The Watchtower of Destruction: The Ferrett's Journal - It's That Day
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11:35 am
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It's That Day
"So what'd you do this weekend?"
"I went to a bread and soup party?"
"Bread and soup party? What the hell is that?"
"Friends of mine, Kat and Eric - you know them, right?"
"Well, I've heard of them."
"I'd introduce you if you weren't such an ass. Anyway, they hold a bread and soup party every year. A hundred people show up - no shit, a hundred people - and eat bread and home-made soup and talk a lot."
"Where do they get the soup? It's not like you have gallons of soup laying around."
"This is the great part - they make it."
"What, by themselves?"
"Naw. If you're a special guest (and you have some cooking skill), they invite you over for the real party - the soup-making. You sit around with friends in a kitchen for hours, cooking, chopping, and bullshitting. You make foul jokes. It's great. And when it's done, you have soup."
"So they make soup for friends."
"Yeah."
"Sounds like a lot of effort."
"And if you weren't such an asshole, you'd see how insanely good it is."
"I'm not an asshole. I just don't see myself spending fifteen hours making soup so people can come tromping into my house."
"Well, they do. And it's great."
"If it's so great, why wasn't I invited?"
"That's why it's great."
"Oh, very funny."
"Anyway, so this weekend I was at the soup party - "
" - with Kat and Eric - "
" - and Molly and Jen and Gini, I was goddamned bathed in hottie chicks - boobs were comin' out of the woodwork, innuendo everywhere, and - "
" - and you were gay."
"I prefer not to think of it as gay (I'm not afraid of the term, I just hate the fucking PC police who tell me I can't say that, whah whah), but yes. I was gay."
"She did that to you."
"I know. I know. I got married to Gini, and suddenly I stopped sleeping around with all the women, I began cooking, I became cleaner. I could feel the homosexuality leaching into me."
"It's toxic when you get a mix of straight and gay, really. Gay's fine by itself, but... the mixture. You get a guy who's neat, but without fashion sense. I mean, look at your goddamned hair; you can't talk sports, but if you were all-the-way gay, you'd have a nice haircut. As it is, you don't know how to dress and you can't talk about sports. You're a fucking mess."
"I know, I know. So I was surrounded by a bevy of cuties, and I was worried about my soup."
"You had a soup?"
"We all did. Every team of people brought a recipe. Mine was black bean."
"A manly soup."
"For what it was. Anyway, people were dipping bread in my soup, and I was panicking."
"Because the soup was bad?"
"Because it wasn't done. Not yet. It needed limes to bring out the top note."
"The 'top note'?"
"I know. I said that, and everyone looked at me funny. 'The top note,' I explained. 'It's all heavy now, but the lime brings out a brightness in the soup.' And my wife called me gay. And that's when I screamed, 'YOU DID THIS TO ME! YOU MADE ME THIS GAY FRANKENSTEIN!' "
"That's not that funny, you know."
"Well, not the way that we're telling it."
"So why are we clogging people's pages with a seventy-line essay that could have been told in two paragraphs?"
"Did you fucking forget, you moron? Today is 'Talk Like Brian Michael Bendis Day.' Now get to it."
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![[User Picture]](http://l-userpic.livejournal.com/81795049/596814) | | From: | ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) katranna |
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| Date: | December 12th, 2005 04:42 pm (UTC) |
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I'm like, queen of PC police, and even I gotta say that "gay" is not offensive when it's actually used to mean "gay." (As opposed to say, "lame.")
![[User Picture]](http://l-userpic.livejournal.com/17144828/1085137) | | From: | fub |
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| Date: | December 12th, 2005 04:47 pm (UTC) |
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In fact, the GLAAD would rather have you use the word 'gay' than 'homosexual'.
"Get to it? Are you telling me what to do now, like I'm your fucking little Nazi soldier or something?"
"Oh, there you go, bringing up Nazis again. That's a killer on the internet, you know."
"They were killers in real life, you know."
"No, a conversation-killer, you ass."
"A conversation-killer?"
"A conversation-killer. Anytime someone brings up Nazis, it means the end of a conversation on the internet."
"I thought that was Hitler."
"You thought it was Hitler?"
"I thought it was Hitler. Hitler is the one you can't mention without ending a conversation on the internet--"
"--not just Nazis in general?"
