The Watchtower of Destruction: The Ferrett's Journal - Shut Up And Take It, You Wonderful Person You
[Recent Entries][Archive][Friends][User Info]
|
11:13 am
[Link] |
Shut Up And Take It, You Wonderful Person You
So over on Fetlife, there was a fascinating discussion of “forced adoration” that went like this:
“Instead of a bottom being restrained and being humiliated and abused, why not try some forced adoration? Totally different type of experience: being restrained, while friends and members of the community take turns writing kind things, compliments, comments, affirmations, hopes, all over your body.”
A friend of mine, who is notably neurotic about accepting kindness, said “I think this would be a hard limit for me. I feel horrible just thinking about it happening to me.” Many others followed, saying that being forced to endure compliments and kindness would be unthinkable for them.
That made me sad, but it also made me think. How awful is it in our society that so many of feel guilty and sick about hearing the things people love about us? Learning to accept compliments is, I think, vital for happiness and health.
So I’m spontaneously declaring today National Accept-the-Niceness Day. Anyone posting in the comments of this entry may be complimented, for no reason whatsoever, by anyone who knows good things about them. Anyone posting in the comments of this entry are encouraged to say something wonderful about someone else, in the hopes that the subject of their niceness will see this.
And anyone complimented in these threads cannot deny the compliment. Today, here, you must own the fact that you have made someone happy enough that they feel the urge to gush about you. This is not them doing it out of obligation, for who the hell needs to post in a thread on some dude’s blog? This is not them being lured into an illusion of your wonderfulness – if you’re reading it, drop your impostor syndrome for a moment. Open yourself to the idea that what they’re happy about is actually real.
Anyone reading this is welcome to steal the idea for their own. And then post a variation on their blog.
Cross-posted from Ferrett's Real Blog.
This entry has also been posted at http://theferrett.dreamwidth.org/224127.html. You can comment here, or comment there; makes no never-mind by me.
|
|
| | theferrett is an excellent writer and an inspiration for hundreds of people. Keep it up you oddly beautiful man, you. ![[User Picture]](http://l-userpic.livejournal.com/99678820/208448) | | From: |  aiela |
|---|
| Date: | July 2nd, 2012 03:23 pm (UTC) |
|---|
| | | (Link) |
|
Ferrett, you are sexy and beautiful but I fell in love with your words first, because you are a hell of a writer. And you make me giggle wildly on a regular basis. I absolutely adore your enthusiasm for wild chases deep into fandom. Even though I barely use LJ anymore, I check your blog at least once a week to see what you have to say on certain topics. When news comes out, whether nerdy or political or social -- I check to see what you have to say about it, because you're intelligent, you're great at communicating both your beliefs and your doubts, and make the information that you work with accessible.
I am honored not just to read what have to say, but also to know that you know who I am -- when I comment or email, you reply. You care about people, and I'm blessed to consider you a friend. Reading your thoughts on the dancing life is always a wonderful window into how you view thing. It's fascinating, and well done. Ferrett, you are an incredibly talented and evocative writer and blogger (I count them independent, though related, talents), a good husband (I can only judge through hearsay), and a never ending font of fantastic advice on life and relationships. I have used you as a personal 'Dear Abby' on multiple times to nearly universal success*. Your struggles with your creative endeavours and your blunt honesty about them have helped me in my own similar struggles. I am a better man for having followed your blog for the past near decade, and if you didn't save my marriage (you might have), you at least taught me to smooth over a fairly rough patch.
Thank you. Keep being awesome.
* there is one time that I took your negotiating advice, and it kind of screwed me. I still think it was good advice, but since it went badly you get to share some of the burden with me and another friend whose advice I also followed. | | From: | theferrett |
|---|
| Date: | July 2nd, 2012 04:23 pm (UTC) |
|---|
| | Re: Your turn | (Link) |
|
To this day, I am still proud of you for how well you did in the Search. Makes me happy very time I see your name. I used to be much worse at taking compliments - I would explain it away somehow just so I wouldn't have to take the credit for whatever anyone was saying about me. I've gotten much better at saying a simple thank you and moving on...but I think the sort of thing that was proposed on Fetlife would make me uncomfortable too. At the very least, it would be very foreign to me and I'm not sure whether I could do it. It's also scary in that I-would-love-that-but-what-if-no-one-wrote-anything sort of way.
Anyway, going through old posts last week, I noticed that we only met about a year ago. Funny how it seems like longer though - I love how open you are about your life and your past. It's inspiring.
