The Watchtower of Destruction: The Ferrett's Journal - Why Satisfying Is Not Often Smart
February 13th, 2012
09:29 am

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Why Satisfying Is Not Often Smart

(144 shouts of denial | Tell me I'm full of it)

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From:xiphias
Date:February 13th, 2012 04:55 pm (UTC)
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Let me say what I just said more forcefully.

This is a man who, in order to control his daughter, uses public shaming and destruction of her own property.

This is not funny. This is not cute. This is not a simple overreaction of a man that we can laugh at.

This is a man who is a direct threat to his child, and has a significant chance of killing her eventually. This isn't good parenting; this isn't even bad parenting. Rather, this is a warning from a potential murderer to his potential victim of what he's going to do to her.
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From:theferrett
Date:February 13th, 2012 05:12 pm (UTC)
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I dunno. I think it's really bad parenting, but I don't know that the chance is significant. Then again, I haven't had too much experience with southern dads like this.
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From:xiphias
Date:February 13th, 2012 05:13 pm (UTC)
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You must have friends who are social workers, and who work with at-risk families. Get their opinion of what this means.
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From:xiphias
Date:February 13th, 2012 05:16 pm (UTC)
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Also, I find it significant that, on MY friends list, everyone who came from an abusive household is having flashbacks at this video, and it's not generally being posted without trigger warnings.
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From:aiela
Date:February 13th, 2012 05:59 pm (UTC)
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Exactly. Growing up in a household with a "parent" like this, you can see it for exactly what it is. *shudder*
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From:jfargo
Date:February 14th, 2012 04:28 pm (UTC)
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Yeah. This.
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From:heldc
Date:February 13th, 2012 10:43 pm (UTC)
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Yup. My father destroyed my stuff when he got mad. He also hit me when he got mad.
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From:bart_calendar
Date:February 13th, 2012 05:46 pm (UTC)
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I covered crime in New Jersey for 10 years and let me tell you t his is exactly the kind of shit that happens to children a year or two before the parent snaps and does something really, really bad.

What sucks is that you can't really take the kid out of the situation, in general, if they won't testify against dad. Though, in this case, given that dad videotaped the thing it might be a different story (back when I was covering crime it would have been impossible to upload this to the Internet.)
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From:bart_calendar
Date:February 14th, 2012 08:34 am (UTC)
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I guess it sets off warning bells for me just on a personal level because of my experience growing up.

Once when I was about 15 my step mom found my a bunch of Penthouse magazines hidden between my mattress and box springs (Yes, I had no imagination at all about hiding stuff) and then made me take them out into the yard and pour gasoline and set them on fire while she yelled at me about what a dirty pervert I was.

Then she beat the shit out of me (not for the first or last time.)

My step mom, of course, told all her friends about finding the porn and making me burn it, but for some reason didn't mention the punches to my kidneys when she was telling the story (and holy fuck I wasn't going to bring it up as I sat there in a huge shame spiral.)

If I had been 15 in 2012 I could easily see my step mom finding my porn history and making me burn my computer (since, you know, what teens look at magazine porn anymore.)

It just seems too much like the behavior abusive parents show the world before and after the real abuse happens in private.
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From:sesmo
Date:February 13th, 2012 06:07 pm (UTC)
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I was nodding my head with the first three paragraphs. Then I got to the last one and holy cow, I didn't even think of that. Now I'm even more boggled by the commenters who approve of this.
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From:radiumhead
Date:February 13th, 2012 06:16 pm (UTC)
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I think youre stretching it. Ive gotten pissed and smashed things, i could never kill ( or even hurt )-a kid.
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From:xiphias
Date:February 13th, 2012 08:04 pm (UTC)
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I'm not stretching it. I'm not saying that he IS an abuser -- I'm saying that this is what an abuser looks like. He may NOT be an abuser. He might be a fine person.

But that's not the way to bet.

In any case, there's a real difference between "getting pissed and smashing things", which I've done, too, although not for years, and "printing out your daughter's email, setting up a video camera, filming everything, and deliberately shooting the computer."

Losing your temper and smashing something? Sure, I can see that. And plenty of us can do that, but have complete blocks against hurting PEOPLE when we lose our tempers.

But this is something very, very different.
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From:heldc
Date:February 13th, 2012 10:45 pm (UTC)
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The point isn't "All people who get mad and destroy items go on to hurt people". The point is "People who hurt people almost all have a history of destroying items when mad". It's a warning sign, not a absolute indicator.
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From:jfargo
Date:February 14th, 2012 04:33 pm (UTC)
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You probably did it in the heat of the moment, yes?

This guy printed out his daughter's angry message, got his camera, set up his chair, brought out a gun, sat there and read everything on camera, complained against it, and THEN destroyed it, calmly.
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From:moonwolf23
Date:February 20th, 2012 09:52 pm (UTC)
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It's called cold rage, it's not an indication of abuse, just that he has that type of anger.

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From:xiphias
Date:February 20th, 2012 11:34 pm (UTC)
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"Cold rage" IS an indicator of abuse.
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From:moonwolf23
Date:February 20th, 2012 09:51 pm (UTC)
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That is an over reaction yes. Bad parenting, and some time that they both need to learn to communicate ok. CPS needing to get involved no, and frankly they can go mind their own beeswax and clean their own darn house. Direct threat to his child, oh please. He shot a gun at her laptop, it isn't abuse, it's a temper tantrum. To say he will kill her eventually, lets get real shall we.
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From:xiphias
Date:February 20th, 2012 11:31 pm (UTC)
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What's your training in identifying and intervening with abuse? Is that a topic you've studied? From your training, what differences do you detect between this case and a high-risk situation?
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