The Watchtower of Destruction: The Ferrett's Journal - Fuck You. FUCK YOU.

The Watchtower of Destruction: The Ferrett's Journal - Fuck You. FUCK YOU.

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July 11th, 2003

07:49 pm

Fuck You. FUCK YOU.
So when I was out at Origins, I went to dinner and told everyone in the restaurant to go fuck themselves. Now, admittedly, I was with a Marine fresh out of the Gulf, but the entire night was spent in one big fuckin' entertaining conversation.

"Fucking Christ," said I, "He's full of shit. That lying cocksucker was trying to be slick, but he couldn't find his ass with two hands and a goddamn flashlight."

(Interesting enough, "Pussy" is off-limits. I stammer when I have to say "pussy." I don't know why.)

Pete, my boss, kept panicking throughout the entire evening. "My God," he said, the sweat pouring from his brow, "Would you keep it down?"

I tried to keep a damper on my foul mouth, but the fucks and goddamns kept squirting out around the edges - one or two at first, but then ramping into yet another torrent of obscenities. At which point Pete, who looked as pained as if he was trying to pass a bowling ball through his urethra, hushed me again.

As I walked out of the restaurant, I looked at a woman, sitting next to her adorable eight-year-old daughter, looking up at me as if I were Goerring resurrected. Her daughter, aged fully two years thanks to one conversation, stared at me with aged eyes, still trying to comprehend the words that were ringing through her cranium.

Tonight, while at dinner, Iain called me fat, and I lunged across the table, saying, "Fuck you. No. Fuck. You." An old lady gasped, and the waiter - who had been pleasant, telling us stories and jokes - suddenly just tossed our food on the table and left immediately, as if the air about us was suffused with Sarin.

And I realized: The job's getting to me. When I was working in the office, for nine hours a day I had to suppress my natural fucking urges; I was foul by office standards, but the occasional "fuck" in a meeting was all it was.

Now that I work at home, there is no reason to not say fuck. I can type it, I can say it, I can shout it at the mailman, I can spraypaint it on the bathroom walls� And when I go out to restaurants, the barriers are shatter. I have become a fire hydrant of obscenities, spraying fucks to children of all sorts, a cloud of swears so harsh that it stings the eyes like cut onions.

I've got to fucking get ahold of myself.

Fuck, I did it again.

Current Mood: distressed

(32 shouts of denial | Tell me I'm full of it)

Comments

From:	kibbles
Date:	July 11th, 2003 07:56 pm (UTC)

(Link)

Ever since I stopped working in an office, my mouth has gotten oh so foul.

Scary thing is the reason I am NOT in an office is I am home to raise the kids. Oops.

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From:	jasonlove
Date:	July 11th, 2003 07:58 pm (UTC)

(Link)

For me, it's the opposite. The worst I can usually manage is "crap," and that's when NO ONE ELSE IS AROUND. Sorry, but the whole point of expletives is that they're a release -- and when your release spigot seems to be clogged as mine is, it's hard not to envy the unhinged.

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From:	theferrett
Date:	July 15th, 2003 12:03 pm (UTC)

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Trust me, it's not all it's cracked up to be. There are times I wish I didn't always feel the urge to speak my mind.

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From:	dreagoddess
Date:	July 11th, 2003 08:01 pm (UTC)

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I'm not sure if what works with PsychoCat works with Ferretts, but I could try spraying you with a water bottle every time you said it?

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From:	theferrett
Date:	July 15th, 2003 12:04 pm (UTC)

(Link)

If you did it consistently? Yes.

Sadly, I work alone!

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From:	zoethe
Date:	July 11th, 2003 08:01 pm (UTC)

Another reason to get a grip

(Link)

Amy will be here soon and you know that it distresses her. Control, control, you must learn control!!

(Spraypaint in the bathroom is right out, too.)

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From:	varna
Date:	July 11th, 2003 08:23 pm (UTC)

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I'm just as bad. I keep trying to remember not to swear around the kids, but they're very like to tell a teacher to fuck off and go to hell. I'm waiting for that call.

Ah, well. If they don't like it, "fuck the fucking fuckers."

