The Watchtower of Destruction: The Ferrett's Journal - The Weirdest Book I Ever Got
June 2nd, 2005
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The Weirdest Book I Ever Got

Visit Home On The Strange!
Visit Home on the Strange, a Webcomic written by the guy who wrote this entry!
Sadly, it does not involve dinosaurs fighting angels. But we're workin' on t.


One of the best things about working at the Borders Books and Music headquarters was The Free Book Room.

See, as the world's second-largest book retailer, we were swamped in books of all sorts. Sample books from publishers trying to get in the door, example books that current publishers wanted us to buy, and cartons filled with the good books that everybody wanted.

The leftovers went into a large janitorial closet that looked like a mini-library, where we could pick them over to our hearts' content. Every four weeks, the Free Book Room was cleansed, the remnants given to charity, and it immediately filled up again. And there were good books there, too, almost all the B- and C-listers; the buyer might not have wanted that new Joe Lansdale or Spider Robinson book, but I sure did.

The strangest book I ever found, however, was a graphic novel:

A Creationist's View of
DINOSAURS
and the
Theory Of Evolution

It had a big dinosaur skull on the cover, and was drawn and written quite competently. The graphic novel featured the author — a balding, white-haired, mustachioed guy in a turtleneck, if the pictures were to be believed — showing all the evidence of dinosaurs, with scanned-in photos next to huge blurbs like "CARBON DATING IS A HIGHLY FLAWED AND IMPERFECT SCIENCE!"

The thing is, he wasn't anti-dinosaur. He spent a lot of time confirming the existence of dinosaurs, then moved to quotes like "Behold the behemoth which I made with thee…. (Job 40:15) and "He moveth his tail like a cedar…." (Job 40:17). This, in turn, was proof that dinosaurs existed — and furthermore, they breathed smoke and fire, just like God said they did.

Weird. But not over-the-top. He seemed normal until I got to this panel:

What might it look like if the dinosaurs attacked Noah\'s Ark?

Yes, that's correct; he has the theory that dinosaurs, enraged by fallen angels, attacked Noah's Ark as the flood began in a no-holds battle to the finish.

And yet that was not enough. He illustrated it for a possible movie, claiming it would be far more exciting than Jurassic Park.

The evil fallen angels stampede the dinosaurs towards Noah's ark...
God made sure the Ark was protected!
The angel of the Lord stopped and repelled both the evil angels and the dinosaurs!
The flood waters drowned and killed the dinosaurs!
This event is not a fable and not a myth - it is a verifiable scentific fact!

And just because I felt like adding one more scan to show you the gist of this:

Chinese people knew about Noah and the Ark!

Alas, I looked up this book on the Internet and it appears that it is no more, or else I'd provide a link to purchase this wonderment. As it is, all you can do is watch the scans and amaze at the movie this could have been.

Incidentally, it would have been better than Jurassic Park. I woulda paid money for it.

(EDIT: If you'd like to purchase the book, more information on it - and the book's creator - can be found here.)

(857 shouts of denial | Tell me I'm full of it)

Comments
 
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From:stevietee
Date:June 2nd, 2005 02:04 pm (UTC)
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Oh, now that's great.

That's everything Jack Chick *wishes* he could be.
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From:khamura
Date:June 2nd, 2005 05:18 pm (UTC)
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And he even does it all without hatemongering! That is almost atypical. :>
From:copaesthetic
Date:June 2nd, 2005 02:06 pm (UTC)
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That's awesome. The only problem I could see with making it into a movie is how would they explain the existance of black people after the black guy on the Ark didn't make it?
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From:partywhipple
Date:June 2nd, 2005 03:07 pm (UTC)
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LOL I got that.
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From:allah_sulu
Date:June 2nd, 2005 02:07 pm (UTC)
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I recently found (and bought) a book about what to do when the Soviets take over America.
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From:allah_sulu
Date:June 2nd, 2005 02:11 pm (UTC)
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(I need to dig that out)
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From:monenigme
Date:June 2nd, 2005 02:08 pm (UTC)
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Humorous. Yes. Irritating? More. Crazies that make the rest of us creationists look like morons. Yes, there were dinosaurs. Yes, they were destroyed in the flood. A great war where they were used as weapons? OK... that's going a little far even for me. Did he spend a little too much time fantasizing in the Dinotopia world?
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From:cmpriest
Date:June 2nd, 2005 02:11 pm (UTC)
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Well, I'd like to tell you that's weird ... but I was raised Seventh Day Adventist -- and I was told that before the flood the culture was very, very advanced; and dinosaurs were the results of genetic experimentation by these super-sharp antediluvians. Supposedly (church founder and prophet) Ellen G. White said this someplace, but to be fair, I never looked it up.

