The Watchtower of Destruction: The Ferrett's Journal - March 4th, 2008
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08:35 am
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Big Pimpin' Ain't Easy
Two other webcomics opened this week, each with their own unique voices:
![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) shadesong's Shayara.com opened its official doors today. She's been posting snippets of the story for years in her journal, but I've long said that I refuse to read it until it's all chronologically organized in one place. And here it is. She has a massive story to tell, so y'all might wanna start now. (Though it's more of an illustrated prose than a webcomic, but there it is!)
Also, gdwessel has a superhero comic called The Grave. Tragically, it has no site, but the first update is incredibly meaty - it's like half an actual comic, dude. And the premise is intriguing - Oz (the HBO version) meets Marvel. I like.
In other news, based on a series of incredibly amusing replies, I have friended theferret, if only to see how amusing it looks when we get into a comment thread. Even I can't tell the difference. But theferret is a she, and now that she's started making some of her posts public I've dropped on by.
Every new person is more time. Lordy, and I drop by the journals of people I don't have friended to see how they're doing. My network is becoming untenable.
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09:26 am
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How To Play Apples To Apples
It's come to my attention that some folks have played Apples to Apples without knowing how to do it. But there is a ceremony involved in playing Apples to Apples, and the game is made better with the proper rituals. These rituals make for better fun all around.
Step 1: Slow-Roll the Green Card.
Too many people just slap the Green card down and go, "ADVENTUROUS." But no! You must entice the players into giving you their best cards, to whet their appetites to make the best possible match. So rather than just tossing it down onto the table, slowly lower it and repeat the magic words: "Your Green card is: ADVENTUROUS. What is ADVENTUROUS?"
Then wait, austerely, for your due.
 Step 2: Slow-Roll the Red Card.
When you're up and you get your three Red cards, don't just plop them all down onto the table and pick a winner. You need flip them over one at a time, as though you were announcing the Oscar nominees... And then, more importantly, repeat the name of the card and discuss why it does or does not win. Explain your thinking! After all, this is a game about knowing the other people - explain why the card is important to you!
WRONG: "Cuba, Bigfoot, The YMCA. YMCA wins."
RIGHT: "Cuba! Cuba's not really adventurous - they had one big risk back in the 1960s and have played it safe ever since then. And Bigfoot's not adventurous, either - he's only appeared on camera once! He'd have won for RECLUSIVE, sure, but it'd be a tie with Cuba. The YMCA, though? Oh, man, if the Village People are to be believed, it's quite the trip to go into their locker room. YMCA wins."
Step 3: Feel Free To Be Amusingly Arbitrary.
If someone puts down GEORGE W. BUSH for INSANE, it's perfectly acceptable to scoop the rest of the cards aside without even looking at them. Don't do it too often, but when you have a TOTAL WINZZOR, just acknowledge it and move on. Which leads us to our next issue...
Step 4: If You Know Your Trump Card, Announce It
As is well-known for me, WHOOPI GOLDBERG will win anything that is evil or bad. I hate Whoopi. She's not funny, she's not particularly talented, and yet somehow not only did she win an Oscar, but she got onto Star Trek. WHOOPI GOLDBERG has trounced ADOLPH HITLER for EVIL, mainly because - and I quote - "Well, Hitler was only around for about fifteen years."
If you have a bizarre trump card, name it. My daughter Erin has a similar reaction to ROBIN WILLIAMS. Why? I dunno. But let the table in on the fun so they can have the excitement of knowing they have an auto-win IN HAND.
Step 5: Periodically, Match Up The Won Green Cards With Their Owners' Personalities
The house rule is that you are the Green cards you win. So if you've won RISKY and ODOROUS, well, you're very adventurous and very smelly. Which makes for amusing comparisons when you try to reconcile someone's actual attributes and try to figure out how someone can be both OUTGOING and RECLUSIVE. So periodically, take stock of where someone is and note the most amusing combinations.