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From:	icyphoenix
Date:	July 11th, 2003 08:47 pm (UTC)

The rant of Jay

(Link)

"Fuck, fuck, mother mother fuck. Motherfuck, motherfuck, mother mother fuck fuck. Schmokin' weed, schmokin' weed, doin' coke, drinkin' beer..."

And that's all I can remember.

You're not fat until you have bigger boobs than I do (34B). No worries, Furry Overlord.

I'll see you tomorrow. We'll probably be able to stay later than I originally thought, if we can find the place.

Don't hurt Iain. He's Canadian, ya know.

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From:	ross_winn
Date:	July 11th, 2003 08:48 pm (UTC)

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once, in describing myself as a writer, I used the term 'fucking eloquent'.

it sort of didn't work.

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From:	theferrett
Date:	July 15th, 2003 12:04 pm (UTC)

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No, that fucking well didn't. *g*

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(Deleted comment)

From:	theferrett
Date:	July 15th, 2003 12:04 pm (UTC)

(Link)

...and you didn't beforehand? *snif*

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From:	blairwitchgreen
Date:	July 11th, 2003 08:51 pm (UTC)

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When the fuck are we gonna get the fucking scoop on the GP Trials tonight for fucks sake?

;)

Bennie

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From:	blairwitchgreen
Date:	July 11th, 2003 08:52 pm (UTC)

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P.S. I really can't believe Iain would say something rude!

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From:	shawnj
Date:	July 11th, 2003 11:26 pm (UTC)

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I say fuck them and say whatever the fuck you want to, IMHFO.

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From:	theferrett
Date:	July 15th, 2003 12:06 pm (UTC)

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Nah; I'm not the sort of person who believes in yelling "fuck" in a theater just because I can. One thing far too many free speech advocates forget is politeness; common courtesy is nice.

By the same principle, some guy could just keep letting loose huge, wet farts during dinner and claim it was his right. No; he was an asshole, and so was I.

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From:	shawnj
Date:	July 15th, 2003 12:16 pm (UTC)

Re:

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No; he was an asshole, and so was I.

Yeah, but I thought that was one of your qualities.

*ducks*

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From:	theferrett
Date:	July 15th, 2003 12:19 pm (UTC)

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I am an asshole. However, I try to keep that to myself as much as possible...

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From:	speedball
Date:	July 12th, 2003 02:07 am (UTC)

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"Fuck, I did it again."

The latest single from Britney Spears...

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From:	(Anonymous)
Date:	July 13th, 2003 01:23 pm (UTC)

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Considering it took her 2 years to do Justin Timberlake, then I guess!

Meanwhile Ferrett, *SLAP* - Wake up to it! Think Quentin Crisp, calm and chilled - Don't think Pulp Mother[Ooh.. thats naught]ing Fiction.

Keith (Who recently watched Pulp Fiction again, and really noticed how much Tarantino likes the words "Mother[Nope, I'm not writing it!]ing".)
www.20six.co.uk/kspragg (http://www.20six.co.uk/kspragg)

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From:	theferrett
Date:	July 15th, 2003 12:06 pm (UTC)

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Good God, I'd NEVER want to be Quentin Crisp! What a horrible thought....

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From:	correspondguy
Date:	July 12th, 2003 10:35 am (UTC)

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In the immortal words of Lenny Bruce, "Joke 'em if they can't take a fuck"

IMHO, if one eavesdrops, and listening to another table's conversation is eavesdropping, one takes what one hears.

Cartman is my God.

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From:	neilcarver
Date:	July 12th, 2003 04:53 pm (UTC)

Posts like this...

(Link)

... lead me to that awful mental immage of the Ferrett, in a pathetic and tortured attempt to emulate the comic character Spider Jerusalem, is sitting in a dusty backroom with a syringe full of a mix of methamphetamines and Drano shove up his nose. He double taps the plunger after every sentence, then spasms out the next one, unable to see the lines he is typing from the blood and efluvium coating his screen.

And to think I let this guy sleep in my house a couple times a month, and even stay unattended while S and I are at work.

Shuuddddddeerrrrrrr.

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From:	theferrett
Date:	July 15th, 2003 12:07 pm (UTC)

Re: Posts like this...