You are both incredibly sexy and warmly fun to talk to. This is a rare combination, and I'm glad I'm getting to know you better every day. ![[User Picture]](http://l-userpic.livejournal.com/42836245/718695) | | From: | bec76 |
|---|
| Date: | July 2nd, 2012 03:57 pm (UTC) |
|---|
| | | (Link) |
|
Ferrett, you are a brilliant, insightful, and funny, with a thoroughly unique voice and viewpoint in your writings. Your words are magic, and often inspire deep contemplation within the hearts and minds of your numerous readers. You're stunningly handsome and incredibly sexy, but I fell in love with your brain as much as with your corporeal self. You make me so superhappydancingpants! You are awesome sexy, kiss like an angel gone to the devil, and dance beautifully. Oh, man, I could write wonderful things about people for hours. If I didn't say anything nice about you here, that doesn't mean there's nothing nice to say. I'm pretty much going with what's on my mind.
Ferrett, you are kind. I value that immensely. Also, I really admire how much of yourself you put out there, your honesty, sometimes ruthless honesty, about yourself and your writings and your relationships. That's not easy, and I should know.
Onceupon, you are too fabulous for words, and I wish I had the patience to cultivate an image as awesome as yours. Also, I feel really stupid saying something as cheesy as "you are an inspiration," but I want you to know that I wouldn't be where I am re: not hating myself completely if it weren't for you. So, more like a guide. I am grateful. I looked at myself in the mirror yesterday and was, briefly, like "That is pretty awesome, that naked chick right there." And that would not have happened a year ago, or two years ago. That would have been unthinkable. So in a way, you've let me have myself back. Which kicks ass.
Snowcoma, hugging you for that last time as you left on the bus trip home, and hearing your heart beat through you chest (because you are so much taller than me, yo) is one of those moments that still bring tears to my eyes. You are loved, coyote queen, wolfgirl, bipolar bear.
Lady_Fox, thank you for being a tireless supporter of us in our crazy-stupid endeavor. I think you do not know how awesome you are, but I have hopes that you will discover it as you push at the limits of what and where you are.
Catherynne Valente, you are a person of grace and graciousness, story and strangeness, and your worlds are . . . like that magic when you are a kid, and looking at something that fires your imagination. When you look back at it, it may not be as pretty or as amazing as you remember, but there was this great magic there, and you will always feel an echo of it. You are that magic, only your magic does not fade. That magic is the roving you use to spin the yarn of which your stories are knit. So there.
S. J. Tucker, I do not know you at all, but (somewhat related to the above, because Palimpsest) the song "Girl with the Lion's Tail" is one of those songs that reminds me why I fight the things that would hold me down. You have taught me SO MUCH. I read your essays (and the more personal stuff) and often am utterly blown away by the insightful, eloquent way that you talk about stuff that has me flailing and making incoherent noises of frustration. You're AWESOME, and I am in awe.
Also? "Hour of the Gryphon" made me incredibly happy in SO MANY ways. ;) Seanan, thank you. There are times when the smallest thing means everything, and you gave me one of those recently. Your talent and productivity amaze me, and your love for dolls and ponies delights me, and you have this amazing ability to use art to cut through fear and pain, right down to the beautiful bones of what it is to be human -- bones are the core of our strength (but, then, I would say that) -- even when you are writing about non-human entities. Wicked Girls is a song that I hold in my teeth at the worst of times. The True Story Here is something I hold much closer.
Spain the Cat: You make me laugh and feel warm and fuzzy. Please tell your people that I love them and am proud of them, and would like to see another picture of the ham-floor if it is still there, mostly just because it makes me laugh so goddamned hard. Cherie, you kick ass, and I am really gratified to see that you are helping to turn my beloved steampunk from a baby genre more aesthetic than philosophical into something distinct all on its own.
Eilis, I have never known anyone like you, ever. I am lucky to have you as a friend, and lucky to be friends with your imaginary people. You are delightful and beautiful and playful, you are funny, you love the things I love in the most surprising ways that sometimes nobody else really gets, and all the ways that you and I are alike are very reassuring to me, because you are a good person, and therefore I can't be THAT bad. I wag my tail at you, ma'am, and would gladly bite anyone who steals your flowers.
Bat_Cheva, I had forgotten what family felt like. Thank you for reminding me. I will never be the friend that you deserve, and the fact that you would say "Fuck you, you are the friend I want!" to that makes me so damn happy. Your strength and stubbornness are amazing, and I feel safe with you because of them. And you were totally right about Tom Hiddleston. Though I still kinda blame you for that thing with the horse.
There are so many more, it's hopeless! Andy (andrewducker): You have been a real friend for more than 20 years, compassionate and honest. Also without you I would have not kept in touch with nearly so many people.