Also, it's entirely possible to win a game of Apples to Apples when losing with this rule. I myself was once CHARMING, HANDSOME, and WITTY. Who cares if I lost? The winner had all of these bad attributes, whereas I went out a glorious prince.
Step 6: Hygrate.
Our Apples to Apples Hygration Project was a huge success, creating lots of entertainment by guaranteeing that all hands were at least fun, if not winnable. Once you've played the game a few times, trim the excess out of your A2A decks, taking your local metagame into consideration. (As in, if you think I'll ever attend never ever remove WHOOPI GOLDBERG. And if someone's terrified of MOTHS, leave them in!)
Step 7: Kibitz.
Don't just sit there while someone's considering their Red cards! If someone's facing a tough decision, help them out by pimping your favorite Red card - and make sure it's not always yours. (Not only is it unseemly to try too hard to win at a silly game like Apples to Apples, but if you're always shilling for your choice then people start to ignore you.) Laugh at the weird combos, mention the considerations that others might not have thought of... Be a part of the game.
In the end, Apples to Apples is about interaction. Play together. And then it's one of the best games in the world.
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01:13 pm
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I Could Make A Gag Here, But...
...The father of Dungeons and Dragons has apparently passed on. I don't know the veracity of the link, but D&D's brought a lot of joy into my life - starting with Delvin Goodheart, the paladin who defeated Asmodeus and had the Invulnerable Coat of Arnd as well as a ranseur (perfect for disarming swords) and ending with my local Planescape campaign.
I hope it's not true. But I suppose we'll get the announcement on the official site tomorrow.
(There are going to be a lot of hit point/saving through jokes running amuck. I expect many bad webcomics to go the obvious route, and Something Positive to do something foul and unexpected.
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02:02 pm
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The Many Deaths of Gary Gygax
I will now attempt to compile a complete list of all the bad "Gary Gygax,the founder of D&D is dead, so here's a D&D reference" jokes 'pon this very web page. If you see a clever reference somewhere, (or think of a particularly interesting one on your own), leave a comment I'll add it to the list.
So far, Gary:
- ...Has fumbled his critical
- ...Has failed his final saving throw
- ...Rolled a "01" on the ol' twenty-sider
- ...Lost the last initiative roll
- ...Failed his save vs. Death Magic
- ...Had his age modifier to Con get higher than his base stat
- ...Now has to roll on the Outer Planes encounter table
- ...Had no clerics of sufficient level to cast Resurrection (which is good, since Gary would be restored to "full health and vigor" and probably re-drop dead a few days later)
- ...Needs 5,000 gold pieces in diamonds
- ...Needs a new character sheet
- ...Had to roll up a new character
- ...Was finally gotten by the gazebo
- ...Became a lich
- ...Can finally see behind the DM's screen
- ...Failed his fortitude save
- ...Will be critically missed
- ...Wishes he'd rolled up an elf
- ...Pissed off the DM one too many times
- ...Played with the vorpal sword
- ...Run out of hit points
- ...Come to the end of his last module
- ...Ascended to Godhood (though I don't doubt there will be a Gygax temple somewhere in Greyhawk)
- ...Has gone to the great dungeon crawl in the sky
- ...Is choosing between The Seven Heavens, Elysium, The Twin Paradises or the Happy Hunting Grounds
- ...Has met Chuck Norris.
- ...Didn't make it through "Keep on the Borderlands".
- ...Failed his system shock survival roll.
- ...Grafting the Head of Vecna.
- ...Is rolling in his grave.
- ...Is playtesting the Astral Plane for 4th Edition.
- ...Needs a druid to cast reincarnate.
- ...Has reached Epic level and ascended.
- ...Has lost all his dice.
- ...Has levelled up.
- ...Has finally changed game systems.
- ...Is picking the lock on the Pearly Gates.
- ...Has finally changed game systems.
- ...Fell to Tucker's Kobolds.
I know there will be more. I'm just compiling the list, is all.
(Also, if you're arriving here from a tasteless source, please look at my new webcomic, My Name Is Might Have Been, which just went live yesterday! /End plug.)
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