I was never quite sure how a culture that could manipulate genetics in such a fashion could only scare up a big wood boat when the waters came -- rather than oh, say, a nuclear powered battleship or something.

Anyway.
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From:monenigme
Date:June 2nd, 2005 02:15 pm (UTC)
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LMAO. You do have to wonder how some people adhere to some theories without thought. My friend went to HS where they taught that the sun revolved around the earth and actually had "scientific" proof - I question the validity, but have since never been able to get my hands on a text book.

I suppose that only proves that you truly can prove anything if you really want to.
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From:corwinok
Date:June 2nd, 2005 02:13 pm (UTC)
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Oh, baby! I can absolutely imagine that scene on the big screen in THX sound. I wish someone would make that movie.
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From:britzkrieg
Date:June 2nd, 2005 09:54 pm (UTC)
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I think in the creation museum in Kentucky you can ride in a replica of the ark (probably not to scale). You can hear drowning people screaming and everything.
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From:raylenetaskoski
Date:June 2nd, 2005 02:17 pm (UTC)
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that's an interesting theory. I have my own and I put it in my journal not too long ago.

http://www.livejournal.com/users/raylenetaskoski/321515.html?mode=reply

It's a little less fantastical.

...raylene
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From:andrewducker
Date:June 2nd, 2005 02:25 pm (UTC)
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A little...
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From:pbristow
Date:June 2nd, 2005 02:19 pm (UTC)
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"The Weirdest Book I Ever Got "

You don't get out much, do you? =:o}
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From:eslington
Date:June 2nd, 2005 02:24 pm (UTC)
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If they were angel pirates attacking the ark with cannons and flaming cutlasses, then I might be willing to buy the DVD.
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From:tearsofaclown
Date:June 2nd, 2005 07:08 pm (UTC)
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Me too! Oh, man, I want that now...
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From:andrewducker
Date:June 2nd, 2005 02:25 pm (UTC)
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Amusingly, I can't see those photos as the domain they're based in is banned by my work's filter. What a terrifying place www.theferrett.com must be...
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From:2515049
Date:June 2nd, 2005 09:35 pm (UTC)
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WebSense gives me the reason of "Adult Content"!
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From:donkey_hokey
Date:June 2nd, 2005 02:28 pm (UTC)
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I'm getting flashbacks to Ripley's Believe It or Not strips.
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From:robinskij
Date:June 2nd, 2005 02:32 pm (UTC)
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*sigh*

Once more, people.
Source theory.

It doesn't get any more logical and simple than that.

God wasn't a fruitcake, but an awful lot of his followers are.
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From:lyssrose
Date:June 2nd, 2005 02:49 pm (UTC)
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God wasn't a fruitcake, but an awful lot of his followers are.

I love this line! :)
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From:geekjul
Date:June 2nd, 2005 02:34 pm (UTC)
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... because the Chinese could never have come up with an eight-person boat all on their own?
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From:daenarys
Date:June 2nd, 2005 03:36 pm (UTC)
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...You owe me a new monitor.

*snort*
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From:fecesfaerie
Date:June 2nd, 2005 02:36 pm (UTC)
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I remember going to a Sunday School session way back in Elementary School where the teacher told us dinosaurs were around with the earliest humans and were killed in the flood. It always made me wonder why God would choose to never mention them when their remains were still lying about, but this author at least went to the trouble to snatch a few quotes. Did this author give any thoughts as to why the Dinosaurs were left behind, or should we just assume it was a size issue (though at least a few species would have fit on a boat wouldn't they)?
From:stevietee
Date:June 2nd, 2005 02:46 pm (UTC)
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The dinosaurs were corrupted by the evil, fallen angels.

