The Watchtower of Destruction: The Ferrett's Journal - I’m Depressed. Here’s What You Should Do To Comfort Me.

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June 6th, 2012
09:25 am

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I’m Depressed. Here’s What You Should Do To Comfort Me.

It’s the peak of my Seasonal Affective Disorder, which meant that I spent Saturday night crying hysterically in Gini’s arms, listing all the reasons I didn’t deserve to live, using all my willpower not to go for the knives and cut myself as deep as I could.

It’s not a fun time.

Earlier this week, I posted an entry on FetLife about how hard it was for me to reach out during this period. I got fourteen comments, seven emails, and infinite text messages telling me how much people liked me. That was nice.

All I kept thinking about was the poor bastards who don’t write well, though.

I’m a depressive who chronicles his journey, in part to let other depressives know that they’re not alone. That some days, the black fog settles in and it’s all you can do to stay alive. And as a result, I’ve garnered a relatively large audience who will converge to tell me how wonderful I am whenever I forget.

Then there are those who are genuinely forgotten.

There are people far worse off than I am who post about this sucking void that’s devouring all their happiness, and get no comments at all. They’re struggling, drowning alone in an ocean of sorrow… and on those rare occasions they dare to post, they hear nothing but emptiness. Their bravery in continuing shames mine.

So yes. I’m down right now, and hating myself. If you want to make me feel better, then find someone you haven’t contacted in a while and tell them you love them. Not your girlfriend/boyfriend, not that person you had coffee with yesterday, but that distant friend who you’ve been meaning to call but life has gotten in the way.

They may be lonely. They may need the love a lot more than I do. Reaching out now may be giving them a hand that will get them through a terrible time.

Text, call, email, whatever. But get in touch. Let them know you’re thinking of them, because this depression is bad enough. Loneliness makes it even worse. Surprise someone with a kind thought, because you never know how much they might need it right now.

Cross-posted from Ferrett's Real Blog.

This entry has also been posted at http://theferrett.dreamwidth.org/217498.html. You can comment here, or comment there; makes no never-mind by me.

(21 shouts of denial | Tell me I'm full of it)

Comments
 
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From:daphne24
Date:June 6th, 2012 01:53 pm (UTC)
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Excellent point - I have an ex who I am still friendly with who also suffers severe bouts of depression. Need to talk to her soon...

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From:p_m_cryan
Date:June 6th, 2012 01:57 pm (UTC)
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Will do.
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From:bart_calendar
Date:June 6th, 2012 02:55 pm (UTC)
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You've forgotten about people like radiumhead who posts constantly that he's depressed and then just says insane things in response when people suggest stuff that might help.

He does it in an amusing way, so he'll keep getting comments, but it is its own genre of posting about depression.
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From:fatbunnyghost
Date:June 6th, 2012 11:26 pm (UTC)
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Maybe you don't understand depression. When you are depressed, you are not looking for "Solutions". It's not like "Hey my car won't start, what should I do?" and you talk about checking the starter, the fuel line, and how to do it. This is a car that has a frozen engine and he knows the engine is frozen and he complains that the engine is frozen. He doesn't want a diagnostic on how to test the starter! He wants compassion and a friendly word.
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From:radiumhead
Date:June 7th, 2012 01:14 am (UTC)
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I've said plenty of insane things, im sure, but not on that topic. Unless you think my not taking people's advice is insane. It might be stubborn, but not insane.
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From:xjenavivex
Date:June 6th, 2012 04:23 pm (UTC)
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as you wish

black fog

I have a friend that calls it his black dog. I call it my dark water. It always feels like it is coming in at my feet and filling up my space.
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From:brujah
Date:June 6th, 2012 04:32 pm (UTC)
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I took your advice and sent a text message to your wife because she's amazing.
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From:lysystratae
Date:June 6th, 2012 05:02 pm (UTC)
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Thanks for the reminder
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From:acrylic_after
Date:June 6th, 2012 05:18 pm (UTC)
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<3
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From:beetiger
Date:June 6th, 2012 05:28 pm (UTC)
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Thank you, from someone else who is struggling out here.
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From:tormentedartist
Date:June 6th, 2012 05:59 pm (UTC)
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Will do! THis is such a good idea.
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From:wished4this
Date:June 6th, 2012 06:07 pm (UTC)
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Thanks. This gave me the oomf I needed to message a long lost best friend and let her know I still think about her.
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From:snippy
Date:June 6th, 2012 06:07 pm (UTC)
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I don't recommend stalking, myself.

