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March 18th, 2008

March 18th, 2008
08:41 am [Link]	Sequel Post 2: Electric Sequelening A few weeks ago, I held a very silly poll on sequel names. At the time, I was convinced it was a horse race between "There Will Be Blood 2: Electric Boogaloo" and "There Will Be Blood 2: Bleed Harder." However, the point has been raised that there is a third option: "There Will Be Blood 2: The Bloodening." And it's true that "The X-ening" is also a pretty funny way of sequelizing. In fact, I'd have to give the nod to "Gone With The Wind 2: The Windening," though "Godfather II: Father Harder" and "Godfather II: Electric Boogaloo" are both better. Some stumped for their sequelization choice of "There Will Be Blood 2: This Time It's Personal," but really, that one doesn't hit me where I live. Plus, There Will Be Blood 2 was pretty personal, so making it more personal doesn't really punch my giggle button. Same with "There Will Be Blood 2: The Revenge." I do admit, however, that the still-untested "There Will Be Blood 2: The Search For Curly's Gold" has potential. In a similar vein, I do agree with jadasc that it must be "There Will Be Blood III: Beyond Thunderdome" and "There Will Be Blood IV: The Voyage Home." There can be no other. Interestingly enough, while rooted in classic 50s schlock films, "Son of" and "Return of" just don't cut it these days. (The only serious recent attempt I can think of in that vein was "Son of the Mask," which attempted to be, I think, ironic.) Though of course Planet of the Apes pretty much mocks itself when it comes to sequelitizing-naming (though I will hear NOTHING BAD about Planet of the Apes, you damn monkeys!). Wow, I spend a lot of time thinking about things like this. (19 shouts of denial | tell me I'm full of it)
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09:58 am [Link]	The Sensate Nature I really don't feel like dropping sixty bucks on a sex toy that I wouldn't use all that much, but I do wonder how closely the Fleshlight - essentially, a high-tech vagina replication in a flashlight casing - replicates the experience. I'm fairly sure it's not as close as the manufacturers claim, but the advances in vaginal simulation technology have come a long way in the decades since I last purchased one. (It was this awful, Goodyear tire-rubber thing that vibrated like an angry chihuahua and wasn't at all satisfying. One usage, one garbage canning.) The video - which, if you need me to tell you is NSFW, you are a total idiot - is absolutely hysterical, though. Okay, the women fingering themselves next to the Fleshlight to show how the skin stretches in much the same way is a valid sales tool... But if you ever see me next to a naked woman who looks like these girls and I'm fucking the sex toy that she's clasping to her stomach, please shoot me in the head. (That said, it's probably a lot better than the actual sales tool of a fat guy in a dumpy apartment, dejectedly squishing this thing up and down his half-erect member. No amount of cutting-edge techno music could save that one.) Also, the best part of the Fleshlight site is that you can choose one of several modelled orifices (orifi?) for your pleasure, starting with the obvious vagina, mouth, and anal configurations... And ending with the "Stealth" orifice, a bare coin slot for "someone who is a bit shy about their toys." Okay, dude. If I walk into your room and discover a huge black encased thing with this pink plastic rubbery slot at the end in a flesh tone, I'm not going to think, "Gosh, what is this mysterious device?" and assume it's some sort of shop vac. I'm going to assume that the insides of this tube are roiling with your clotted sperm, drop it, and back away slowly. But I remain curious. I'm also wildly, wildly curious to know what a Realdoll is like when you're actually using it... But Gini, strangely enough, has forbidden me from dropping our tax refund on a $5,000 sex toy. "But it'd stimulate both the economy and me!" I cry, but no. I think it's 'cause she just hates pets. The sad thing is that there's probably a Realdoll rental facility somewhere, but the idea of wearing a condom to have sex with an artificial whore just strikes me as being too ridiculous to bear. (40 shouts of denial | tell me I'm full of it)
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11:55 am [Link]	Rock Band: In Case You Didn't Know.... "The Perfect Drug" is the moral equivalent of "Green Grass and High Tides" if you're a drummer on Rock Band - a song that's such a challenge on Expert that merely passing it is proof that you're intensely badass. The only reason it's not quite as iconic as "Green Grass" is that a) it's on drums, and b) "The Perfect Drug" is a downloadable song, so not everyone has it. But above is a video of a guy scoring a perfect 100% performance on it. Which looks pretty awesome, except... ...He's not playing the Rock Band drum kit. This version is tricked out in some form so it's much more responsive; when I play rolls on my kit, it doesn't do nearly that well. Hell, I've played "Detroit Rock City" for years on real drums, and I assure you can I pull off the rolls before Paul shouts "GET UP!"... But on Rock Band, the kit does not allow me. I don't know what he's done. The bass pedal isn't even close, and the pads have been altered in some way. I'm going to have to investigate this, but it does make the achievement... A little cheapened? Maybe not. It's still impressive, even as I'm pretty sure I could nail almost all of the basic rhythms in it with a little practice - they're not terribly difficult, just a high level of quick handwork and lightly syncopated footpedal. (I've always been a feel drummer. Replicating someone else's fills note-for-note still kills me, leaving me high and dry on the end of "Epic" when the notes I'd choose aren't what's on the official menu. Which, ironically, will make it incredibly tough when I get to Keith Moon, a drummer who went in wildly different directions every performance, but I'll have to emulate this one frozen moment in time.) I dunno. I'll have to see how much one can mod the drum kit to make it work. Then maybe I'll get serious about fake drumming. But my real drumming calls. (46 shouts of denial | tell me I'm full of it)
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01:22 pm [Link]	God. Fucking. Damn. Say what you will about Obama. But the man didn't give a speech today as I understand it - which is, to say, something that could be reduced to a five-second soundbite. He has an essay, rife with complexities and contradictions that make up the problems with race in America, and talking full-on. If I were running for President, this would be the kind of densely-layered text I'd be terrified to put out there, because frankly, any summary is going to leave out parts that are vital to an understanding of the whole. But here it is. One of the finest speeches I've heard while I was alive, and I was alive during the time of Reagan - who I didn't always agree with, but who could put things into words so elegantly that years later people still remember what he said. You may disagree with Obama's approach, but you can't fault the man for bravery in stating what he believes right now. I voted for him. And regardless of what happens from now on, I am proud to have voted for him. So proud I can feel the tears stinging my eyes. (139 shouts of denial | tell me I'm full of it)