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Believe me, I don't work at being me. I used to be all pretense and shock, trying to show people how outrageous I was; now it's all boiled down to the core of a very strange man nonetheless.

Everything I write and say is pretty much what I think. That's even scarier than me trying to be some Spider Jerusalem clone.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

From:	funwithrage
Date:	July 12th, 2003 06:39 pm (UTC)

(Link)

I wouldn't worry about it if I were you. The line between being publically obnoxious and other people being oversensitive fucks is drawn much, much further than profanity, in my opinion. As long as you're not screaming "FUCK YOU" at the top of your lungs in a crowded diner, you're good: if old people are dismayed by bad language, they shouldn't go out in public these days, and kids, enh, kids need to learn that a little swearing ain't the end of the world, otherwise they grow up to be prissy goody-two-shoes or serial killers. Besides, having your kids learn to swear is the price you pay for exposing other people to young children, IMO. Me, I try to curb it around my grandparents and people I want a job from, and leave it at that.

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From:	theferrett
Date:	July 15th, 2003 12:08 pm (UTC)

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See my response to Shawn. It's not wrong to be offended by strong language; it is wrong to be inconsiderate...

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From:	brownsfan56
Date:	July 13th, 2003 12:18 am (UTC)

Oh my God...

(Link)

The Ferrett strikes again...

http://www.steakandcheese.com/content/detail.asp?ID=5874&type=1&page=1

I just happened to run into that tonight after I read your lj, and thought it was appropriately funny. Maybe because, I, like yourself, am inflicted with the filthy mouth disease.

I've been doing better lately, but it wasn't until I heard Angel utter her first, "Fuck!" that I actually realized quite how bad I had gotten. Still, I am liable to rip off a string of obscenities a mile long at any given moment.

I work nights now, although I am looking for a new job at the present moment. Hell, I'm damn near scared to interview, though. Dropping the f-bomb is so second nature to me, I can just see me using it during interviews.

"So, Mr. Wilt, why are you leaving your current position."

"Well, sir, there's just no fucking opportunity for advancement....hey, where the fuck are you going?"

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From:	wynterknight
Date:	July 13th, 2003 02:57 am (UTC)

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Tsk tsk tsk.

I sympathize with you; I swear pretty regularly, myself, but I try really hard to curb it when I'm around kids or old people.

Funny thing is, I used to have to try really really hard to swear--it was something I had to make myself do, I couldn't just do it spontaneously. Then, I started working at this place run by hardcore Christians, and they said "crap," which became like a gateway word for me--from there I quickly progressed to "shit," "ass," and "fuck"... and when I went to college, it all just degenerated from there...

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From:	theferrett
Date:	July 15th, 2003 12:10 pm (UTC)

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Me too. I remember asking when I was very young: "Mommy, is it okay for me to say 'darn'?"

The fucking floodgates opened right after that.

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From:	wynterknight
Date:	July 15th, 2003 07:47 pm (UTC)

Re:

(Link)

lol Now I'm trying to make my swearing more creative, but I'm not always successful at it. I like the Shakespearean way of swearing, with creative epithets and descriptive insults rather than the knee-jerk "fuck"... unfortunately, it's become as common as "umm" in my speech, and I'm not always quick enough on my feet to come up with more original curses.

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From:	koibito007
Date:	July 13th, 2003 01:07 pm (UTC)

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HA aHA haha haa hah ha ha...

*whew*

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From:	of_little_note
Date:	July 14th, 2003 10:51 am (UTC)

Unintentional Swearing

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Hi Ferrett,

I am not a profain man. At one time I was a construction worker, but swearing is not my style. Yet, on occasion, I cannot prevent myself from swearing. Every other sentence is full of 'Fucking Shit' or 'God Damned' something or other. Three weeks ago it happened when I was talking to my buddies 12 year old son with his 6 and 3 year old step-children listening. I was mortified, but unable to prevent the words that were streaming from my mouth. I finally had to just stop talking.

I think we all have a little Tourettes that pops out at the worst times...

- Dan

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From:	theferrett
Date:	July 15th, 2003 12:10 pm (UTC)

Re: Unintentional Swearing

(Link)

YOU may have a little Tourettes'. Me? I have Regan from the Exorcist living in my throat, spewing out acidic bile 24/7....

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