The Watchtower of Destruction: The Ferrett's Journal - Entertain Me On My Way To The Nebulas!
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Entertain Me On My Way To The Nebulas!
So I’ll be leaving for the Nebulas today, and as such will be driving for eight hours in what is sure to be a cataclysmally boring car ride. So I’ll comment-whore and ask y’all some questions to stir discussion:
This first one’s courtesy of fellow nominee Rachel Swirsky, who asked:
What illegal thing would you do if you could get away with it? (No violent crimes, please. That’s icky.)
I like that one, because it encourages you to both get creative, and the “no violence” means that no idiot is caught making threats on the Internet. Though I suspect the answers will be a depressing “I KIN SMOKES DRUGS.” Which, you know, granted, but not exactly with the fun-making discussionwise.
Likewise, this second one’s courtesy of fellow nominee me, who asks:
If you could demand I do any one thing for myself, what would you have me do?
The reason I say “for myself” is otherwise I’ll be spammed with a zillion “You should totally read my book/plug my CD/dance for my amusement!” comments, which aren’t nearly as interesting as you think. But I’d be curious to see what, given the knowledge you have of me through my writings, what sorts of things you think I should do to make my life better. Or worse.
Cross-posted from Ferrett's Real Blog.
This entry has also been posted at http://theferrett.dreamwidth.org/212569.html. You can comment here, or comment there; makes no never-mind by me.
Tags: comment whoring
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| | 1. Plant phony evidence of a large scale cocaine distribution and male escort ring being operated out of the Westboro Baptist Church (convincing enough to get them arrested) and then phone in an anonymous tip.
2. With the permission of your wife/girlfriends just once hire a very high end escort so that your interior monologue about what being with a sex worker is like isn't tainted anymore by that one awful experience years ago.
Edited at 2012-05-17 12:20 pm (UTC) 1) I'd say "write fanfiction", except a) I already do that (well, I draw it), and b) I believe fanfiction is and of a right ought to be fair use. The only other thing I can think of, though it doesn't apply to me any more, is for both divorced parents to claim children as tax deductions on their returns. 2) I'd have you like yourself better (without having to take meds for it). If that's a little nebulous, well, isn't that the theme of the trip? ![[User Picture]](http://l-userpic.livejournal.com/99678820/208448) | | From: |  aiela |
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| Date: | May 17th, 2012 01:43 pm (UTC) |
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My ex and I trade off years, but it's still not ideal, especially since she only spends 5 days a month there and I don't think there should be years I can't claim her at all. We should each get a half credit every year, or something. Having my taxes be drastically different every other year has sucked.
Well, until she graduates. I think once she's in college I'll get to claim her every year because we're not under our divorce contract anymore (it doesn't cover anything post-high school.) I would arrange for the balances all of the mortgages and credit cards and student loans and car loans of me and all my friends and family (heck, everyone I've ever met and their friends and family too) be paid through wire transfer from the personal bank accounts of the most highly paid bank executives in the world.
With their permission, I'd dose various people with LSD and/or MDMA and guide them through their experiences so as to create positive associations, therapy-away some trauma, and generally set an outlook-reset button. I'd charge money for it, possibly. It'd be a job. Because after talking to enough ravers and partiers and people -- sure, even people who've taken those drugs have hang-ups... but they're surprisingly different hang-ups than many people, and the usual hang-ups could do with some getting rid of. I like bart_calendar's answer about what you should do. Or, you could be one of my hallucinogen-therapy customers. ;) At some point, I'm going to try Ecstasy. That seems to silly not to try. I like the sounds of traffic. When I grew up, it was off a main road and I find it relaxing. What I would do is campout, in a tent, for a few hours, either during the day or at night, on the side of the road, in one of those nature spots. There are some wooded and grassy areas near the throughfare that are government property and should not be trespassed on. It might be nice to stay there for a night, and watch the traffic go by.
Have you ask your significant others to write you, once a day for a month, something they like about you, in a reasonable amount of detail. Not something you do for them, but something innate to you. Next time you are depressed, you can read them to feel better. | | From: | aiela |
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| Date: | May 17th, 2012 01:44 pm (UTC) |
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I like your second suggestion. Illegal thing: The three main illegal things that I think should be legal involve prostitution (not interested), drugs (not interesting) or downloads.