Duh!
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From:harroldsheep
Date:June 2nd, 2005 02:38 pm (UTC)

fer shure, like totally!

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"...straining to keep their heads above water."

ooooh, i LOVE that line!!!!
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From:daenarys
Date:June 2nd, 2005 03:40 pm (UTC)

Re: fer shure, like totally!

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Yup nothing to do with the drying out and contraction of flesh after death.

S'all about struggling to breathe man.
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From:thehippiechick
Date:June 2nd, 2005 02:44 pm (UTC)
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I agree... it would have been a great movie! I have been researching the creationist theory and what you posted was very similar to what I've learned over the years. If you are interested in finding out more about this theory, feel free to check out drdino.com. =)

♥ ~ J
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From:monenigme
Date:June 2nd, 2005 02:50 pm (UTC)
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Good link!
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From:fieryfae469
Date:June 2nd, 2005 02:56 pm (UTC)
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only way i'd go is if the japanese filmed this one. Just think... it might be greater than GODZILLA!!!! vs MOTHRA!!!!
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From:spryng
Date:June 2nd, 2005 10:11 pm (UTC)
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Godvilla vs Noah. xp
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From:jfargo
Date:June 2nd, 2005 02:58 pm (UTC)
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I especially like how Noah seems to be wearing a suit. That, and how very articulate the Chosen of God is. "Wow."
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From:birdytori
Date:June 5th, 2005 11:55 pm (UTC)
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Hey, considering how the rest of it's written I was half expecting a "good golly gosh, God!"
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From:integreillumine
Date:June 2nd, 2005 03:00 pm (UTC)

The Ecstasy of St. Triceratops

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"necks arched upwards as if in death throes" - that's great!
But how does he know they weren't having orgasm when they died?
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From:peterchayward
Date:June 2nd, 2005 03:14 pm (UTC)

Re: The Ecstasy of St. Triceratops

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Perhaps they were orgasming while drowning, as all dinos secretly had a water fetish.
From:ex_rita
Date:June 2nd, 2005 03:13 pm (UTC)
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You've gotta admit...his version is way cooler than the one we learn in school. If they made this into a movie, evolutionary science would be doomed. A movie about evolution would be like an indie art film - random, long, and boring. Which flick will your kids be begging to see?
From:(Anonymous)
Date:June 4th, 2005 02:00 pm (UTC)
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"A movie about evolution would be like an indie art film - random, long, and boring."

Well, that would back up my theory on the meaning of 2001: A Space Odyssey

:)
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From:striogi
Date:June 2nd, 2005 03:15 pm (UTC)
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BY THE LORDS OF KOBOL!

he's discovered the TRUTH!!
I must convert immediately!!
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From:yukie1013
Date:June 3rd, 2005 01:22 pm (UTC)
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vxcfgft,lyk,dfgmchdkjfhj

aaaagh cola up my nooooose.

...Cylon bastich ;3
From:misterorange2k5
Date:June 2nd, 2005 03:16 pm (UTC)

Hahaha, brilliant!

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Awesome find Ferret, hilarious stuff.
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From:dubbage42
Date:June 2nd, 2005 03:29 pm (UTC)
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This is truly hilarious, but also very frightening.
The subject itself isn't scary, but the fact that there are people who *believe* this shite is.

Gah.

Off to lunch!

Deb
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From:5_rings
Date:June 2nd, 2005 03:32 pm (UTC)

It's missing one thing

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If only God had created the Dinobots to fight off the evil dinosaurs and save Noah's Ark from the evil dinosaurs and Starscream, this would be better than the Spidey-SNL crossover.

Can't go wrong with Transformers and the Almighty.

P.S. I especially love the last panel. Trippiest bad interpretation of Chinese characters since Ezra Pound, and every bit as wrong. The panel is correct that the left-hand side of the character chuan means "vessel," but the right-hand side only provides sound, not meaning.
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From:wave_cannon
Date:June 3rd, 2005 04:13 am (UTC)

Re: It's missing one thing

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Also, the Hanzi that he claims is "eight," is actually the Hanzi for "to divide."
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From:yndy
Date:June 2nd, 2005 03:49 pm (UTC)
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beautiful... I would've gone to see it! :)
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