The Watchtower of Destruction: The Ferrett's Journal - May 29th, 2005

May 29th, 2005

May 29th, 2005
11:47 am


Notes After A Date Day

1)  Gini and I went down to Amish country the other day, which is always fun.  We stop by the cheese shop and walk around for half an hour eating samples, then we go to Lehman's, the local Y2K-survival-and-Amish-supplier shop where they sell every single cooking supply that doesn't run on electricity (cast iron has so many uses), and then we drive around looking at Amish carts and stuff. 

Most of the Amish look harried, and I don't blame them; they're just going to the store to buy some eggs, but every car that passes is staring and pointing at them and waving in an effort to get their attention.  I know we're what drives their economy, but they must hate us for continually turning their life into dinner-and-a-show. 

Yet still every time we pass a large group of Amish standing in their front yard, unmolested by tourists, there's an evil part of me that wants to stop and talk to them in the worst tourist voice possible. 

"Um, hi - you're Ay-mish, right?  Do you have some kind of ceremonial dance you do?  'Cause I just got down here, and maybe you could do it for me right now.  You know, they tell me you don't use technology, but I looked up 'Amish' on the Internet and there were like a zillion sites....

"You're not related to the Taliban, are you?  'Cause your slave here (points to their wife, dressed in black) has a real pretty burka.  I hope your family got a lot of goats for you, 'cause you're a total hottie.  You guys love America, right?  Everyone loves America!

"Anyway, I'm gonna take a picture now - it's okay, this does not steal your soul."

2)  Incidentally, I hadn't heard the words "Creme Brulee Martini" before yesterday, but I can assure you that it was pretty tasty, even if it doesn't taste anything like Creme Brulee.  Alas, I was hoping they would encrust the top of the martini with sugar and then blowtorch it, but no such luck. 

3)  I always like the idea of the Brew Pub a lot better than the actual brew pub.  The idea of a place that makes their own beer seems like it would lead to an amazing array of beers, there's always the same five goddamn choices:

  • The Budweiser knockoff;
  • The Pilsner, which is pretty much like the Budweiser without hops;
  • The IPA, which is so loaded to the gills with hops that your tongue curdles;
  • The Irish Red, which is also hopped up to tartness extraordinaire;
  • The Stout, which is the best of the bunch but either ridiculously mild or lung-blackeningly overwhelming

I mean, you have the ability to develop raspberry beers, obscure beers, cool beers, and all you can make is the same shit you can find in bottles at the local supermarket?  Puh-leeze

And for another thing, every Brew Pub I've been to thinks that good beer=megahops.  There are other flavors aside from hops, you know?  And hops tend to overwhelm anything else you put in, making them all taste the same.  Calm the fuck down. 

4)  Why my daughter Amy amuses me:

Ferrett: Telling a good joke is very important.
Amy: Yeah, like 'You suck.'
Ferrett: Telling me that I suck does not qualify as a joke.
Amy: But it's funny 'cause it's true!

5)  We found a comics shop that sold bootleg DVDs and picked up the first season of Spaced, the Britcom upon which Shaun of the Dead was based.  I am happy. (Hey, if you wanted my money, you should have made it available here, you idiots. I'm not going to wait forever, only to discover you didn't think it was worth your time to make the American edition.)

6)  Incidentally, those of you who wished to see the Spider-Man/Saturday Night Live crossover comic but didn't look through the comments can find a scan right here.  I thought that was the weirdest crossover ever, but I found a weirder one

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