I love Gini because she knows that I am broken. She doesn't try to tell me how everything's fine, or my life is proof that I'm not broken - she understands that inside me is a fundamental weakness so flawed that it's taken me years to work around it. She understands that every day I have to patrol the boundaries of my own flaws like a repairman, continually checking the constructs I have piled around my deeps flaws to jury-rig it into functioning for another year.
I love Gini because she admits that she doesn't have infinite love. The love ran out, once, in our relationship, when I wasn't patrolling the barriers of my brokenness and almost needied her to death. The like stayed, which was why Gini stuck around long enough for loves to regenerate... But in the clear-eyed moments of our relationship, Gini looks at me and tells me yes, you're broken, you'd better fix that shit before it starts chewing up the love again.
Gini understands that when I act according to my nature, I destroy friendships in childish ways. She understands my history is full of alienated friends and destroyed relationships, all because I didn't pay enough attention to what I was doing this. She understands that part of my brokenness is that I have wrong instincts that lead to monstrous actions. She understands that if I appear wise on paper, it's because I have to spend so much time in self-analysis, because I have to intellectually work my way through to a proper action.
And I love Gini because unlike all the people who spend their time telling me how I'm not broken, when repairs are needed Gini picks up the hammer and is by my side jury-rigging that endless, abhorrent brokenness within me - knowing that this repair won't last forever, that we're always just spackling the cracks in a dam that's forever on the edge of bursting, and that's okay because she loves me and is going to do what it takes to stave off the inevitable for another day.
I love Gini because in the end, she always comes through.
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