The Watchtower of Destruction: The Ferrett's Journal - January 16th, 2008
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09:46 am
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Delights of Celebrity
I was thinking about having sex with Britney Spears and how awesome it would be, except for the sex part. And maybe even that wouldn't be too bad.
Britney's been a bit of a mess lately - umbrella beatings, stand-offs with the cops, hidden plastic surgeries, horrid dances - and that's been great tabloid fodder. Recently, she's begun fucking dating a paparazzi who'd been following her around, which strikes me as falling in love with a stalker, but never you mind. I'm not here to judge.
Imagine, just for a moment, that Britney seized upon you and found you attractive.
Now, I don't find Britney that cute - never did. But if Britney wanted to have sex with you, that would be like Willy Wonka stepping down from the heavens and saying, "Here's your Golden Ticket, son." Suddenly, you'd get escorted by a very rich woman to literally the hottest clubs in town to meet the biggest celebrities of your choosing. (Well, probably not Jack Nicholson or Meryl Streep.) Sure, you'd have to kiss ass a little, but you wouldn't have to pay for drinks beyond the token effort, and you'd party until dawn in places that hot young things stand in line for hours and never get to.
Then there's the cash. We all know that if you're dating Britney, you can easily make $5,000 a day by leaking information to the press - whether it's true or not - and when you eventually get dumped, you can tell your story in an exclusive Star headline for upwards of a hundred grand. If it goes on for long enough - say, a year - say hello to a juicy book contract, too! (And you wouldn't even have to write it - they'd hire a ghost writer for you!)
Plus, I'm pretty sure the sex would be awesome. Again, not a fan of the old Britster, but even in her slightly-degraded condition she's still in decent shape... And someone that hungry for reassurance of her entire lifestyle and worried about her looks would be a demon in the sack. There are multiple rumors from reliable sources that Britney has a sex room where she dresses in all sorts of outfits and has trays full of sex toys. (Being Britney, I hear tell she leaves it up to the maids to put them away afterwards, who may or may not spritz them with cleaning fluid before packing them into the box, but still.) She'd be eager to show you that she was still the sexiest woman in the world, so she'd probably try harder.
So crazy-ass sex, easy money, and wild nights out. Admittedly, it comes with down sides: the paparazzi stalking you now, and having to listen to a pretty terrible mother bitch about how everyone misunderstands her. Yeah, you'd have to spend a lot of time not just nodding, but actively telling her that everything she's doing is perfectly normal. That could be a pain.
So let's ask the question:
Poll #1122161 Britney: Hit It?
Open to: All, results viewable to: AllGiven these benefits/drawbacks, I would:
Tags: comment whoring
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12:50 pm
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From ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) rollick: Glove Slap, Baby
This is the most bizarre Flash game I've seen in a long time. Very well done. But bizarre.
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10:08 pm
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On Movies
In my mind, there are two types of movies: those with funny outtakes at the end, and those without.
And whenever I get to the end of a movie, I always hope they'll have them. Especially if it's a serious movie like "Atonement" or "No Country For Old Men." And then I especially especially hope that the scoring over the end credits will finish up with a quick polka vamp.
A man can dream.
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