The Watchtower of Destruction: The Ferrett's Journal - A Year Deep In Kink: A Semi-Retrospective

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March 30th, 2012
09:52 am

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A Year Deep In Kink: A Semi-Retrospective

So I started doing my “sex blogging” over on FetLife (theFacebookOfKinksters) about a year ago, when I started exploring some of the dominant sides of my sexuality.  Which, despite Fet’s often-depressing adherence to “traditional” sexual roles (OH GOD HOW MANY LEATHERY MASTERS AND WAIFY SUBS DO WE NEED?), has turned out to be a good idea.  I’ve made some nice friends there, and gotten some really useful advice when exploring some delicate stuff that I’m not ashamed of but don’t want to throw out to the world without an invite.

(There’s a fuzzy line between “being dominant with female partners” and “being a misogynist asshole” that’s often entirely based on context between a partner who’s agreed to things, and this blog is often very context-free.)

That said, I wrote somewhat of a retrospective today called “The Once and Always Vanilla,” where I discuss the changes that have been wrought in my life over the past year, and where I may (or may not) be going, and how I may still have the label “Vanilla” on Fet.

“You are so not vanilla any more.”

It’s been about a year since I set out on my exploration of BDSM, and my whole life has shifted to fit that. Even my “vanilla” sex now has overtones of kink to it – more hair-pulling, slapping, a bit of brutality in the softest of places….

If you’re interested, get an account and check it out.  And if not, pass on.  Not everyone wants to know what I do behind closed doors… but I can crack ‘em a bit for those who want to watch.  (In case you’re interested, I also wrote up some erotica, some essays on fire play, and a few others that I didn’t link to, but they are still there.)

 

 

Cross-posted from Ferrett's Real Blog.

This entry has also been posted at http://theferrett.dreamwidth.org/202628.html. You can comment here, or comment there; makes no never-mind by me.

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(9 shouts of denial | Tell me I'm full of it)

Comments
 
[User Picture]
From:bart_calendar
Date:March 30th, 2012 02:04 pm (UTC)
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I don't even know what vanilla means anymore. I suspect that most people on FetLife probably think I'm way vanilla, even though I don't feel way vanilla.

But, I probably also use FetLife wrong. It just seems to be the place to post stuff I've agreed not to post on my LJ. And that stuff probably isn't, generally, all that scandalous.
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From:tormentedartist
Date:March 31st, 2012 12:41 am (UTC)
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*Goes to check you out on fetlife*
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From:gwyndolin
Date:March 30th, 2012 03:04 pm (UTC)
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I'm not sure I believe in vanilla. Everything is about power. Kinky sex, "vanilla" sex, life. The dynamics of wanting, of need, especially when you start breaking it down in your head to write effective romance--it's kinky head to toe.

Or maybe this is one of those "when you're a hammer" situations.
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From:fallconsmate
Date:March 30th, 2012 03:25 pm (UTC)
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i couldnt do "waifish" since i was probably 9 years old. and i still definitely have my own mind, and my own smartass behavior.

vanilla is a great choice in the kitchen seasonings, but i cant tell the difference in *smell* between it and chocolate blindfolded. (i'm weird.)

i've heard the saying "you cannot unchose BDSM if its what you need. its like trying to unring a bell". and its true...for me, at least.
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From:horshoo
Date:March 30th, 2012 08:28 pm (UTC)
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I'm definitely not vanilla, but I'm a little short of moose tracks.
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From:aiela
Date:March 30th, 2012 10:55 pm (UTC)
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Honestly, I think there's lots to be said for being flexible. Kink is fun and all, but for me, there's no way I could be All Kink All the Time. I don't like putting myself into little clicky-boxes, either. Hell, for me, what works with one partner might not even work with another one.
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From:kindredsgirl
Date:March 30th, 2012 11:41 pm (UTC)
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Yes, this. Kink is part of a much larger picture, not the core of my sexuality. When I first discovered it 5 years ago, I might have felt differently. It's been interesting watching my interest in and "need" for kink change over time, and, like you say, with different partners.

Edited at 2012-03-30 11:41 pm (UTC)
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From:tormentedartist
Date:March 31st, 2012 12:38 am (UTC)
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I am me, ever and free-flowing. I like that, and the older I get the more I feel open to trying new things, so I can see where you are coming from.

Yeah, I signed up to fetlife....just because of you. LOL. Its funny because I notice the usual suspects in the comments...
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From:hannunvaakuna
Date:April 1st, 2012 04:57 pm (UTC)
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i originally re-opened a "stalker" account on Fetlife to keep up with an ex. now i'm finding that often i forget to check up on the ex, but i log in regularly to see what you're up to. in a way, your journey on FL has been a journey for me as well. thank you (:
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