Ferrett: You are my fantasy Agony Uncle (despite that I only know you through your blog)
On the forced adoration thing: It seems a little public for a type of bondage play. I find the amount of consent required in such a situation to be given to so many people is what makes me uncomfortable. Especially since, with the writing on the body, it's essentially sexual consent for a lot of people you're not necessarily intimate with.
But I don't find the accepting in general of compliments that hard; I usually just respond in kind. But maybe I'm just vain. Can I post about a collective? Because my Alphans. Oh, my Alphans. They are blisteringly clever, hilarious, wonderful people to be around, and I get ten to fifteen more of them every year. I just posted a compliment to Zoethe, then realized that she hadn't posted here and therefore I might be overstepping her limits. I have therefore removed my earlier statement, but reserve the right to re-post it if she appears.
-Alex
Edited at 2012-07-02 04:56 pm (UTC) Ferret, you're a great guy, and someone I look up to as a role model. -The duckman Sauerkraut Station made me tear up in the best way. I second the Agony Uncle comment that channelpenguin made. Gini's baking skills make me utterly envious! And have spurred me to try a few different types of bread to boot. When I can barely manage to look at a kitchen without saying 'fuck it, let's go out to eat', that's a big deal. Also: I have been reading you for nearly a decade. So clearly you're doing something I find awesome. I think I heard Lee Harrington talking about a scene once where he had to receive puja ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Puja_%28Hinduism%29" )and spoke of the same intensity. It is so hard for us to accept that we could just be loved for who we are. theferrett, your strength of will is simply amazing to me, in the face of all your fears. You strive and you help others be the best person that they can be--and genuinely love them for it. It is part of what makes you such a wonderful person. Also? You have great hands. :) Awesome strong hands that were made for being on a person's shoulders. :) zoethe You have a comfort in your skin and sense of place that I really admire and think is wonderful. You give fantastic advice and you look at things without fear and address them with compassion. You glow. (No, really! Remember? ;)) You and your laughter are beautiful. Edited at 2012-07-02 05:03 pm (UTC)I have made a habit of trying to tell people to their faces when they helped/made me happy/are brilliant and awesome. But still, sometimes it's nice to come across things and not have the pressure of interacting. Thus! This is an awesome idea and I am 100% in favor. The only sad thing is that today is a bad brain day and my eloquence is thus reduced to "you're awesome!" a lot. *sigh* STILL! My "you are awesome" list and why:
Ferrett-- you have been an unending source of support and encouragement, and for that I am eternally grateful. Your ego boosts help, too. :)
Cislyn-- your kindness and generosity while I visited have already gotten me through a couple of rough patches. I can't wait to see you again! You are beautiful and I'm giddy that you're mine.
Chiara607-- SOON. And I can't wait. I'm absolutely amazed by your intelligence and your determination, and you are a source of inspiration. You can do it!
There are others, but I'll have to come back to it. :) If you are reading this, I hope you have a fantastic day. you make me smile when i read your words. and i'm sorry you're having a bad brain day too and therefore *hugs* because i understand.
inner beauty of the soul shines through, and yours glows VERY brightly. I have been known to be a *wee* bit smug about how well I know myself. However, let someone give me a compliment and I either become a blithering fool or dismiss it by saying, "no, that wasn't anything special".
Yeah, maybe I don't know myself all that well. I can empathize with that. I had a log distance sub once upon a time who was so good at avoiding complements that I told her all she was allowed to do when someone said something complementary was to say, "Thank you."
She did it and reported that her friends noticed immediately. I got several e-mail congratulations. ![[User Picture]](http://l-userpic.livejournal.com/118664398/117261) | | From: | lots42 |
|---|
| Date: | July 2nd, 2012 06:16 pm (UTC) |
|---|
| | | (Link) |
|
Thetaet is awesome. A fine idea. I value your opinion because it's well thought out and multifaceted. You're not afraid o change your mind if you get new information. Also your relationship is a lot like mine, and so often your problems help me solve mine, which is nice. *hugs* you.
:) I appreciate your insights and how you make me laugh.
:) Laura I have yet to read something you write that I did not enjoy reading, even if I didn't agree.
Yes, even the porn, although that's more like morbid fascination or something. :D I really like your writing. That is a big compliment; I am very picky about writing. I am going to steal this idea for my blog, now. Thank you! The ferret is someone who lives tolerance. Ferrett:
On brains alone you are one of the sexiest, most fascinating people I've had the pleasure to meet.
Gini: Wow. Just wow. Your honesty about your struggles inspires the hell out of me. |
|