And I don't have the spoons to take that on. I can offer limited support to someone like you, or my son, or my husband, but I just can't handle reaching out to somebody that I need to first, apologize to for the long absence, and second, be vulnerable to without assurances that they won't damage me.
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From:sacramentalist
Date:June 6th, 2012 07:27 pm (UTC)
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Hey. My estranged RL friend contacted me today. I am now suspecting she's in your FL.

Hi Gwen!
From:27bunnies
Date:June 6th, 2012 08:16 pm (UTC)
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You're a kind person. I wish I knew you. Signed, that person with the depressed husband who can't seem to get a publication. Hope I did not make you feel worse about yourself.
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From:gypsy_kitty
Date:June 6th, 2012 11:09 pm (UTC)
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I go through bouts of depression fairly regularly these days .. which is new for me, and I'm still adjusting ... I keep getting the feeling that I'm not allowed to be anything BUT happy, upbeat, personable, etc etc ... and the times when I can't ... it feels like I'm a social pariah .. during those times .. just one person reaching out to say hello - thinking about you - can be the difference between wondering if anyone would miss me if I drove into a bridge embankment at 80mph .. and snapping me back into a more reasonable mindset .. it's crazy. But even one person saying hello, hey - thinking of you, can make a world of difference.
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From:shipofools999
Date:June 7th, 2012 02:18 am (UTC)
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It is an impressive depressive who can be shamed about how others are better at being a depressive. ;)

This is a good message.

I have stopped reaching out during my depressive cycles. I believe that people have gotten tired of hearing about it and it not getting better (the current one is long running). Also they just don't know what to say. Also I find that sometimes people bug me when I am depressed. It feels like when they reach out to me they want something from me that I just don't have the energy to give. I am aware that I am hoisted on my own petard.
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From:perseph12
Date:June 7th, 2012 09:46 am (UTC)
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Hey! I haven't spoken to you enough. There are valid reasons, but it still sucks. I love you...You deserve all the accolades I can muster. Missing you more than ever.
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From:mizdarkgirl
Date:June 8th, 2012 02:21 am (UTC)

I am sure you have seen these before...

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but just in case you haven't seen one of them.

1. Keep out of the heat in an air-conditioned room
2. Go outside only in the evening or early morning
3. Keep an ice pack or cold clothe around the back of your neck
4. Wear dark sunglasses
5. Sleep with ice-cold water bottles.
6. Frequent cold showers. Your skin has far more cold receptors than it does heat receptors. So when doused with cold water, your brain receives a surge of impulses so strong, that many scientists liken it to old-school electroshock therapy. This, in turn, triggers a release of mood-lifting endorphins, including noradrenaline, a neurotransmitter considered crucial for battling depression
From:fwd_slash
Date:June 8th, 2012 05:35 pm (UTC)

Well...

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Hey Ferrett,

I love you. We've never met, and most probably never will meet, but I do. I've been reading you for, I-don't-know, 10 years now. The sole reason I log in to LiveJournal is to read you.

Don't worry, this isn't a weird stalker or anything, but I just wanted to say how much I appreciate reading what you have to write. I often tell me wife about interesting things you've said (I always call you "You-know-that-guy-who's-blog-I-read") or perspectives you've had. I don't always agree with you, but I always find the things you've said interesting, insightful, or funny.

Thanks for being out there.
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From:galebird
Date:July 16th, 2012 01:53 am (UTC)
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I found your LJ randomly and when I saw this post it struck a chord. Last year, when I was in the horrifying throes of then undiagnosed PTSD, it was a beloved old friend calling me and reminding me they cared that helped to save my life. People underestimate the power of simple human kindness as the gift it is.
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