So for the sake of argument I'm going to suggest that I would, should I be able to get away with it, download TV the day it comes out in the USA and watch it then, with all the ads snipped out, rather than waiting months for it to appear on UK screens.
Of course, what with it being illegal, I wouldn't dream of doing such a thing otherwise.
For yourself: Tai Chi. It did wonders for my awareness and sense of balance. Take a beginners course, make it through three months, and let me know what you think! ![[User Picture]](http://l-userpic.livejournal.com/120444142/492442) | | From: | tylik |
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| Date: | May 17th, 2012 02:38 pm (UTC) |
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Pointing out that I teach taiji (t'ai chi - but I prefer the pinyin for reasons that probably only matter to linguists) and I'm kind of local. Y'know, if you were interested. A beginner's series is starting up next month. | | From: | aiela |
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| Date: | May 17th, 2012 01:48 pm (UTC) |
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I think this needs to go.I realize this is to protect spouses from being cheated on, but a felony? Really? As for #2 - in addition to seferin's suggestion, I would say that every time you are feeling good about something you've accomplished or whatever, you write it down somewhere so they can accumulate, and you can read them when you're feeling icky. You may not believe them then, but it's at least some form of reinforcement. ![[User Picture]](http://l-userpic.livejournal.com/116243443/21331) | | | Does legality affect your actions? | (Link) |
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| | From: | tylik |
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| Date: | May 17th, 2012 02:47 pm (UTC) |
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I would host a Tor server from my home. (All the more amusing because I live in a Zendo.) Oh, wait - that's not illegal, but you'll almost certainly get raided and have your equipment seized anyway. I would carry quarts of maple syrup and my sword bag (complete with swords) on the plane. I wouldn't *do* anything untowards with any of them, but oh it would make my life easier to be able to do that. I would refuse to give TSA (or other governmental agency) the password to decrypt my hard drive when requested. Actually, it's fairly likely I will do that if it is requested. (Because all my videos of slugs feeding? Are private! And a threat to national security! Ahem.) For you? I think you should join a CSA. Sadly, my CSA, Geauga Family Farms just finished up with registration, though maybe you could sweet talk them into it? http://www.geaugafamilyfarms.org/ Santa sacks of fresh organic produce for everyone! Or fly a kite! Kites are fun. We were a member of a CSA for a while. We were notably awful at it. :) 1. Rent a sports car and go, like, 200km/hr on a long stretch of straight highway.
2. Take vacations to nature-full areas during the periods you know your SAD peaks. ![[User Picture]](http://l-userpic.livejournal.com/109082541/810751) | | From: | jfargo |
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| Date: | May 18th, 2012 12:37 am (UTC) |
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I've done #1 in a Shelby Cobra that belonged to a dear friend of mine which I miss very much. (The grammar is correct there - I didn't say "whom" I miss the car.) ![[User Picture]](http://l-userpic.livejournal.com/74742996/352940) | | From: | brujah |
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| Date: | May 17th, 2012 04:06 pm (UTC) |
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What illegal thing would you do if you could get away with it? (No violent crimes, please. That’s icky.)
With absolutely no hesitation, rob a large bank vault of all cash therein.
If you could demand I do any one thing for myself, what would you have me do?
Treat yourself to a hot-rock massage, facial, and a swanky salon shampoo and cut. You should feel fabulous all over when you are rocking your Pretty Pretty Purple Princess Nails. Well, #2 is definitely closer all the time. I had my first pedicure! And it was awesome! 1) boo, I have a few creative ideas for exs...
Barring that though, I'd say something similiar to others, where I take the money from all the Wallstreet, bank, and other corrupt individuals and distribute it fairly to those in need, or those screwed over by those individuals
2) Succulent Wild Woman, by Sark. Even though its geared towards women, I found it to be a very positive force in helping me crawl out of my depression and I think you might enjoy her creative approach to writing. I'm not sure how violent this is, but I really wish I could legally slap stupid people. Or discriminate against racists/homophobes and the like. What illegal thing would you do if you could get away with it?
Charles and David Koch. Several million dollars. Exactly how much, I don't know - I can place $22 million easily, just between friends and family, by handing out $2 million per person. Then there's people I've met once or twice who I'd happily hand $2 million each. That would take longer to figure out, but I could pull together a list that would cover $40 million with a few days of looking through my LJ and Facebook friends. I'd start by looking at the ones with children.
