I swore nearly five years ago, after being a guest at a series of disastrous conventions, that I'd attend another convention when the Dallas Cowboys win the World Series and not a moment before. Again, it's nothing against you, but I have such an aversion to cons of any sort at this point that I'd rather shove myself feet-first into a tree mulcher than go to another one. You have fun, though.

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That seems a bit unfair, to give conventions the potential for a second chance like that. At least with "when hell freezes over" you won't actually know if it's happened so you won't be obliged to do the undesirable.

Though I suppose at least you'd only have to go to *one* convention if the Cowboys were to win, and then you could make a new even more difficult condition for the next time.

(I feel the same way about cons, but didn't bother codifying a rule. I'm more comfortable with "don't wanna, I hate them" as a reason to stay away.)

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Okay, how about "I'll attend conventions again about the same time Mark A. Altman writes a movie that isn't a steaming pile of shit?" Compared to that, the Cowboys win could happen tomorrow.

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