell them.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Even if you&amp;#8217;re doofing around with something that seems insanely out of your element, even if this seems absurdly stupid to try this crazy new technique, treat the tale as though you had a deadline and an interested editor.  Approach every story you write as though this is the big one &amp;#8211; because it might be.  Who would have guessed that my 18,000-word Laura Ingalls Wilder rip-off would become my most beloved piece of fiction?  Hell, I thought it was unpublishable.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;5)  Practice By &lt;em&gt;Not&lt;/em&gt; Writing.&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;br /&gt;
Some of the best mindful practice I got came from not writing, but &lt;em&gt;analyzing&lt;/em&gt;.  It&amp;#8217;s a lot easier to see how fiction works when your own ego&amp;#8217;s out of the way &amp;#8211; and looking at how tales work (and, just as critically, how they &lt;em&gt;don&amp;#8217;t&lt;/em&gt; work) expands the brain.  So a lot of your practice can, and should, be things like:&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;ul&gt;
&lt;li&gt;Critiquing other people&amp;#8217;s stories.  (As a bonus, it helps you stay in that crit group.)&lt;/li&gt;
&lt;li&gt;Being a slush reader.  (Breaking down out why six stories a day aren&amp;#8217;t publishable makes you realize just how high the bar is in fiction.)&lt;/li&gt;
&lt;li&gt;Reading with intent, which is to say reading your favorite author to go, &amp;#8220;Why do I like this so much?  What really works here?&amp;#8221;&lt;/li&gt;
&lt;/ul&gt;
&lt;p&gt;You can&amp;#8217;t write for four hours a day every day, but you can usually get a story read on a lunch break.  That&amp;#8217;ll nudge you closer to your 10k goal.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p style="text-align: right"&gt;&lt;small&gt;Cross-posted from &lt;a href="http://www.theferrett.com/ferrettworks/2013/05/mindful-practice-for-writers-five-tips-to-get-your-10000-hours-in/" title="Read Original Post"&gt;Ferrett's Real Blog&lt;/a&gt;.&lt;/small&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

&lt;span style="font-size: smaller;"&gt;This entry has also been posted at &lt;a href="http://theferrett.dreamwidth.org/301817.html"&gt;http://theferrett.dreamwidth.org/301817.html&lt;/a&gt;. You can comment here, or comment there; makes no never-mind by me.&lt;/span&gt;</content>
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  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:theferrett:1817831</id>
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    <title>Why Calling Me &amp;#8220;Cracker&amp;#8221; Just Isn&amp;#8217;t The Same.</title>
    <published>2013-05-11T20:08:45Z</published>
    <updated>2013-05-11T20:31:31Z</updated>
    <content type="html">&lt;p&gt;A thought just a hair too long for Twitter:&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;A racial epithet only really works if it&amp;#8217;s been used throughout your life to demonstrate how you&amp;#8217;re second-class.  And while I know there are terms like &amp;#8220;cracker&amp;#8221; and &amp;#8220;ofay&amp;#8221; that black people use to denigrate white people, as a white guy raised in largely white towns?  I have no emotional connection to them.  I&amp;#8217;ve never had a black guy threatening to kick my cracker ass, nor have I had any girl call me some stupid ofay when she realized I was smarter than she was.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;So I know what the intent is.  But it just doesn&amp;#8217;t hurt me, because, well, I&amp;#8217;ve got this grand fucking life of privilege I&amp;#8217;ve surfed on.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Which is why I try to eschew the N-word when I can, even in quoting its usage.  It&amp;#8217;s not just a word; it&amp;#8217;s a hot button of bringing a tide of emotional reactions to the surface when I say it, because assholes who share my skin color have created an association between &amp;#8220;white people saying that word&amp;#8221; and &amp;#8220;rubbing in just how insignificant all of your actions are and will ever be.&amp;#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Sure, the names exist.  And I&amp;#8217;m sure there&amp;#8217;s a white guy somewhere in a black neighborhood who has those flush-faced reactions to &amp;#8220;cracker,&amp;#8221; because he was a minority in his neighborhood and pounded for it.  But for most white people, the insult&amp;#8217;s kind of like a, &amp;#8220;Oh, you were trying to insult me?  Why didn&amp;#8217;t that hurt?&amp;#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p style="text-align: right"&gt;&lt;small&gt;Cross-posted from &lt;a href="http://www.theferrett.com/ferrettworks/2013/05/why-calling-me-cracker-just-isnt-the-same/" title="Read Original Post"&gt;Ferrett's Real Blog&lt;/a&gt;.&lt;/small&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

&lt;span style="font-size: smaller;"&gt;This entry has also been posted at &lt;a href="http://theferrett.dreamwidth.org/301424.html"&gt;http://theferrett.dreamwidth.org/301424.html&lt;/a&gt;. You can comment here, or comment there; makes no never-mind by me.&lt;/span&gt;</content>
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  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:theferrett:1817519</id>
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    <title>Why Masturbation Is Ruining Our Lives</title>
    <published>2013-05-07T13:56:56Z</published>
    <updated>2013-05-07T13:56:56Z</updated>
    <content type="html">&lt;p&gt;So the other day, I discovered the existence of Reddit&amp;#8217;s No-Fap Challenge, which basically talks about how men need to stop masturbating &lt;em&gt;right now&lt;/em&gt;.  There are a lot of threads in there, presumably because they now have tons of free time.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The gist is this: Buttering your bagel hurts guys, because the free availability of porn makes polishing the pope an incredibly easy orgasm.  But after you&amp;#8217;ve completed the Roman helmet rumba, you become slothful &amp;#8211; why would you seek out a woman when you&amp;#8217;re spent and dripping with man-juice?  You have no urge!  And so you waste your days in your apartment, endlessly shaking the snake and marinating in loneliness.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Plus, teasing the weasel to Internet porn gives you tremendously misguided notions as to how women work &amp;#8211; you expect all your women to be porn stars, all your positions to be pornish, and these attempts to recreate fantasy in your bedroom is akin to saying, &amp;#8220;Wow, I really love musicals, let me sing all of my emotions to you.&amp;#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;No, milking the mule is a sure road to isolation and awkwardness.  Your constant toad-stroking has simultaneously lessened your urge to find women, and made you unable to interact with them on any realistic level.  So the solution?  Stop dating Ms. Slick Mittens!  Don&amp;#8217;t allow yourself to come until you&amp;#8217;re spasming into an honest-to-God, real life vajayjay!  This is your only chance to meet girls &amp;#8211; so abandon this useless shaking coconuts and get outdoors!&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;If this was all coming from an external source, it&amp;#8217;d be ridiculous.  But no, this is a home-grown movement, a bunch of guys devastated by a chronic stirring the yogurt problem who have decided they have had enough of bongin&amp;#8217; their schlong.  Leaving all of this adolescent main vein straining behind has made them into happier, more socially adjusted men.  There are &lt;em&gt;testimonials&lt;/em&gt; about how good it feels to leave all of this squishin&amp;#8217; the sea burrito behind, how even the ugliest of guys have been propelled into real life and now have girlfriends to ejaculate into.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;#8230;okay, I&amp;#8217;ll stop with the crazy masturbation synonyms.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The thing is, I&amp;#8217;m not unsympathetic.  As someone blessed with a high sex drive himself, there are days I feel like my orgasms are trying to shovel sand against the tide.  I have an orgasm, and for a while I&amp;#8217;m a sane man.  I&amp;#8217;m different.  My thoughts are not clogged with these desperate need to hump, and for a while I am, to paraphrase Louis CK, &amp;#8220;a guy, shopping in a store.&amp;#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Then, slowly, the urge seeps back in again, and then I become crazier.  Not a madman, exactly &amp;#8211; the guys who use this sex drive as an excuse to harm others are scum &amp;#8211; but kind of a low-grade caffeine headache, a growl in the stomach.  A perturbation at the edge of my senses, a thing that probably affects more of my decisions than I&amp;#8217;d care to admit.  I wouldn&amp;#8217;t be surprised to find that Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde was secretly inspired by that post-masturbation paradigm.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;And so, if my actions are different, it&amp;#8217;d be no surprise to find that this constant post-orgasm state causes men to react differently.  There&amp;#8217;s a grain of truth to it: &lt;em&gt;are&lt;/em&gt; we are motivated to eat a fine meal immediately after we&amp;#8217;ve scarfed down a bag of little chocolate donuts?  No.  Stay hungry, my friends.  And driven by this inability to get off except at the hands of other people, you will take greater chances, step out of your apartment, and probably come to realize that porn is &lt;em&gt;nothing&lt;/em&gt; like real sex most of the time.  (Which is good.  If all you&amp;#8217;ve had is bad sex, and were naive as a country boy, one could see preferring the stability of porn.)&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;But.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I also think it&amp;#8217;s &lt;em&gt;really overblown&lt;/em&gt;.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I don&amp;#8217;t doubt there are guys who&amp;#8217;ve ruined their lives with masturbation and porn.  I don&amp;#8217;t doubt there are a &lt;em&gt;lot&lt;/em&gt; of them by sheer numbers, if not as a percentage of actual men.  But I see this whacking-love like any other addiction &amp;#8211; which is to say that the cure is both necessary, and often annoying and proselytizing from an outside perspective.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Hey, I support Alcoholics Anonymous and all the other cures &amp;#8211; because when you&amp;#8217;re in that deep, you need a new structure to your life to jar you out of entrenched habits.  Having an addiction is like having a rudder that&amp;#8217;s forever tilted left; unless you&amp;#8217;re fighting the current, you&amp;#8217;ll steer straight back into the old storms.  So you need systems to constantly remind you to be vigilant, you need friends to back you up, you need a lot of effort to keep clean and stay clean.  And I support this.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;But what often happens is that these people come to believe that everyone needs these structures to stay clean.  I&amp;#8217;ve been lectured more than once by a (usually recentish) AA member that I had a problem with my drinking, I needed the help of everyone, here, come with me, I&amp;#8217;ll help you.  And that&amp;#8217;s after three beers at a club.  And if you have a friend who&amp;#8217;s a recent convert and is framing everything in terms of the old hit song My God, Life Is So Much Better For Me Now (And It Would Be Awesome For You Too), then it gets annoying if you&amp;#8217;re not so far gone that your masturbation has not eaten your life whole.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I dig why they do it.  Staying on the path would be so much easier if &lt;em&gt;everyone they knew&lt;/em&gt; was on the path.  Unfortunately, the benefits from being on that path usually only accrue is if you&amp;#8217;re as far gone as the addict, and so there&amp;#8217;s often &amp;#8211; not always, but often &amp;#8211; a subtle insinuation that &lt;em&gt;this is your problem, too, isn&amp;#8217;t it&lt;/em&gt;?  Which, yeah, it sometimes is and you&amp;#8217;re just in denial, but if it isn&amp;#8217;t then it&amp;#8217;s just a guy with his own personal set of issues trying to project them onto the world.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;So the NoFap movement?  I think it&amp;#8217;s great for the people who it helps.  But I don&amp;#8217;t think that having an arm wrestle with your one-eyed vessel is a global problem, one that hurts men as a whole.  I think most men whack it occasionally and yet still manage to get out of the house.  I think that most men watch a little porn, and those porn-thoughts probably seep into the emotional groundwater a bit and cause some pornish sex, but they&amp;#8217;re not wrecked by having to slavishly recreate porn-style sex or it&amp;#8217;s &lt;em&gt;useless&lt;/em&gt;.  And I think that the guys who are that wrecked need to be more vocal to get the word out to the secluded folks who are affected &amp;#8211; after all, it&amp;#8217;s not like you&amp;#8217;ll run into them at parties &amp;#8211; but that doesn&amp;#8217;t mean it&amp;#8217;s a tragic issue that&amp;#8217;s destroying our generation.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I support rampant masturbation.  I support NoFap.  The two thoughts are not mutually exclusive.  And if you need it, go for it.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I&amp;#8217;ll be over here with my wife.  She knows I occasionally grease up the ol&amp;#8217; love monkey.  This has not distracted from what is otherwise an excellent sex life.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p style="text-align: right"&gt;&lt;small&gt;Cross-posted from &lt;a href="http://www.theferrett.com/ferrettworks/2013/05/why-masturbation-is-ruining-our-lives/" title="Read Original Post"&gt;Ferrett's Real Blog&lt;/a&gt;.&lt;/small&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