And of course I get $2 million for myself. $40 million's pocket change to those guys. Think bigger. Steal enough money so I didnt have to worry about paying my rent and electricity no more. Right. You're on my list of Illegal Thing Beneficiaries, then. "If you could demand I do any one thing for myself, what would you have me do?"
Shave your head. It will improve your life in ways you can't even imagine. I've been considering it, actually. What illegal thing would you do if you could get away with it?
Live in an adult-only area. Or, actually, make the area I currently live in adult-only (I hate moving).
If you could demand I do any one thing for myself, what would you have me do?
Focus more on your fortune, and less on your misfortune.
-Alex
As I've said elsewhere, if you think I'm not being more positive than my default, you should see me when I'm not trying. :) Robin Hood. Make a list of the most thieving, rotten, worthless, scumsucking filthbag VERY RICH banking assholes who are driving this country into the shitter and rob the ever-loving fuck out of them, leaving them enough to live on if they quit living like fucking assholes. I'd redistribute their wealth. I'd make sure that I had enough money to set myself up for life, then do the same for my friends, and I'd send my niece to art school when/if she wants to go, then give money to poor people who can't make mortgage payments and people who need legal representation to fight oppressive laws and students who need to pay off their loans and people who need to pay for medical care. I'd run around all willy-nilly throwing money at our local women's health and family planning clinics, funding libraries and public school art programs in poor areas of town, paying for special ed and gifted programs, pets for inmates programs, service animal programs, and starting a no-kill kitty shelter with enough funding for thirty years. I could go on. Oh, how I could go on. Those guys have a lot of money. | | From: | aiela |
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| Date: | May 17th, 2012 06:35 pm (UTC) |
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I want to live in that world! That sound _awesome_. 1) Break into a museum and touch all the stuff you're supposed to touch. Like when you see a Roman statue and it's all smooth and cool looking, and you kind of want to climb on it and touch its giant stern Roman face? That. I could see if the pairings smelled painty and try on all the armor and pet the stuffed elephants.
2) Make yourself a 'get out of jail free' card for the next time you are mad with yourself. You get to tear up the card and stop being mad with yourself. That or out some Cadbury dairy milk between two slices of cheap white bread and microwave it for about ten seconds. It amounts to the same thing. Oooh, I like both of these. 1. Drive fast.
2. Go to a great pizza place and have a slice and an ice cold root beer in a frosty mug. | | From: | jfargo |
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| Date: | May 18th, 2012 12:39 am (UTC) |
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1. I would rig the lottery so that it gets back up to about 300 million USD and I would be the only winner. I would be rather selfless with this money.
2. I would love to see you (and your wife!) learn how to spin poi. I admit that it's partly for me but I do think you would benefit from it.
One underappreciated source of fun is exploring wild-ish areas on foot.
I've typically done it running, but walking works too. The key is to go somewhere where people aren't exactly supposed to go. The best sort of place is a railroad track near a state park (I found a great one near Ithaca and another near the D&R Canal in New Jersey.) Highways work too, if they have enough of a shoulder to be semi-safe for the hardy pedestrian. You follow alongside the tracks, and watch the landscape change, and see what places look like when their meaning isn't pre-processed for you.
Something fascinating happens to your mind when you don't know exactly what you're looking at. I think Buddhists would have something to say about it, but I don't know Buddhism. It's hard to get from nature alone, because your brain says "That's a tree" and turns off. But when you see industrial machines and buildings and you don't know what they are, and you start to hypothesize, you get an independence of mind that people in civilized societies rarely have a chance to experience. It's probably good for writers.
#2 is probably a good idea. 1. Hop planes with no ticket, visit museums, stay in hotels without paying.
1.a. Robin-hooding
2. Go kiss your wife. 2's never a problem 'round here, thankfully. | From: | (Anonymous) |
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| Date: | May 18th, 2012 04:56 am (UTC) |
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1. I would build a community garden, everywhere I possibly could. without having to do it guerrilla style.
for you
2. stop imagining that you are wrong. grow some confidence. you make a lot of mistakes (who doesn't!), some of them because you don't believe yourself. humans have a pretty good calculation engine in their brains. They are generally less wrong than we think. |
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