Got into an argument about this elsewhere with someone who said this was appropriate because "She has no right to privacy from her parents and she gets to take punishment for being insubordinate."

This seems like a fast way to make sure that child loses all respect for the parent. She may be afraid of him, but she certainly won't trust him or respect him. And as someone else pointed out, odds are that if this is their public discussion, their private interactions may be significantly worse.

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Pretty much. If your rule is, "YOU LIVE WITH ME YOU ARE MY SLAVE," then there's really not much of a reason to help you out later.

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Yeah, this dude is probably going to a shitty nursing home.

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Shitty nursing home? Maybe if another family member bothers to find him one.

My abusive parent hasn't heard from me in five years. Her spouse died last year; I passed along that information to people who might care, but did not attend the funeral.

I have no idea what will happen to her when she can't take care of herself, and I don't care, either.

If he keeps this up, that's exactly what he's looking at.

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And this is my point...if some old person needs the state to take care of them they won't get the best care in the world. In other words this guy is going to be wearing shit soaked depends for a few days at a time.

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You're correct. Fear =/= Respect.

I can only imagine their private interactions. I hope she has someplace safe to go to when things get too hot at home. If I were her, I'd buy a van, park it in a buddy's garage, and start loading it. And on my 18th birthday, I'd get up at the crack of dawn and drive that van until I ran out of road.

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Fear =/= Respect.

Exactly this. A friend (and I use the term loosley) of mine was supporting this guy, telling me that he sees nothing wrong with a little "fear-incuded respect." I had to end the conversation. I just didn't know what to say.

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Yeah..."insubordinate" is not a word you should use regarding a child-parent relationship.

And yeah. I'm seeing shitty nursing home as the best option.

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except that minors do not have a right to privacy. As a parent, if my child gives me cause to violate that privacy, I will do so without hesitation. Because there are many cases if you respect the privacy, then you don't know if your kid is in trouble and can't and or won't help them when they need it.

It's a balancing act on a rope.

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I agree it's a balancing act. I would likely monitor certain discussions, to make sure there aren't any real problems. But if someone whines to their friends? I think even admitting that you are aware of that is a violation of the boundaries of a normal parent-child relationship. Putting it on the Internet for all the world to see is just horrid.

Minors should be given rights by their parents, though I agree that the parents can take those rights away. But parents should realize that their actions will cause reactions. And if your child knows he or she has no privacy, the child will simply learn to hide things better. Instead, maybe establish honest communication, which is more likely to lead to you finding out that your kid is in trouble, so you can help them.

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Which is easy to say, when your not in that dynamic, completely different when your in the dynamic with your child.

Relationships are hard, no matter who they are with and we aren't always so reasonable.

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