&lt;span style="font-size: smaller;"&gt;This entry has also been posted at &lt;a href="http://theferrett.dreamwidth.org/301143.html"&gt;http://theferrett.dreamwidth.org/301143.html&lt;/a&gt;. You can comment here, or comment there; makes no never-mind by me.&lt;/span&gt;</content>
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  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:theferrett:1817251</id>
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    <title>Recommend Me A Roleplaying Game?</title>
    <published>2013-05-06T14:51:00Z</published>
    <updated>2013-05-06T14:51:00Z</updated>
    <category term="roleplaying"/>
    <content type="html">&lt;p&gt;I fell out of love with D&amp;amp;D when I realized that the game was tilting towards explaining everything.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I couldn&amp;#8217;t blame them; the vast majority of players want firm stats, new feats, monsters with clearly-defined powers and a set number of hit points.  So they buy supplements that give them those hard figures&amp;#8230; and when Wizards of the Coast figured &lt;em&gt;that&lt;/em&gt; out, they made D&amp;amp;D 4th Edition, which is essentially nothing but a dry set of rules to accommodate combat.  &amp;#8220;Why should we accentuate the roleplaying?&amp;#8221; Wizards asked.  &amp;#8220;The people who want to do that will just break the rules anyway.  So let&amp;#8217;s give the players a strict framework of guidelines to run combat in, and the rest will take care of itself.&amp;#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Me?  I want mysteries.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;This is why I adored Planescape, which was a world defined largely by belief, and had many things that could not be beaten by mortals.  (You weren&amp;#8217;t taking down a God, you weren&amp;#8217;t settling the Blood War, and there were no stats for the Lady of Pain.)  I love Delta Green, with its methodical attention to detail and its grim meathook way of dragging you into the abyss.  I love Unknown Armies, the way that there&amp;#8217;s always some new and crazy obsession-related magic around the corner.  I love Deadlands, with its crazy Wild West History and stock archetype characters carving their way through a fragmented United States.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;What I &lt;em&gt;really&lt;/em&gt; like, as it turns out, is a detailed look into another world.  These aren&amp;#8217;t necessarily roleplaying games for me; they&amp;#8217;re a travelogue into a new land, with different magic systems and strange challenges.  I&amp;#8217;m a writer, I don&amp;#8217;t need stats; what I need are mysteries to spark ideas that I can then run with in my own campaign.  I love reading someone who&amp;#8217;s clearly gone to great lengths to devise a land that&amp;#8217;s both meticulously thought-out and yet still full of unanswered questions.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;(&amp;#8230;Which is why I never liked White Wolf&amp;#8217;s supplements all that much.  They always struck me as well thought-out, but I never felt there were serious mysteries in them; rather, there were these intense political campaigns with no room for the players to squeeze themselves into.  I kind of wished they&amp;#8217;d just write novels and stop pretending like they wanted players to interact with them.)&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;And I know such things exist these days; I just don&amp;#8217;t work in a game shop any more, so I&amp;#8217;m unaware of them.  So I&amp;#8217;ll ask you experts: &lt;strong&gt;What roleplaying games do you think I&amp;#8217;ll enjoy reading?&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;(Not playing, sadly.  Just reading.  I really want to run an Unknown Armies campaign now, but that&amp;#8217;s a &lt;em&gt;very&lt;/em&gt; acting-heavy system, and I&amp;#8217;d need at least four people willing to throw themselves deeply into character.  I just don&amp;#8217;t have the critical mass of local peeps to make for a satisfying UA campaign, which wouldn&amp;#8217;t involve victory over the odds but rather people trying to come to terms with the deeply weird world they&amp;#8217;ve accidentally opened the door to.)&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I&amp;#8217;ve given you my top four: Planescape, Delta Green, Unknown Armies, Deadlands.  If you can recommend any new RPG worlds (preferably created in the past seven years), I&amp;#8217;d be grateful.  I&amp;#8217;d like to get up to speed, and see what folks have done lately.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p style="text-align: right"&gt;&lt;small&gt;Cross-posted from &lt;a href="http://www.theferrett.com/ferrettworks/2013/05/recommend-me-a-roleplaying-game/" title="Read Original Post"&gt;Ferrett's Real Blog&lt;/a&gt;.&lt;/small&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

