It is weird. One's a skin color, which is granted by God (or The Powers What Be), and the other is a label granted by humans. We don't want other humans to make the choice for us, oh no. Which is weird.

And you're probably right about the Matthew Shepards... at least initially. We'd see what happened further on down the line. Or not, since it won't happen.

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I kinda wish people did turn blue when they were gay in varying degrees. Then I would be judged on being a sort of skyish blue instead of being this brown color I am.

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But why don't you like yourself the way that you are?

And supposing you met a similarly blue person on the street, what makes you so sure that they'd still be actively gay?

I fail to see what possible benefit bluing could have.

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One reason: at least then, the other brown people wouldn't yell at me for not acting a way they think confers the right of brownness on me.

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Yeah, but since when have you been beholden to how "the other brown people" think you should act?

Why should you be forced to conform to someone else's standard?

It's *your* life, right?

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I'm not beholden to it. I don't, for the most part. But it does not feel good to be pushed away by anyone of your own race when you are a minority, even if it's just a social construct.

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A long time ago, I learned that I don't need everybody to like me, even those of my race. Good people don't let superficialities get in the way of who you really are. If you're good, others will respond to that, not the color of your skin, nor what your sexual preferences might be.

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It's not about everyone liking you. It's not about the good people over the bad. It's about knowing race, how you are entwined in it and having to face it every day because it does not go away. Skin color, especially in America, is not superficial. I can't hide it anywhere but on the Internet, and even then I can't do it for long because it's interweaved in my soul and spirit and affects everything that has happened, can happen, and will happen.

Nine of every ten Caucasians are largely isolated from each other and can make social groups that ignore race, even with their variey in ethnicities. That is the benifit of white priviledge. The black community, especially the Black American one, is unique in its social constructs because it doesn't have that foot in the door. There are parts of it that are painful to remove one's self from. It's not like removing some cancer and waiting for it to remiss. You see it as walking out a house that you don't like. I see it as grabbing at my heart to try and stop the hemorrhaging.

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As a non-white American who's seen and experienced the evolution of race relations over what is likely to be a longer period of time, I'm going to state that race is much less an issue today than it has ever been in the past.

For example, when I go to the South, I no longer have to ask whether I'm White or Colored if I want to use the facilities. That's a *good* thing. If I go back to the Midwest, I no longer have to worry about being lynched for driving a Japanese car. Another *good* thing.

I won't presume to speak for your black community, but I will note that the asian communities each have their own unique constructs of value that are a part of one's life. But I am believe that sometimes it is beholden upon the community to change, rather than the individual. If the community is wrong, it is better to leave in search of one which is right.

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But can you always be sure that you're not being damned by anyone because you bring up your race for whatever reason? I can't. I've had two people on two separate occasions tell me I was being too black and I was offending their sense by complaining that my black family was struggling. They instantly said that I was being racially divisive by saying that my family is black. And one girl I've known since she was 11 and I was 18-19. Apparantly I am supposed to forget that I'm black so that other people don't get offended. I can never be sure if I'll step out of line and piss off someone for the crime of being black.

You cannot walk away from the black community if you are black, no matter what you do or where you go. Being black is always there, even if you remove every part of it from your life. Micheal Jackson hasn't even done it, and the joke even in the black community is that he's the poor black boy that grew up to be the rich white woman.

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I don't think anyone can ever be sure, but online, then I try to hold off on bringing race up unless someone asks. IRL, of course, my family name and appearance are immediate giveaways.

But if people are that insensitive about your family, black or not, that's not good. I hope I'd never do such a thing. Tho I will admit to disliking excessive complaining, preferring problem solving. In any case, people like that, I won't need in my life.

I think what you say is true about always being black is just as true in the asian community. The difference is that many asians have the culture and connections to try and deny their race, only to find out that it really can't be done, so shouldn't be tried. I tried it for a few years, and then I immersed. Now, it's about finding the balance and drawing upon what one needs to succeed in life.

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