The Watchtower of Destruction: The Ferrett's Journal - The Seven Words That Help Me Listen
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The Seven Words That Help Me Listen|
|Date:||February 6th, 2012 10:05 pm (UTC)|| |
I was coming to say this. "If what you say is true" carries an undertone of "I don't think you're telling the truth." While it may be accurate that one feels one is only getting partial truth rather than Truth, people still often don't react well to statements that can be heard as questioning their honesty. Especially not when they're already feeling emotionally vulnerable from some interaction with a loved one.
"From what you've said" or "Based on what I'm hearing" or "Not knowing their side of it" or are all alternate phrasings that carry less of a potential undertone.
|Date:||February 7th, 2012 02:18 am (UTC)|| |
I note that there were people who said "if what you say is true" when I came out to them about abuse in my marriage.
It felt like being abused all over again, and I have cut off ties with numerous people who used that phrasing on me. I like the first two of the phrases you suggested a lot. I'd have heard those as "I am taking you at your word, but acknowledging that all I have is your words."