&lt;span style="font-size: smaller;"&gt;This entry has also been posted at &lt;a href="http://theferrett.dreamwidth.org/300950.html"&gt;http://theferrett.dreamwidth.org/300950.html&lt;/a&gt;. You can comment here, or comment there; makes no never-mind by me.&lt;/span&gt;</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:theferrett:1817053</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://theferrett.livejournal.com/1817053.html"/>
    <link rel="self" type="text/xml" href="http://theferrett.livejournal.com/data/atom/?itemid=1817053"/>
    <title>Today&amp;#8217;s Pretty Pretty Princessing</title>
    <published>2013-05-05T15:15:50Z</published>
    <updated>2013-05-05T15:15:50Z</updated>
    <category term="pretty pretty princess nails"/>
    <content type="html">&lt;p&gt;This weekend was Kinko de Mayo, Cleveland&amp;#8217;s big kinky convention.  So naturally, I couldn&amp;#8217;t show up with last week&amp;#8217;s nails!&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a title="Untitled by iamferrettsannoyance, on Flickr" href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/theferrett/8710752528/"&gt;&lt;img alt="Untitled" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8119/8710752528_c1fbb03d03_z.jpg" width="480" height="640" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a title="Untitled by iamferrettsannoyance, on Flickr" href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/theferrett/8709629051/"&gt;&lt;img alt="Untitled" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8133/8709629051_ff49e4f981_z.jpg" width="480" height="640" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;These may be my favorite nails of all time; they&amp;#8217;re masculine, and yet unmistakably pretty.  The trick on this one is that the nails have little magnetic filings in them, and they&amp;#8217;re aligned by judicious use of a magnet before being cured with the ultraviolet light.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;And holy God, I wish I&amp;#8217;d gotten pictures of these babies in the blacklight.  They glow like jellyfish in ocean water.  It&amp;#8217;s glorious.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;(If you&amp;#8217;re curious about what Kinko De Mayo is like, &lt;a href="https://fetlife.com/users/338073/posts/1542956"&gt;I have a con report up over on FetLife&lt;/a&gt;.)&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p style="text-align: right"&gt;&lt;small&gt;Cross-posted from &lt;a href="http://www.theferrett.com/ferrettworks/2013/05/todays-pretty-pretty-princessing/" title="Read Original Post"&gt;Ferrett's Real Blog&lt;/a&gt;.&lt;/small&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

&lt;span style="font-size: smaller;"&gt;This entry has also been posted at &lt;a href="http://theferrett.dreamwidth.org/300553.html"&gt;http://theferrett.dreamwidth.org/300553.html&lt;/a&gt;. You can comment here, or comment there; makes no never-mind by me.&lt;/span&gt;</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:theferrett:1816712</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://theferrett.livejournal.com/1816712.html"/>
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    <title>Funeral For A Queen</title>
    <published>2013-05-03T15:15:13Z</published>
    <updated>2013-05-03T15:15:13Z</updated>
    <category term="beeekeeping"/>
    <content type="html">&lt;p&gt;We broke into the hive of our friendly bees the other day, only to find it was the Overlook Hotel.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Which is not to say it was empty.  But it was hive full of dwindling ghosts, bees working on autopilot on tasks that no longer mattered.  They were fetching pollen, getting honey, keeping the comb clean&amp;#8230;.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;#8230;and none of it mattered, because the queen was dead.  There would be no new bees.  There &lt;em&gt;could&lt;/em&gt; be no new bees, without a queen.  The combs were completely free of eggs.  All of their bustle was devoted to furthering a future that could not exist.  Left to their own devices, the poor things would have worked literally to death, the population dropping until eventually every last bee was dead.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;#8220;But wait,&amp;#8221; you ask.  &amp;#8220;How do bees reproduce, if they all die when the queen dies?&amp;#8221;  Well, if the queen dies during the spring or summer or early fall, then she&amp;#8217;s already laid a bunch of eggs.  The bees pick one egg for reasons that nobody quite knows, feed it royal jelly, and what would have been a worker is suddenly upgraded to an egg-laying queen.  The hive will be struggling to catch up, as bees have short lives and a lot of them will die during the transition period, but the queen will eventually hatch and start up the great bee Circle of Life.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;If the queen dies during the &lt;em&gt;winter&lt;/em&gt;, though, there are no eggs to upgrade.  The bees open up shop, same as always, emerging from their winter downtime, but there are no raw materials to work with.  All they have is food and comb, and they tend to those like nothing has gone wrong.  But it &lt;em&gt;has&lt;/em&gt; gone wrong.  Everything around them is dying.  They are a sterile hive.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The only solution in this case is manual: Gini is driving down this afternoon to fetch a queen bee, as it&amp;#8217;s a race against time.  We&amp;#8217;re going to put this new queen bee in the hive, give it a week to let her pheromones saturate it so the remaining bees don&amp;#8217;t sting her to death upon release, and hope that she can lay enough eggs while the survivors of the last generation are around to tend to them that she can kickstart this hive.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Yet it&amp;#8217;s still a loss.  The queen we knew, the one who laid all of those nice bees, is dead.  Perhaps killed by the cold, or maybe by old age &amp;#8211; she wasn&amp;#8217;t that old, but into her third year she was getting on.  The queen is the personality of the hive, and these bees have been the sweetest, most docile bees a beekeeper could ask for.  Her death is a serious loss to us, as even if this new queen manages to rebuild the population, it won&amp;#8217;t be our hive.  It will be &lt;em&gt;a&lt;/em&gt; hive, with some overlap for a few weeks, but by the end of June the last traces of the old queen will be gone and New Queen will be firmly in effect.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;It&amp;#8217;s a terrible loss.  It is an odd thing, to be so sad over a single insect, but this insect was in a very real sense a colony &amp;#8211; and a colony we loved.  So we&amp;#8217;ll carry on in her memory, and hope this emergency patch works, but&amp;#8230;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;#8230;it won&amp;#8217;t be her.  We&amp;#8217;ll miss her.  Her and all her kind.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Goodbye, queen.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p style="text-align: right"&gt;&lt;small&gt;Cross-posted from &lt;a href="http://www.theferrett.com/ferrettworks/2013/05/funeral-for-a-queen/" title="Read Original Post"&gt;Ferrett's Real Blog&lt;/a&gt;.&lt;/small&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

