The Watchtower of Destruction: The Ferrett's Journal - February 4th, 2008
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02:50 pm
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I'm Quiet Today
....But I should be.
I mean, if I want actual teeth of my own in the front of my mouth so I can talk without lithping all my wordths, you know how much it's gonna run?
Ten thousand dollars, motherfucker.
Yeah, that's apparently the first quote for bridges in this area. I'm going to shop around, talk to the local dentist's school, maybe see how much it would cost to laminate some Chiclets and Krazy Glue them to the roof of my mouth. But Jesus, that's a little depressing, realizing that the flippers are the economical option by far.
Okay, compared to a car, it's not that bad. And honestly, I'd probably get more usage out of the teeth than a car. But car loans are easy to come by. "You dolt, you didn't floss or see a dentist so you're now a freak-mawed monster, let's fix that" loans are harder to come by, at least at economical rates.
Man. I'm so glad we don't have a universal health care system in this country. Because I know that in that horrible, horrible world, I would have a one-eyed, hook-handed dentist who would use rusty nails on a twirled rubber band for a drill, and he would pull my lips apart with his sore-covered fingers and cackle maniacally as he played a demented version of "Chopsticks" upon the exposed nerve beds of my shattered teeth. And to get that enfeebled treatment, I would have to walk through the moaning, bloodied field of fly-blown patients, each shrieking with agony as they clutched their rotting jaws, waiting for a hundred months in the death-soaked waiting room for the dentist to even look at them as he stepped daintily over their quivering bodies. Clearly, that world is much better than the options I currently have.
Obviously.
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04:02 pm
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A Note As Super Tuesday Approaches
Please, Democrats. Please God.
Do not vote for "who you think can get elected."
You guys have played this mug's game as long as I've been voting, and apparently you think that America's heart is set to adore policy wonks and nebbishes. Look at Kerry. Dukakis. Gore. Mondale. Clinton was the sole exception to the never-ending parade of uncomfortable nerds, and a lot of people were nervous about him because - *gasp!* - he played a saxophone. How unpresidential!
I don't care who you vote for. Me? I'm an Obama man, personally, but there's also a lot to be said for Hillary. But if you're going to vote for someone based on who they can beat, realize that you and your entire party has been chronically, allergically wrong in picking guys who America actually wants. If this is your sole criteria for picking someone, it's time at long last for you to recognize that really, this is not your strength. The fact that it took a horrid war and a botched rescue job and a collapsed economy to get America to stop liking Dubya should tell you that while you may see him as a smirking chimp, the mass of voters actually liked the way he came off.
Vote for your heart. Vote for who you want in office. Which is hard, because frankly there's not as big a difference between Hillary and Obama as they'd like you to believe, but find something.
But voting because someone will beat McCain? God, guys, you're about as accurate as predicting the next candidate as a Oujia board in a hurricane. Cut it out. Just go for who you like the best.
Please.
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