CELEBRITY TEA PARTY (courtesy of albadore)
List nine celebrities you would invite to a tea party for their wit and conversation. Don't invite anyone just for eye candy. Musicians, writers, PBS hosts, convicts, politicians, etc. all count (not just actors)...

John Kerry and George Bush - Because I'd like to see how they interact in a social setting, and because I'd really try hard to get them into informal debates that I could then report in detail later on, and make a lot of money. I may have to put them in a separate room, though.

A hot, intelligent porn star - To discuss the biz in-depth with her, and to get the real skinny on what it's like. I'd have to do some research on this one to find out who'd belong. Also, she'd make Bush and Kerry real nervous, especially when I said, "Hey, come on! Just one photo op! Shake hands, she won't grab your crotch at the last minute!"

William H. Macy - Because every party's better with a nervous-looking guy hanging around the room. Also, I hear he's quite cool and down-to-earth, and I'd love to hear his stories.

George Carlin - Because he's one of the funniest men alive, he has strong opinions, and I know there would be a great debate. Also, he'd make Bush and Kerry real nervous.

Cecil Adams - To find out what Unca Cecil looks like, and because he would serve as a useful fact-checker for all of the other discussions in the room.

Roger Ebert - Because I have to discuss movies with someone.

Stephen King - Because I have to discuss writing with someone.

Terry Gilliam - Because I'd really want to ask him a lot of questions about the film business. And how the hell he did all of the SFX in Brazil without digital animation or a much larger budget than I think he had. And what it was like being in Monty Python.

CELEBRITY TEA PARTY II: Time-travel/universal translator edition
List nine deceased famous people you'd invite to a fabulous tea party. Choose them for their wits and conversation, strange behavior, etc., but not their appearance or fame.

Frank Zappa - Because he was so influential upon my life that I'd like to thank him, and I'd love to hear what he has to say about the Bush administration.

Christ - To see whether He shows up at all, or sends a note saying, "Sorry, you should have asked me to the fictional tea party." If he is real, get a translator and ask Him what He thinks about "The Passion of the Christ" and George Bush using his name a lot.

Edgar Allen Poe - I need a brilliant absinthe-drinker to get shitfaced and do weird things.

Jack Benny and George Burns - Because they're notorious for their party acts, and apparently put on a helluva show once they got drunk. We'd have to have babes around, though, for them to chase.

Dorothy Parker - I need a woman to make cutting remarks at the party. I don't think I've ever heard a bon mot in real life, but I know she'd ante up.

Richard Feynman - He was a helluvan interesting guy, had a lot of things to say about science, and a flair for teaching. We'd have to have another couple of babes around for him, too.

Gallus Mag - The streets of New York have always been fascinating - and as a bartender who kept a jar of ears that she had personally bitten off and showed them to everyone who walked in, you know she'd have some stories.

Douglas Adams - The man's a fascinating person. He had a lot of experience. And also, it would be so satisfying to have to hear him recant his atheism.

CELEBRITY TEA PARTY III: Fictional character edition
This time invite nine fictional characters from books, comics, film, etc., to your tea party, but remember--you're inviting them for their conversation, not their looks.

(Note: I know, despite searching through my library, that someone is going to make a comment or re-post this meme in their own journal where I will go "Ooo, I want her there." So this is an open list. Milk and Cheese can definitely get the axe.)

Hap and Leonard (Joe Lansdale series of books) - Because I know they'd hate it, and be uncomfortable, and as such would provide me with a lot of amusing dialogue.

Mike Callahan (Spider Robinson's Callahan series) - If there's going to be an open bar, he's going to be the fucking bartender, all right? And he's going to make it all mystical, and wonderful, and just okay.

Dumbledore (Harry Potter series) - This man would be in charge of planning the party's location and the evening's activities, and I know he'd do it right. Also, he has some fine stories to tell.

Willy Wonka (Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory) - In charge of the evening's refreshments. And he'd also be fascinating to talk to, as much as he would talk....

Luke Skywalker (Star Wars) - C'mon. Teach me, Luke - you know you want to! I can be a Jedi, right? Show me. Lemme try the lightsaber. Aw, c'mon....

Ford Prefect (Hitchhiker's Guide) - He'd hate it, too, but I suspect he'd loosen up after awhile, and get drunk, and let loose with a stream of witty remarks and interesting theories about humanity. And for some reason, I think he, Hap, and Leonard would get along quite well.

Xander Harris (Buffy the Vampire Slayer) - Because he'd be so goddamn grateful. And because I need someone to discuss comics with at one of these parties.

Milk and Cheese (Milk and Cheese) - But I'd invite them late.

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Like the wife said: I know of no better way of spreading the word on this vital topic:

URGENT - Call the HRC Action Line today at 1-800-509-0176
and then forward this e-mail to your friends.

We have set up the HRC Action Line - a toll-free number to allow you to call your member of Congress at this critical time.

What's happening: this week, the United States Senate held their third hearing on efforts to write discrimination against same sex couples into the Constitution. Next week the House will be holding their first in a series of hearings on efforts to change the constitution - and a vote seems likely to happen by the end of the summer in Congress. It's critical that we get as many calls into congressional offices now in order to demonstrate strong opposition to any effort to change the constitution.

Call the HRC Action Line at 1-800-509-0176. You will be prompted to enter your ZIP code.

Keep these talking points in front of you when you make the call. Tell your Member of Congress:

- You oppose the Federal Marriage Amendment, and you urge them to oppose this legislation - and ANY amendment to the Constitution on marriage;

- These amendments would write discrimination into the Constitution - constitutional amendments have historically been about protecting and expanding rights, not about discrimination

The HRC Action Line will only be active from now until Monday - so please call 1-800-509-0176 today!


Forward this message widely!

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