"--not just Nazis in general, no."
"Well."
"Hm."
"Yeah.
"..."
"Hitler."
"Ass."
I was like, totally where you were going.
| From: | morlockx |
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| Date: | December 12th, 2005 04:50 pm (UTC) |
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haha..
Thanks, needed the diversion
The soup party sounds great!
![[User Picture]](http://l-userpic.livejournal.com/12194904/931135) | | From: | teddust |
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| Date: | December 12th, 2005 04:53 pm (UTC) |
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Seems more like "Talk like a Pale Mage article" day to me.
You think this sounds like Pale Mage?
| | From: | teddust |
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| Date: | December 12th, 2005 05:11 pm (UTC) |
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Well, I guess you don't use "dude" every other word. I could also actually finish reading this, so it really isn't that much like Pale Mage. I think I just associate dialog between the author and an imaginary foil with Pale Mage.
By the way, I've never read any Brian Michael Bendis comics so you could be doing a spot on imitation and I'd never know.
Yeah, I was expecting some Aluren strategy to start falling in somewhere.
R
![[User Picture]](http://l-userpic.livejournal.com/82771973/446406) | | From: | zoethe |
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| Date: | December 12th, 2005 06:12 pm (UTC) |
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He said he thought it sounded like Pale Mage.
Who the fuck is Pale Mage?
| | From: | zoethe |
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| Date: | December 13th, 2005 09:41 am (UTC) |
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I have no idea. I was just continuing the BMB talk.
![[User Picture]](http://l-userpic.livejournal.com/61912977/810751) | | From: | jfargo |
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| Date: | December 12th, 2005 04:54 pm (UTC) |
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"Hey man, you have to read theferrett." "I have to?" "Well, you know what I mean. He's hilarious." "Hilarious? "Yeah, that's what I said." "What does he write about?" "Today he wrote about how he's gay." "He's gay?" "Well, no, but" "So, why did he write about being gay then, if he's not?" "Well, his wife turned him gay." "His wife?" "Yeah, really! You have to read him!" "Have to?" "Haven't we gone this route already?" "Okay, so I have to read him because he's gay, but not really, and it's his wife's fault?" "Exactly. It's great!" "Right. Sounds it. I have to go." "You have to go?" "Yeah."
Somewhere, in an alternate universe, you are God.
No more updates on the illiterate college student?
A soup and bread part... that si sjust the coolest idea... I wonder if I can get my friends to do one with me...
** runs off to send out mass email **
| From: | (Anonymous) |
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| Date: | December 12th, 2005 05:04 pm (UTC) |
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I should of posted this last time, talk like who? day.
![[User Picture]](http://l-userpic.livejournal.com/12950/7817) | | From: | sjwt |
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| Date: | December 12th, 2005 05:05 pm (UTC) |
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| | opps.. | (Link) |
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loging in is good for all.
![[User Picture]](http://l-userpic.livejournal.com/39658058/3824099) | | From: | greybeta |
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| Date: | December 12th, 2005 05:19 pm (UTC) |
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"Sorry, sensei, I had forgotten..."
Talking to a Co-worker About TheFerrett's Latest Post (Vaguely in the style of whats-his-name....)
Soup and bread party?
Yeah, I've been to a few.
Are they fun?
Oh, yeah.
Did you go to one this year?
Nope.
Why?
My ex got all the friends in the divorce.
Wow, that sucks!
Yeah, but I got the car so we're even.
Fantastic!
And the soup party sounds like a blast.
Sounds a lot like the writing for Sports Night dialogue.
If it were Sports Night dialogue, it'd have a lot more remarks prefaced by "Here's the thing..."
Not that the opinion of a random stranger matters, but I highly approve of your choice in excellent television programming that was canceled too soon. ^_^
Apparently, I exist to go off topic in theferrett's livejournal comment area....
![[User Picture]](http://l-userpic.livejournal.com/33504530/1416896) | | From: | wiredaces |
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| Date: | December 12th, 2005 06:24 pm (UTC) |
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| | Speaking Of Everyone Sounding The Same | (Link) |
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I'm holding out for "Talk Like A Character From The Matrix" day. Since I don't read Spiderman.
Character 1: "It's a day designed to do one thing."