&lt;span style="font-size: smaller;"&gt;This entry has also been posted at &lt;a href="http://theferrett.dreamwidth.org/300427.html"&gt;http://theferrett.dreamwidth.org/300427.html&lt;/a&gt;. You can comment here, or comment there; makes no never-mind by me.&lt;/span&gt;</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:theferrett:1816513</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://theferrett.livejournal.com/1816513.html"/>
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    <title>What Writing This Novel Has Taught Me</title>
    <published>2013-05-03T14:19:20Z</published>
    <updated>2013-05-03T14:19:20Z</updated>
    <category term="writing"/>
    <category term="i&amp;apos;m a writer"/>
    <content type="html">&lt;p&gt;It&amp;#8217;s official as of last night: the first draft of my novel &lt;em&gt;The Flex and the Flux&lt;/em&gt; is complete.  102k words of drug-dealing magicians.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;So let&amp;#8217;s talk about what I discovered this time around.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I have written a lot of novels: eight of them, if I bothered to count.  Six were before I restarted my writing career at the Clarion Sci-Fi and Fantasy Workshop, so I don&amp;#8217;t count them.  I&amp;#8217;ve written two as what I&amp;#8217;d tentatively call a &amp;#8220;mature&amp;#8221; writer &amp;#8211; as in, &amp;#8220;Ferrett is now aware of his flaws, knows his writing process well enough to squeeze the best work possibly out of himself, and has accepted that he requires heavy revisions to function.&amp;#8221;  (There are people impressed by the mere fact of finishing a novel, but remember: my strength as a writer is &lt;em&gt;tenacity&lt;/em&gt;.  I could spew out words at will, and regularly did.  For me, the trick was learning how to spew out the &lt;em&gt;correct&lt;/em&gt; words.)&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;So.  Two novels.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;#8230;I don&amp;#8217;t want to talk about the failed novel in between, but alas, I must.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;If you followed me over the summer of 2012, you&amp;#8217;d see me discussing my novel &lt;em&gt;Sorry I Killed Your Boyfriend&lt;/em&gt;, which was pitched as &amp;#8220;Pre-powers Buffy discovers her best friend is dating Edward.&amp;#8221;  I spent about eight months wrestling with that idea, because it was such an insanely great idea to me &amp;#8211; not from a marketing perspective, but from the clash of emotions that&amp;#8217;d result when two best friends were separated by what was, in many ways, an attempted murder.  And I did my research: I read Twilight, re-watched some Buffy, found the town in Oregon this was set in, checked some medical tomes on ophthalmologic disasters (since one character was missing an eye).  There was a lot that went into that novel.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;And yet no matter how I approached this rich trove of emotion, I couldn&amp;#8217;t find its soul.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I probably should have been tipped off by Cat Valente&amp;#8217;s reaction to the fact that I wasn&amp;#8217;t keen on Labyrinth, when she expressed astonishment and I replied, &amp;#8220;The husk of a dead thirteen-year-old girl rests inside my withered heart.&amp;#8221;  Am I well-positioned to write about the travails of two adolescent teenaged girls, especially modern ones (for I hate books that act like AIM and texts and Facebook never existed, simply because the author wasn&amp;#8217;t around when those were part and parcel of high school), one going through a flighty, Twilighty romance?&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I wasn&amp;#8217;t.  But it wasn&amp;#8217;t because they were girls that I was repelled: it was the Twilight, inextricably wrapped around the core idea.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I coined the term &lt;em&gt;Philosophical Allergy&lt;/em&gt; to discuss how I felt, reading Lev Grossman&amp;#8217;s &lt;em&gt;The Magicians&lt;/em&gt;.  In many ways, Lev&amp;#8217;s book is a gorgeously written adult take on Harry Potter, meticulously characterized, with many sharp and imaginative twists.  But the central core of The Magicians is alienation &amp;#8211; the characters are all genius outcasts who, rather than band together in the face of loneliness, devise better excuses to create class divisions and emotional distance.  They&amp;#8217;re all very real people, acting in very realistic ways; having grown up in rich Connecticut, I&amp;#8217;ve known these people intimately, sometimes literally so.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I just loathed all of them.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;And so, while reading it, I found myself rejecting some of the core tenets, and finishing the book became kind of a hair shirt for me.  It was a very good book on some levels, but on another, I&amp;#8217;d found someone chronicling the precise opposite of what I hoped one day to write.  I could read it, but I could not ingest it.  I vomited out what it was attempting to do, even as I admired its technique.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;So it was with Twilight.  (Which, if you&amp;#8217;ll recall, &lt;a href="http://www.theferrett.com/ferrettworks/2012/04/the-surprising-strength-of-twilight/"&gt;I think is a very effective book&lt;/a&gt; at what it does.)  They say that much good writing is a dialogue, where one short story inspires another, and I believe that&amp;#8217;s true.  A lot of my tales are me reading someone&amp;#8217;s story and going, &amp;#8220;Oh, that&amp;#8217;s not how people react in a situation, let me show you how it goes.&amp;#8221;  And for me, trying to hew close to the idea that one of the characters was having a Twilight romance with a vampire, I found myself ridiculing the idea.  Vampires are killers.  This adolescent love of Edward she has is compelling, even universal, but if you&amp;#8217;re smart you get over that and walk away&amp;#8230; and if you don&amp;#8217;t, you find yourself constantly chasing new relationship energy, trying to build a love out of that first transitory rush.  The more I thought about the question, &amp;#8220;Why would a century-old vampire find &lt;em&gt;any&lt;/em&gt; seventeen-year-old girl appealing?&amp;#8221; the creepier the answer became.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;And I&amp;#8217;m very clever, and very tenacious, so I spent a lot of time devising ideas why this &lt;em&gt;could&lt;/em&gt; all hold together.  The problem is, those reasons weren&amp;#8217;t convincing &lt;em&gt;to me&lt;/em&gt;.  I was writing by the numbers, not invested in the characters to the depth I had to be to follow them through four hundred pages of adventures &amp;#8211; and when I realized that I couldn&amp;#8217;t justify the very things that needed to exist to make this novel tick, I immediately ragequit.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;em&gt;That&lt;/em&gt; was eight months of my life gone.  And so I was a little terrified to start a new novel.  I had all that tentative fear that a man gets on his first date after the divorce: &lt;em&gt;am I really fit for this?  &lt;/em&gt;Especially since this new novel was inspired, once again, by another television show: &lt;em&gt;what if Breaking Bad dealt with not drugs, but magic?&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Yet this novel is successful.  Very successful, I think.  So what&amp;#8217;s the difference?&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;In a way, the collapse of &lt;em&gt;Sorry I Killed Your Boyfriend&lt;/em&gt; made me sensitive to what I needed to learn for this novel.  After all, if I wasn&amp;#8217;t a big fan of &lt;em&gt;The Magicians&lt;/em&gt;, then a novel based on Breaking Bad is probably not going to be warm and fuzzy.  Breaking Bad is about a chemistry-teacher-turned-drug-dealer &amp;#8211; and it&amp;#8217;s blacky funny in the beginning, when Walter is still learning his trade, but with each season Walter gets more efficient and less lovable.  The stated goal of the show is to turn Mr. Chips into Scarface, and though the show isn&amp;#8217;t quite done yet, they&amp;#8217;ve very much succeeded.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;So considering that I like to write about love and friendship, how do I reconcile that with the source material?&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;What I wrote was indeed about drug dealers, and a violent lifestyle, and a &amp;#8216;mancy system that only springs from functionally-incapable, crazed-cat-lady-level obsessions. But even drug dealers feel affection towards each other, and drug usage has that lovely romance period where you&amp;#8217;re both taking this drug, it&amp;#8217;s awesome, the world is full of possibilities.  And this time, I treated the core of the idea that gestated this work as a mere suggestion, not a rail.  Whenever any of it conflicted with what I loved, what I loved thoroughly won.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;In other words, I didn&amp;#8217;t let someone else&amp;#8217;s philosophy drive me.  I let mine.  And so, what in the hands of someone else would have been, well, Breaking Bad, instead turns into an extended musing on fatherhood (for the Walter-analogue here has a young daughter, who unlike in Breaking Bad features prominently), and how you deal with life-destroying trauma.  It&amp;#8217;s a surprisingly warm and fuzzy book about outcasts who wreck the world with their reality-warping psychoses.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;If I&amp;#8217;d been smarter, dealing with my collapsed book, I would have realized soon on that the Edward-Bella love thing is really a philosophical allergy, and I would have not simply tried to adapt it, but I would have &lt;em&gt;transformed&lt;/em&gt; it.  I wouldn&amp;#8217;t have asked, &amp;#8220;So why are they in love?&amp;#8221;  I would have asked, &amp;#8220;So what would I fear about that love?  What would I have been attracted to?&amp;#8221;  And rather than constantly trying to wedge them into the plot that I&amp;#8217;d devised, I would have found my own voice to respond to Stephenie Meyer&amp;#8217;s take on NRE, treating it not as this thing to be transplanted into my novel, but rather my own relationships reflected in fiction.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;My error was treating the idea as if I could respond to it by copying it.  You can&amp;#8217;t do that.  You respond to another work of fiction by breathing it all in, then breathing it out as something so completely you that it&amp;#8217;s no one else.  There are adolescent romances that I could write about &amp;#8211; for, as has been noted, in many ways I move in constant tides of crushes, falling in love with strangers at the drop of a hat &amp;#8211; but I&amp;#8217;d have to write about the kind of vampire that &lt;em&gt;I&amp;#8217;d&lt;/em&gt; fall for, and not Stephenie Meyers and all her kin would.  And would that idea survive the first contact with my other concept of a Buffy-analogue wanting to kill the Edward?&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I don&amp;#8217;t know.  But now I&amp;#8217;d be wise enough to understand that if it wouldn&amp;#8217;t fit, then that darling should be the first to go.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Anyway, I&amp;#8217;m rambling.  The point is that what I learned this time around is the most obvious point, which is really what writers do: we find the obvious advice everyone bandies about, and find the way to internalize it.  The point here is that novels &amp;#8211; that fiction &amp;#8211; is about &lt;em&gt;your&lt;/em&gt; fears, &lt;em&gt;your&lt;/em&gt; deepest desires, &lt;em&gt;your&lt;/em&gt; internal kinks that pull you along&amp;#8230; and anything that leads you away from that is blunting the strongest thing in your fiction, which is to say your passion and voice.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I lost mine.  I got it back.  And now I&amp;#8217;ll spend the next several months re-passing this novel, deepening the themes and tuning the characters and making those emotional beats resonate.  Which I&amp;#8217;m able to do because at some point, I went beyond just filing off the serial numbers and actually adopted it as all my own.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p style="text-align: right"&gt;&lt;small&gt;Cross-posted from &lt;a href="http://www.theferrett.com/ferrettworks/2013/05/what-writing-this-novel-has-taught-me/" title="Read Original Post"&gt;Ferrett's Real Blog&lt;/a&gt;.&lt;/small&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

&lt;span style="font-size: smaller;"&gt;This entry has also been posted at &lt;a href="http://theferrett.dreamwidth.org/300282.html"&gt;http://theferrett.dreamwidth.org/300282.html&lt;/a&gt;. You can comment here, or comment there; makes no never-mind by me.&lt;/span&gt;</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:theferrett:1816176</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://theferrett.livejournal.com/1816176.html"/>
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    <title>The Loneliness Of The Long-Distance Writer</title>
    <published>2013-05-02T14:43:16Z</published>
    <updated>2013-05-02T14:43:16Z</updated>
    <content type="html">&lt;p&gt;I&amp;#8217;ve been thinking a lot about &lt;a href="http://cassiealexander.com/"&gt;Cassie Alexander&lt;/a&gt;.  And my career in writing.  And a lot of social isolation.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Cassie, if you don&amp;#8217;t know, is the author of the Edie Spence series, an urban fantasy featuring a nurse tending to supernatural patients.  (It&amp;#8217;s good, trust me &amp;#8211; &lt;a href="http://www.amazon.com/s?ie=UTF8&amp;amp;field-keywords=cassie%20alexander&amp;amp;index=blended&amp;amp;link_code=qs&amp;amp;sourceid=Mozilla-search&amp;amp;tag=mozilla-20"&gt;go check it out&lt;/a&gt;.)  And she&amp;#8217;s also crazily obsessed with getting her novels out in a properly urban fantasy-style schedule, which is to say every six months or so.  People like regular reads.  They don&amp;#8217;t like waiting.  It&amp;#8217;s best for your career if you can do that Seanan McGuire trick and churn out a quality novel every four months or so.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;And she has written blog entries on &amp;#8220;How To Write A Novel In Six Months.&amp;#8221;  Basically: lock yourself inside. Cut off social contacts, except for your most absolute.  &lt;em&gt;Focus&lt;/em&gt;.  (Because, you know, you&amp;#8217;re not going to be a full-time novelist, you need that day job for at least the insurance &amp;#8211; so you need to write a full novel in six months &lt;em&gt;in your spare time&lt;/em&gt;.)&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Which is a little terrifying, because I&amp;#8217;m feeling the pressure of writing as it is.  I take the craft seriously; I write every day, usually for around ninety minutes, sometimes for as long as three hours.  Which I do at the end of a long work day, so my reward for finishing the fine programming tasks of StarCityGames.com is to vanish downstairs and abandon my family.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;That focus warps my social life.  I can&amp;#8217;t really wander too far away to visit friends on the other side of town, because if it takes forty minutes to make it to the East Side, then we visit for a few hours, I won&amp;#8217;t have any time to write unless I get up at 6:00 a.m.  (Which is more difficult on beta blockers.)  When I do visit, it&amp;#8217;s going to be later in the evening or end early, because skipping my writing?  Not an option.  I&amp;#8217;m simply not good enough to not skip.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;And with all of that, assuming all goes according to schedule, I will have taken six months to write the first draft of the novel I&amp;#8217;m on now.  (Do &lt;em&gt;not&lt;/em&gt; congratulate me until I actually finish this fucking thing.)  And that&amp;#8217;s a draft as messy as a dropped pitcher of Kool-Aid; it&amp;#8217;s like a graveyard, full of dead ideas that need to be weeded, and future concepts that need to be seeded.  (The final villain in this story actually changed not once, but &lt;em&gt;twice&lt;/em&gt;, before I figured out who my protagonist&amp;#8217;s opponent was.  A strong plotter, I am not.)  That six months is more likely going to be fourteen by the time all the drafts are said and done &amp;#8211; though part of that length is just giving my beta readers the time to read an actual novel.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;That&amp;#8217;s with the luxury of no deadlines, though.  I have no agent, no publisher tugging my leash; I&amp;#8217;m just sort of doot-doot-dooting through this process, making it as good as I can, not reliant on anyone.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;But if I do sell this &amp;#8211; and they want a sequel, which is entirely possible &amp;#8211; then I&amp;#8217;d have a fire under the old ass.  I guess I&amp;#8217;d want to get this new novel boiled down, and so I would amp my usual writing time from ninety minutes to three hours, and possibly as long as five.  I&amp;#8217;d lose my social life entirely until I finished this &amp;#8211; maybe not in six months, but to try to pare the process down to under a year, certainly.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I dunno.  It&amp;#8217;s not like this is any real concern, not yet, and I know that in the end publishers want quality product over shoveled-out shit.  But I&amp;#8217;m already feeling a social pinch because I&amp;#8217;m treating this crazy hobby of mine like a career.  What happens when it &lt;em&gt;becomes&lt;/em&gt; a career, albeit a side one?  Can I be the Cassie and wall all that out to make this happen?  Am I that devoted?&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;And is that being a writer?  I don&amp;#8217;t know whether other writers in my rough area of evolution experience this kind of crunch.  Maybe Kat Howard does it all in half an hour, maybe.  Maybe they all get by with part-time jobs.  Maybe I just need more time to write, which would make sense, because it certainly takes me more time to learn how to write than it does for other writers.  (Which is not to say I&amp;#8217;m a slouch, but I know a ton of people who put in less effort and write far better stories than I do.  My main strength as a writer is not natural talent, it&amp;#8217;s &lt;em&gt;tenacity&lt;/em&gt;.)  Do other pros and semi-pros like myself feel that drain on their friendships, that vague feeling like all the kids are outside playing baseball and you&amp;#8217;re stuck inside practicing the violin?&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;This post has been brought to you by the Ferrett Overthinks Every Aspect of His Life Foundation.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p style="text-align: right"&gt;&lt;small&gt;Cross-posted from &lt;a href="http://www.theferrett.com/ferrettworks/2013/05/the-loneliness-of-the-long-distance-writer/" title="Read Original Post"&gt;Ferrett's Real Blog&lt;/a&gt;.&lt;/small&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

&lt;span style="font-size: smaller;"&gt;This entry has also been posted at &lt;a href="http://theferrett.dreamwidth.org/299945.html"&gt;http://theferrett.dreamwidth.org/299945.html&lt;/a&gt;. You can comment here, or comment there; makes no never-mind by me.&lt;/span&gt;</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:theferrett:1816020</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://theferrett.livejournal.com/1816020.html"/>
    <link rel="self" type="text/xml" href="http://theferrett.livejournal.com/data/atom/?itemid=1816020"/>
    <title>Our New Bees Have Been Installed</title>
    <published>2013-05-01T16:05:55Z</published>
    <updated>2013-05-01T16:05:55Z</updated>
    <category term="beeekeeping"/>
    <content type="html">&lt;p&gt;I would have taken a video for y&amp;#8217;all, but these bees were in pretty poor shape.  We thought at first that half of them had died overnight.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;#8230;and the bees had been stressed.  They get driven here from California via truck, and the last shipment?  Well, the truck got stuck in a Nevada tunnel for a couple of hours, and carbon monoxide did them all in.  Five hundred boxes of bees, about 500,000 innocent insects, all perished.  So the second shipment got through, but I&amp;#8217;d wager these bees had been boxed up for far longer than was good for them.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;So we dumped them in.  Alas, Queen Right Colonies, our supplier, was out of Cordovan Queens, so these bees? A gentle Italian.  Who are the most popular breed of bees in this area.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The question I&amp;#8217;ve been asked three times thus far is, &amp;#8220;Are they mean bees?&amp;#8221;  And the answer is, &amp;#8220;We don&amp;#8217;t know yet.&amp;#8221;  Like any pet, it&amp;#8217;ll take some time for them to settle in, at which point their personality will become known.  They&amp;#8217;re from a gentle breed, but that&amp;#8217;s no guarantee, and something could go wrong with the queen (as it did last year).  In any case, we&amp;#8217;ve gotten gloves and better suits, so if they &lt;em&gt;are&lt;/em&gt; mean, we&amp;#8217;ll be ready for them.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;In the meantime, we&amp;#8217;ve harvested some honey from the old bees, which is a wreck.  It&amp;#8217;s all full of gook and wax, in a thin trickle at the bottom of a food-grade bucket.  That said, there&amp;#8217;s something magical about this honey just &lt;em&gt;being here&lt;/em&gt;, and Erin, Gini, and I keep dipping our fingers in to get a taste of the local floral bouquet, the sweetness strange on our tongues.  We&amp;#8217;ll filter that shit out, get a small bottle for Amal (I want my honey poem, dammit), and see what we can salvage.  It&amp;#8217;s a messy process, but somehow vital and earth-affirming, this processed sweetness from nothing at all.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p style="text-align: right"&gt;&lt;small&gt;Cross-posted from &lt;a href="http://www.theferrett.com/ferrettworks/2013/05/our-new-bees-have-been-installed/" title="Read Original Post"&gt;Ferrett's Real Blog&lt;/a&gt;.&lt;/small&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