Character 2: "Search and destroy."
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GT
Actually, the making-of-part sounds like it would be a real blast...even if it weren't for the hotties. It can be a lot of fun to get together with people you like to work on a project. That way you've got company for the parts that might seem like drudgery the rest of the time, you get to spend time with fun folks, and you get to get good stuff done together. Not to mention the hotties and innuendo as a ton of fun, too...
*applauds heartily*
Oh, my. I need to find some friends who hold bread-and-soup parties.
It took me a second to realize what was going, mostly because I kept wondering
"Who in the HELL is he talking to?"
I think I got about four lines in before I went, "Why is he writing like Michael Brian Bendis?"
And then it hit me.
"It hit you?"
Yes, it hit me. Like a fucking brick.
"Like a brick out of nowhere?"
Absolutely out of nowhere. Like, BAM! And I'm hit.
"You're fucking weird, man."
You're telling me... You're telling me...
![[User Picture]](http://l-userpic.livejournal.com/41405983/6655827) | | From: | ruka_ |
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| Date: | December 12th, 2005 08:04 pm (UTC) |
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I'm not really sure what your talking about. I got confused. ;_;
![[User Picture]](http://l-userpic.livejournal.com/63547817/564175) | | From: | yndy |
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| Date: | December 13th, 2005 12:31 am (UTC) |
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Gini's made me swoon with jealousy - yours made me giggle with envy.
Either way - what a marvelous party idea... your friends Kat and Eric are geniuses.
It's a pity that this is an imitation of someone else's writing, -this is entertaining enough to continue beyond a single day's worth of writing. :)
![[User Picture]](http://l-userpic.livejournal.com/25536737/26904) | | From: | joemorf |
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| Date: | December 13th, 2005 08:42 am (UTC) |
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![[User Picture]](http://l-userpic.livejournal.com/45405899/4328941) | | From: | serfx |
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| Date: | December 13th, 2005 03:33 pm (UTC) |
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this is the funniest thing i have stumbled upon in a couple days...
and really it could have gone on longer!
Ferrett admits being gay.
No shock; not like I didn't always wonder, you know.
Hmm.
Makes me wonder if the Trapper Keeper story's true, though.
Was it Ferrett with the Trapper Keeper, maybe?
We've all heard about gay guys having longer tadgers.
Wait, wait, wait...he's just talking about metrosexuality.
Oh, right; I forgot. Norwalk has a gay quota anyway.
He could still be some kind of Frankenstein, though.
Frankenstein bagged my cousin.
That's not Bendis. That's Pulido.
Fuck. Fuckity fuck fuck fuck.
Well, what if he was gay?
Are you saying the cousin thing makes your brain hurt to the point of...?
Of moving on to the less painful notion of Ferrett being some kind of sexual Super-Skrull, taking on the attributes of any potential assgasp, male or female?
Well, kinda.
That'd make him bi. Real enlightened. Call your pal bi in his own blog.
I've already threatened, accidentally of course, to dismember him.
Yes, but that was in YOUR BLOG. You threaten people all the time; it's how you compensate for your other filings.
Don't you mean failings?
No. You spend more time in Family Court than most sex offenders.
But...
And you make fun of Ferrett? Really.
Did we talk like Bendis?
No, we talked like that dipshit Guthrie when his NyQuil stash runs out.
Yeah, but we still love that fucking rodent, right?
Even if...?
Yep. Even if he's bi.
I want to tell you something.
What?
I love this.
You what?
I want to tell you that I love this.
You love what?
This.
What's "this?"
Today. This day.
Talk Like Bendis Day?
That's the one.
You love this day.
I love this day.
---
To all my comic nerd friends I always do my bendis impersonation. I hold up two hands like puppets. One's Peter, and one's MJ.
Peter: "I'm hungry as a horse?"
MJ: "You're hungry as a horse?"
Peter: "I tell you, I am hungry."
MJ: "As a horse."
Then they laugh.
(Pinky is making elaborate vegitarian pasta dish while his mother watches)
MUM: "It's so nice to see you taking an interesting in cooking decently"
PINKY: "I'm worried about it, myself. It's so...so GAY!"
MUM: "dear, you -are- gay."
PINKY: "I blame you and your cooking."
I honestly fear the day I start keeping my room clean. |
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