&lt;span style="font-size: smaller;"&gt;This entry has also been posted at &lt;a href="http://theferrett.dreamwidth.org/299630.html"&gt;http://theferrett.dreamwidth.org/299630.html&lt;/a&gt;. You can comment here, or comment there; makes no never-mind by me.&lt;/span&gt;</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:theferrett:1815709</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://theferrett.livejournal.com/1815709.html"/>
    <link rel="self" type="text/xml" href="http://theferrett.livejournal.com/data/atom/?itemid=1815709"/>
    <title>New Story! &amp;#8220;Shoebox Heaven,&amp;#8221; In Andromeda Spaceways Inflight Magazine!</title>
    <published>2013-05-01T15:24:29Z</published>
    <updated>2013-05-01T15:24:29Z</updated>
    <category term="stories"/>
    <content type="html">&lt;p&gt;&lt;a title="Andromeda Spaceways Inflight Magazine #57 by iamferrettsannoyance, on Flickr" href="http://www.andromedaspaceways.com/buy-now/latest-issue-2/"&gt;&lt;img alt="Andromeda Spaceways Inflight Magazine #57" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8133/8698220285_5f1b1e14c2_m.jpg" width="180" height="240" align="right" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&amp;#8220;&lt;a href="http://www.andromedaspaceways.com/buy-now/latest-issue-2/"&gt;Shoebox Heaven&lt;/a&gt;&amp;#8221; may be the most disturbing story I&amp;#8217;ve ever written, and yet it&amp;#8217;s strangely sweet. Even when it&amp;#8217;s been rejected, I&amp;#8217;ve had editors ask me, &amp;#8220;So did that tale of the kid seeking his cat ever find a home?&amp;#8221; It &lt;em&gt;stuck&lt;/em&gt; with them.  (As contrary to popular belief, editors don&amp;#8217;t always reject a story because it&amp;#8217;s bad; sometimes they reject it because it doesn&amp;#8217;t fit.)&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;And &amp;#8220;&lt;a href="http://www.andromedaspaceways.com/buy-now/latest-issue-2/"&gt;Shoebox Heaven&lt;/a&gt;&amp;#8221; is a weirdie &amp;#8211; one where the whole universe has gone horribly wrong, and yet we&amp;#8217;re all struggling along.  But enough sales pitch &amp;#8211; here&amp;#8217;s how it starts:&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;blockquote&gt;&lt;p&gt;Andy found Oscar, his fur clotted with lint balls, behind the dryer.  Oscar’s body was still warm because he had curled up underneath the exhaust vent, but Momma told Andy that Oscar had been dead for hours — it was just old age, was all.  Andy wanted to pet Oscar, because Oscar’s head was still tucked underneath his paws.  It was like his cat was playing a game of hide and go seek.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Andy couldn’t understand why Momma was crying.  “Let’s go to the airport,” he said, “And fly to heaven, and get Oscar.”&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;So they did.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;/blockquote&gt;
&lt;p&gt;(I should add that the genesis of this story was started by my Godson Andy, who in fact precisely said that when he was four years old and his cat Oscar died.  This story&amp;#8217;s dedicated to him, though even five years later he&amp;#8217;s not quite ready to read this one.  But I wanted a better answer for Andy than the one his mother had to give.)&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Anyway, I&amp;#8217;m proud to announce that you can &lt;a href="http://www.andromedaspaceways.com/buy-now/latest-issue-2/"&gt;read my tale at Andromeda Spaceways InFlight Magazine&lt;/a&gt;, which previously published my story &amp;#8220;&lt;a href="http://www.theferrett.com/ferrettworks/stories/the-backdated-romance/"&gt;The Backdated Romance&lt;/a&gt;.&amp;#8221;  Andromeda is a great magazine, one of the best non-pro markets to sell to in my not-so-humble opinion, and &lt;a href="http://www.andromedaspaceways.com/buy-now/latest-issue-2/"&gt;the PDF/Epub/Mobi version of Issue #57 is a mere $4.99 &lt;/a&gt;- and you get tons of other cool stories to boot, as well as a poem from my Clarion Buddy Gillian Daniels.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Pick it up, if you like crazy trips to heaven with a cat in a glass shoebox.  I promise you the angels will scoff.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p style="text-align: right"&gt;&lt;small&gt;Cross-posted from &lt;a href="http://www.theferrett.com/ferrettworks/2013/05/new-story-shoebox-heaven-in-andromeda-spaceways-inflight-magazine/" title="Read Original Post"&gt;Ferrett's Real Blog&lt;/a&gt;.&lt;/small&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

&lt;span style="font-size: smaller;"&gt;This entry has also been posted at &lt;a href="http://theferrett.dreamwidth.org/299448.html"&gt;http://theferrett.dreamwidth.org/299448.html&lt;/a&gt;. You can comment here, or comment there; makes no never-mind by me.&lt;/span&gt;</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:theferrett:1815430</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://theferrett.livejournal.com/1815430.html"/>
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    <title>Your Public Service Announcement: Not Every Attraction Is A Call To Action</title>
    <published>2013-04-30T14:28:09Z</published>
    <updated>2013-04-30T14:29:41Z</updated>
    <category term="relationships"/>
    <content type="html">&lt;p&gt;I am a flitting butterfly, forming crushes based upon the faintest of interactions.  A pretty smile and a pleasant conversation? Chances are I&amp;#8217;m swooning over her. And it would be utterly impossible for me to remain happily married if I didn&amp;#8217;t understand one fundamental truth about relationships:&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;em&gt;I don&amp;#8217;t have to follow up on every possibility.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;It&amp;#8217;s okay to have a crush on someone, and have that crush hover between us, unspoken.  I&amp;#8217;m not obligated to tell her.  If she looks as if she wouldn&amp;#8217;t be interested, then spewing my unwanted crushitude all over her face is only going to smother this potential friendship under a tide of awkwardness.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;But &lt;em&gt;why&lt;/em&gt; do I want to unburden my heart?  Because deep down, some stupid part of me believes that if there&amp;#8217;s a chance for a romance here, I must grab at it!  Which is a leftover feeling of scarcity from my teenaged years &amp;#8211; that desperate feeling that physical passion is so rare that I must instantly gorge upon any opportunity presented to me, like a caveman who&amp;#8217;s found a stockpile of honey.  If this opportunity slips by me, when will I ever have another?  Even if I&amp;#8217;m dating to someone right now.  I gotta have this.  There&amp;#8217;ll never be another.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;That&amp;#8217;s how a lot of cheating starts &amp;#8211; with an attraction.  And both parties, unused to this sort of potential popping up during committed relationships, act as though this erotic connection was some sort of fiat by God, as though people aren&amp;#8217;t drawn to each other unless they&amp;#8217;re meant to fuck&amp;#8230; and so they get down and dirty and destroy everything around them.  And you see that stripe of thinking in a lot of fundamentalist religions, where they&amp;#8217;d rather swaddle women in clothing or dehumanize them or distance them because OH MY GOD THESE WIMMENS ARE LURING ME IN LIKE THE SNAKE IN THE GARDEN OF EDEN.  If a woman looks like she might want to have sex with me, I&amp;#8217;m powerless in the grip of their come-hither lust-pheromones!&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;But no.  The world&amp;#8217;s full of possibilities, and part of being a responsible human is recognizing that you don&amp;#8217;t have to ride every rollercoaster.  I have really potent attractions to some of my closest friends, to the point where swirly daydreams invade my head while we&amp;#8217;re talking and I wonder hey, what would it be like to kiss them.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Then I slot that fantasy into reality, and think: do I really need to wager this nascent friendship, putting all that on the table just on the one-in-a-hundred chance I&amp;#8217;m misreading her and there &lt;em&gt;might&lt;/em&gt; be a potential romance here?  And even if I won the bet, would this romance be something that fits into my life right now?  She&amp;#8217;s got a boyfriend, I&amp;#8217;m a little packed with poly right now&amp;#8230; do I need to feed this flame just because I believe every candle wants to be a forest fire?&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I look at them, and weigh the odds, and stay very quiet.  It&amp;#8217;s okay to have this crush hovering between us.  It still exists, even if I never force it into action.  It&amp;#8217;s not pathetic to leave this marked as an unknown; it&amp;#8217;s an act of strength, not chasing after every pretty girl like some dog chasing cars. It&amp;#8217;s an act of respect, not forcing her hand to give me a firm and verbal &amp;#8220;no&amp;#8221; when she&amp;#8217;s been signalling her lack of interest strongly through body language and shut-down avenues of conversation.  It&amp;#8217;s an act of maturity, being strong enough that Gini can trust me not to fall in love with every kissable face that comes along.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;And that&amp;#8217;s fine, having a few unfulfilled dreams.  It means the rest of my life has less drama, is more fulfilling, and contains wonderfully sexy buddies.  Not a bad tradeoff for a little ambiguity, if you ask me.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p style="text-align: right"&gt;&lt;small&gt;Cross-posted from &lt;a href="http://www.theferrett.com/ferrettworks/2013/04/your-public-service-announcement-not-every-attraction-is-a-call-to-action/" title="Read Original Post"&gt;Ferrett's Real Blog&lt;/a&gt;.&lt;/small&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

&lt;span style="font-size: smaller;"&gt;This entry has also been posted at &lt;a href="http://theferrett.dreamwidth.org/299175.html"&gt;http://theferrett.dreamwidth.org/299175.html&lt;/a&gt;. You can comment here, or comment there; makes no never-mind by me.&lt;/span&gt;</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:theferrett:1815118</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://theferrett.livejournal.com/1815118.html"/>
    <link rel="self" type="text/xml" href="http://theferrett.livejournal.com/data/atom/?itemid=1815118"/>
    <title>Covered In Bees: The Dead Hive (With Video!)</title>
    <published>2013-04-29T17:16:32Z</published>
    <updated>2013-04-29T17:16:32Z</updated>
    <category term="beeekeeping"/>
    <content type="html">&lt;p&gt;So do you want to see a box of bees?  I&amp;#8217;m very thrilled.  I got it this weekend.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a title="Box of bees by iamferrettsannoyance, on Flickr" href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/theferrett/8692420641/"&gt;&lt;img alt="Box of bees" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8393/8692420641_8b170b324a.jpg" width="500" height="375" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;As we all know, the B-Wing is the coolest fighter in all of Star Wars, so after years of lusting after a Kenner B-Wing I found a reproduction, and&amp;#8230;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Oh, wait.  Bees.  You want to know about our &lt;em&gt;bees&lt;/em&gt;.  Well, you&amp;#8217;ll be happy to know that I took videos!&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;As you recall, Bob, we had two hives last year: our old hive of bees, which were nice and docile and kind, and our new bees, which were vicious and had stings that could swell your hand to the point of unusability for two days.  We stopped feeding the new bees, partially because they stung us every time we tried to swap the container, and partially because if they died we&amp;#8217;d breathe a sigh of relief.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Now it looks like the exceptionally long winter did them in.  I have mixed emotions about this.  On the one hand, they were so stupid as to sting the hand that fed them, actively aggressive to the point where we could not help them.  On the other, we did haul them all the way out from California to live in our yard, and as such had assumed responsibility for them to a certain extent.  I feel like I murdered a bunch of insects, which were as innocent as insects get.  I mean, millions of years of evolution had taught them that things poking around their hive were usually harmful, and it&amp;#8217;s not really their fault that they didn&amp;#8217;t understand our beneficial intent.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Still, now I can walk in the back yard without feeling oppressed.  So hey.  Mixed.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Anyway, here are Gini and me getting into the dead hive, showing you what it looks like when all the bees are gone &amp;#8211; if by &amp;#8220;all the bees,&amp;#8221; you mean &amp;#8220;a tragic handful&amp;#8221;:&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;lj-embed id="179" /&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;And here&amp;#8217;s the unexpected benefit the bees left behind, which we certainly were not expecting.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;lj-embed id="180" /&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The good news is, we&amp;#8217;re getting a fresh box of bees on Wednesday, and when we put them in this old hive, they&amp;#8217;ll have a hell of a head start.  Bees are not sentimental creatures, and they will move into this new home, happy to not have to expend valuable food and energy on making comb everywhere.  They&amp;#8217;ll clean it out &amp;#8211; bees are fastidious &amp;#8211; and set up shop quickly, making us hope that we may gets some honey from these new guys come the fall.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Assuming they&amp;#8217;re not mean bees.  But we have a nice queen this time around.  Denzil has assured us this queen is gentle and nice and lays very sweet workers.  Or so we hope.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p style="text-align: right"&gt;&lt;small&gt;Cross-posted from &lt;a href="http://www.theferrett.com/ferrettworks/2013/04/covered-in-bees-the-dead-hive-with-video/" title="Read Original Post"&gt;Ferrett's Real Blog&lt;/a&gt;.&lt;/small&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

&lt;span style="font-size: smaller;"&gt;This entry has also been posted at &lt;a href="http://theferrett.dreamwidth.org/298790.html"&gt;http://theferrett.dreamwidth.org/298790.html&lt;/a&gt;. You can comment here, or comment there; makes no never-mind by me.&lt;/span&gt;</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:theferrett:1814984</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://theferrett.livejournal.com/1814984.html"/>
    <link rel="self" type="text/xml" href="http://theferrett.livejournal.com/data/atom/?itemid=1814984"/>
    <title>Thoughts On The First Four Seasons Of The Wire</title>
    <published>2013-04-26T15:49:15Z</published>
    <updated>2013-04-26T15:51:47Z</updated>
    <content type="html">&lt;p&gt;Last night, we finished off Season Four of The Wire, which was the most depressing season ender ever.  While The Wire&amp;#8217;s never been an &amp;#8220;up with people&amp;#8221; show, at least the previous three seasons have been able to end on &lt;em&gt;some&lt;/em&gt; note of triumph &amp;#8211; Season Four puts four young, poor kids through the wringer and leaves the police grasping at straws.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;That&amp;#8217;s all right, though.  I&amp;#8217;m looking at Season Four as the Empire Strikes Back season, as there&amp;#8217;s too many hanging plot threads to call it complete &amp;#8211; they&amp;#8217;re literally only finding the bodies.  I&amp;#8217;m not saying that Baltimore will be all unicorns and ponies by the time we&amp;#8217;re done, but I&amp;#8217;m pretty sure we&amp;#8217;ll make headway somewhere.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;There are those who say that The Wire is the greatest television show ever, and I&amp;#8217;m not sure I buy into that.  What I &lt;em&gt;will&lt;/em&gt; say is that The Wire is absolutely unique in television, a sprawling drama (with literally 70+ characters to keep track of) that shows an absolutely complex interplay between the cops, the criminals, the politicians, and the bureaucracy that houses all of these.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I remember a soldier once referring to war as &amp;#8220;fighting a fire that learns to fight back,&amp;#8221; and no show details that better than The Wire &amp;#8211; which draws a keen line between &amp;#8220;uneducated&amp;#8221; and &amp;#8220;smart.&amp;#8221;  These kids on the streets may not know how to read, but that&amp;#8217;s because the environment they&amp;#8217;re in doesn&amp;#8217;t reward book learning. The Wire seems to posit that intelligence is handed around evenly, but the rewards for the ways one uses those native smarts manifest &lt;em&gt;very&lt;/em&gt; differently depending the culture you&amp;#8217;re born into.  If you&amp;#8217;re really smart and poor in Baltimore, then you&amp;#8217;re going to get rewarded a lot more for drug dealing than for trying to go to college &amp;#8211; not just in money, but in the support from your friends, and the protection from your allies.  And that&amp;#8217;s shown in a lot of very subtle ways.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;And so the dealers are cunning, finding increasingly complex ways to bamboozle both the cops and their competitors.  A lot of The Wire is a strange joy in seeing how the drug trade is adapting to the changes.  You wind up admiring some of these folks for how they do it, if not necessarily &lt;em&gt;what&lt;/em&gt; they do.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Watch The Wire long enough and you become a part of it.  I&amp;#8217;m in Season Four, and some of the older drug dealers have been killed or caught &amp;#8211; and new dealers have arisen to take their place.  And these new kids, I don&amp;#8217;t know them, I didn&amp;#8217;t get to see their internal lives like I did with the old guys, they&amp;#8217;re cold and scary.  And I found myself reminiscing for the good old days, when the guys I knew were running things, back when the streets of Baltimore seemed predictable &amp;#8211; which is ludicrous.  The guys in Season One were killers, in some ways maniacs, selling drugs to dead-eyed junkies.  But I at least knew their rules, and so I find myself one of the old soldiers mourning that the neighborhood&amp;#8217;s gone to hell, when it really hasn&amp;#8217;t.  It was hell when I got here.  The hell has just changed temperatures.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The Wire also gave me one scene that just utterly weirded me out: three black guys, in a room.  The black guys were all cops.  They all had distinct personalities, I knew them as individuals, and they were assembled &amp;#8211; debating &amp;#8211; for reasons that had nothing to do with their blackness, just three African-Americans quietly hashing out a solution to a problem.  And I thought, &amp;#8220;When was the last time I saw three black men as heroes in a show not specifically marketed to African-Americans?&amp;#8221;  And I realized the answer was never.  That doesn&amp;#8217;t happen.  There&amp;#8217;s usually one or two people on a cast as The Black Guy &amp;#8211; but enough of them that they could meet, coincidentally, in a room?  Never.  But a truly multiracial cast really brought that reality home to me, and it made me sad.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;As I close out Season Four, though, what truly sticks with me is Randy.  Poor, fucking Randy, a young stupid kid who was bad but redeemable, who got backed into a corner and made one mistake.  And because of very small errors in the system, each done by people who were mostly trying to do the right things for stupid reasons, the consequences of that mistake got magnified until his whole life unravelled.  Like The Joker, he had one bad day, and that day will fuck him up now and forever, robbing him of any chance to do anything good ever again.  And maybe that&amp;#8217;d be acceptable for a grown man &amp;#8211; maybe &amp;#8211; but he was a dumb kid.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Sometimes that&amp;#8217;s the way life is.  Sometimes, there&amp;#8217;s one bad thing you do &amp;#8211; maybe even not that bad &amp;#8211; and it shapes the rest of your days.  But man, is it bitter to see poor Randy condemned for mistakes that weren&amp;#8217;t even mostly his.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;And now I try to envision a Batman/The Wire crossover, which is surprisingly tricky to envision.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p style="text-align: right"&gt;&lt;small&gt;Cross-posted from &lt;a href="http://www.theferrett.com/ferrettworks/2013/04/thoughts-on-the-first-four-seasons-of-the-wire/" title="Read Original Post"&gt;Ferrett's Real Blog&lt;/a&gt;.&lt;/small&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

&lt;span style="font-size: smaller;"&gt;This entry has also been posted at &lt;a href="http://theferrett.dreamwidth.org/298699.html"&gt;http://theferrett.dreamwidth.org/298699.html&lt;/a&gt;. You can comment here, or comment there; makes no never-mind by me.&lt;/span&gt;</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:theferrett:1814592</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://theferrett.livejournal.com/1814592.html"/>
    <link rel="self" type="text/xml" href="http://theferrett.livejournal.com/data/atom/?itemid=1814592"/>
    <title>Your Last Chance To Have A Miserable, Short Life</title>
    <published>2013-04-26T15:17:27Z</published>
    <updated>2013-04-26T15:17:27Z</updated>
    <content type="html">&lt;p&gt;Just a reminder for all Cleveland locals that &lt;a href="http://www.theferrett.com/ferrettworks/2013/04/so-who-wants-to-play-some-fiasco/"&gt;I&amp;#8217;m running a game of Fiasco this Sunday&lt;/a&gt;.  I&amp;#8217;d kind of like to find more people to roleplay with in the area, maybe restart a campaign of mine, so if you&amp;#8217;re interested, let me know!&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p style="text-align: right"&gt;&lt;small&gt;Cross-posted from &lt;a href="http://www.theferrett.com/ferrettworks/2013/04/your-last-chance-to-have-a-miserable-short-life/" title="Read Original Post"&gt;Ferrett's Real Blog&lt;/a&gt;.&lt;/small&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

&lt;span style="font-size: smaller;"&gt;This entry has also been posted at &lt;a href="http://theferrett.dreamwidth.org/298339.html"&gt;http://theferrett.dreamwidth.org/298339.html&lt;/a&gt;. You can comment here, or comment there; makes no never-mind by me.&lt;/span&gt;</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:theferrett:1814460</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://theferrett.livejournal.com/1814460.html"/>
    <link rel="self" type="text/xml" href="http://theferrett.livejournal.com/data/atom/?itemid=1814460"/>
    <title>How Comics Work</title>
    <published>2013-04-25T20:50:40Z</published>
    <updated>2013-04-25T20:50:40Z</updated>
    <content type="html">&lt;p&gt;ME, TO GINI, AS WE WATCH JUSTICE LEAGUE UNLIMITED: &amp;#8220;Now, the &lt;em&gt;traditional&lt;/em&gt; way that Shazam beats Superman is by him shouting out his name and calling magical lightning down on a magically-vulnerable Superman.&amp;#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;GINI: &amp;#8220;Do Superman and Shazam traditionally dislike each other?&amp;#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;ME: &amp;#8220;No.  Actually, they kind of like each other.  Yet somehow they wind up fighting all the time anyway.&amp;#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p style="text-align: right"&gt;&lt;small&gt;Cross-posted from &lt;a href="http://www.theferrett.com/ferrettworks/2013/04/how-comics-work/" title="Read Original Post"&gt;Ferrett's Real Blog&lt;/a&gt;.&lt;/small&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

&lt;span style="font-size: smaller;"&gt;This entry has also been posted at &lt;a href="http://theferrett.dreamwidth.org/298085.html"&gt;http://theferrett.dreamwidth.org/298085.html&lt;/a&gt;. You can comment here, or comment there; makes no never-mind by me.&lt;/span&gt;</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:theferrett:1814023</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://theferrett.livejournal.com/1814023.html"/>
    <link rel="self" type="text/xml" href="http://theferrett.livejournal.com/data/atom/?itemid=1814023"/>
    <title>How We Heal</title>
    <published>2013-04-25T15:46:44Z</published>
    <updated>2013-04-25T15:54:29Z</updated>
    <category term="gini"/>
    <category term="recuperation"/>
    <content type="html">&lt;p&gt;For Gini&amp;#8217;s birthday, we went out to one of the nicest restaurants in town &amp;#8211; Pier W, an elegant restaurant that juts out over the lake.  It was raining, but that gave us a beautiful view of Cleveland&amp;#8217;s choppy waters, looking big as an ocean, admiring the slate-gray sky and the way water fell into water.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I could tell we were getting better because we began to tell stories.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The thing few people tell you is that after the heart attack, there&amp;#8217;s trauma to be unknotted. I almost died; Gini waited for me to die.  The weeks afterwards had a weird, plastic feel, as though I was living in a bubble.  The pain went away, but this strange uncertainty didn&amp;#8217;t waver, this sense that something had changed and we could not quite name it.  We were afraid to trust the future.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;And horrific fights resulted, because when you&amp;#8217;ve had a heart attack, you must have lifestyle changes, and every bite becomes a matter of literal life and death.  Gini and I had the most vicious battle we&amp;#8217;ve had in almost seven years over, of all things, seven bites of a chocolate ganache.  But she&amp;#8217;s traumatized and terrified, and I&amp;#8217;m frustrated and furious at this narrower, healthier world, and so the adjustments were inevitable.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;And after we found what seemed like a new fit, we retreated. We&amp;#8217;ve been cuddling a lot, going on dates just by ourselves, not feeling like socializing. Gini&amp;#8217;s 55th birthday should have been cause for a raucous party, but all we wanted to do was spend time with each other &amp;#8211; not even with our daughter Erin, just relishing this slow time in each other&amp;#8217;s arms.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Over heart-healthy tuna and scallops, we began to tell stories of the surgery, smiling.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;She told me the absurdity of waiting around for me to heal, of rushing home to try to be with me in time for the catheter, what the mood was when I was out of the operating room and everyone went out for Mexican.  I told her how strange it was, waiting in the ER, feeling perfectly fine and yet being told I could pop off at any moment.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Slowly, lovingly, we began to probe those experiences for the silliest and scariest bits, transforming raw terror into anecdote.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;It&amp;#8217;s how we heal, here at La Casa McJuddMetz; we take our lowest moments and refuse to let them define us.  Instead, we haul the boogeyman out from under the bed and dress him in jester&amp;#8217;s clothing, turning this too-human fear into a way of entertaining people at parties.  And why not?  Our fears are, in many ways, what defines as humans, these terribly silly moments where we were mortified but might have been amusing with time or another angle.  Comedy is pain, pain is comedy, spinning one effortlessly into the other.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Over wine by a very beautiful landscape, we began to laugh. To place the events that unmanned us into as something firmly in the past, an experience that was once now but is currently over, a thing that so affrighted us back then but is not all that relevant to today.  To give these moments their respect, but not to allow them to drive us any more.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;We drank wine, and felt the normality seeping back in, and watched the sea.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p style="text-align: right"&gt;&lt;small&gt;Cross-posted from &lt;a href="http://www.theferrett.com/ferrettworks/2013/04/how-we-heal/" title="Read Original Post"&gt;Ferrett's Real Blog&lt;/a&gt;.&lt;/small&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

&lt;span style="font-size: smaller;"&gt;This entry has also been posted at &lt;a href="http://theferrett.dreamwidth.org/297821.html"&gt;http://theferrett.dreamwidth.org/297821.html&lt;/a&gt;. You can comment here, or comment there; makes no never-mind by me.&lt;/span&gt;</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:theferrett:1813872</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://theferrett.livejournal.com/1813872.html"/>
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    <title>An Unfortunate Correction To Yesterday&amp;#8217;s Birthday Wishes</title>
    <published>2013-04-25T14:47:26Z</published>
    <updated>2013-04-25T14:47:45Z</updated>
    <category term="gini"/>
    <content type="html">&lt;p&gt;In &lt;a href="http://www.theferrett.com/ferrettworks/2013/04/it-is-the-birthday-of-my-wife/"&gt;wishing my wife a happy birthday yesterday&lt;/a&gt;, I said this:&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;#8220;If you think I’m wise, witty, or at all interesting, she’s probably about 50% of that.&amp;#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Now, what I meant to say was, &amp;#8220;If you think I’m wise, witty, or at all interesting, she’s probably &lt;em&gt;responsible for&lt;/em&gt; about 50% of that.&amp;#8221;  Instead of complimenting her, I made it sound like I thought my wife was half as interesting as I was.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;However, I did prove my point.  Gini did not approve that birthday wish at all before it went live.  If she had, she would have said, &amp;#8220;Uh&amp;#8230; is that what you meant to say?&amp;#8221; and I would have corrected it.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;This is the function Gini serves in my life: stopping me from rampant stupidity.  Give her a hand, folks.  She&amp;#8217;ll be here all week.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p style="text-align: right"&gt;&lt;small&gt;Cross-posted from &lt;a href="http://www.theferrett.com/ferrettworks/2013/04/an-unfortunately-correction-to-yesterdays-birthday-wishes/" title="Read Original Post"&gt;Ferrett's Real Blog&lt;/a&gt;.&lt;/small&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

&lt;span style="font-size: smaller;"&gt;This entry has also been posted at &lt;a href="http://theferrett.dreamwidth.org/297552.html"&gt;http://theferrett.dreamwidth.org/297552.html&lt;/a&gt;. You can comment here, or comment there; makes no never-mind by me.&lt;/span&gt;</content>
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