The Watchtower of Destruction: The Ferrett's Journal - The Top 5 Worst Drinks To Have In Your Eye
May 27th, 2010
09:46 am

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The Top 5 Worst Drinks To Have In Your Eye
Vodka Eyeballin\'Yesterday brought the revelation that apparently college kids have been "drinking" vodka by dousing their eyeballs in it. And if you're going to be sousing your sclera, vodka's a good choice; it's clear, so you can see exactly how the harsh chemicals are devouring your cornea whole, it's reasonably free of toxins, and it's cheap as Satan's sale merchandise.

Yet, we asked, what would be the five worst drinks that these brave orbal experimenters no doubt tried soaking their eyes in before settling on vodka? And so we have compiled this handy list of the five worst drinks to eyeball. No, don't thank me; your merry winks show your approval.

5) Tequila.
This doesn't sound too bad until you realize you have to coat your eye in salt, do the shot, and then squirt lime in.

4) Goldschlager.
While it leaves the whites of your eyeballs a dazzling gold foil, the irritation of finding that a piece of metal has worked its way to the back of your retina really isn't worth it.

Here\'s lookin\' at you, kid3) A Screwdriver.
Not as painful as the other citrus-based mixers - the pinnacle of pain is, of course, a Tequila Sunrise - the problem is that you get no sympathy on any front.

"So why does your eyeball hurt?"

"I jammed a screwdriver in it last night."

"Dude, what the hell were you doing, sticking workshop tools in your eye?"

"No, no - vodka and orange juice. I was getting drunk."

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

2) Bloody Mary.
Even the ones that are light on pepper and tabasco sauce tend to sting a little once those tomatoes work their way under your eyelid.

And the number one worst drink to have in your eye is....

Ow.

1) A Flaming Shot.
Self-obvious, really, but tell that to One-Eyelid Oscar.

(17 shouts of denial | Tell me I'm full of it)

Comments
 
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From:anotherjen
Date:May 27th, 2010 01:55 pm (UTC)
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This belongs in mock_the_stupid.
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From:theferrett
Date:May 27th, 2010 02:02 pm (UTC)
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They can use it, if they see fit.
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From:driocanthe
Date:May 27th, 2010 01:55 pm (UTC)
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Yanno..

if some people had an ingredient list, the first thing listed would be "stupid".

*sigh*

mal/io/something
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From:mariadkins
Date:May 27th, 2010 02:54 pm (UTC)
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see icon.
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From:aiela
Date:May 27th, 2010 01:59 pm (UTC)
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Your brain is a scary place.
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From:sylphon
Date:May 27th, 2010 02:34 pm (UTC)
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When I read about this idiocy last week, all I could think of was maybe the first kid to do it had sneezed hard, realized air could escape through the eye, and the idea went downhill from there. Otherwise the origin might be dementia, they confused the eye with the mouth..
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From:mariadkins
Date:May 27th, 2010 02:54 pm (UTC)
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I made a girl accidentally snort Goldschlager through her nose a couple of years ago. A bunch of us were doing shots, and I said something she found funny about the time she went to shoot - she snorted and the drink went from the back of her mouth right up her sinus and out her nose. She hurt. Oh gods she hurt. But we're still LOL about it.
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From:sacramentalist
Date:May 27th, 2010 02:54 pm (UTC)
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Here's mudslide in your eye
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From:jeffpalmatier
Date:May 27th, 2010 03:09 pm (UTC)
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I seem to remember hearing about an idiotic trend in bars where people would slam glasses on the table to get the carbonated part of their drink all shook up and then they'd down it quickly. I guess this would be painful to pour into your eye, especially if you fizz it up by slamming it right into your eye.

Speaking of non-oral ways of getting alcohol into your system, there's that story Tommy Lee of Motley Crue told of them shooting Jack Daniels into their veins. There's also that story of that woman who got arrested after she agreed to give her husband an alcohol enema and he died because of it: http://www.seattlepi.com/national/210573_sherry03ww.html

Edited at 2010-05-27 03:26 pm (UTC)
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From:elfwench
Date:May 27th, 2010 03:34 pm (UTC)
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I would think that vodka on the eyes would fucking hurt like hell. Is feeling of intoxication really worth the pain?

Morons!
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From:tormentedartist
Date:May 27th, 2010 05:05 pm (UTC)
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If you are so pathetic as to need to pour a harmful substance into your eye to show off for a bunch pof jerks you deserve what you get.
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From:coyotegoth
Date:May 27th, 2010 07:54 pm (UTC)
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OK- I knew someone guys in college who would get drunk by soaking tampons in alocohol, and then inserting them anally; this may be even stupider.
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From:cameoflage
Date:May 28th, 2010 04:00 am (UTC)
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...I honestly can't decide which of those is worse. I really can't.
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From:lysystratae
Date:May 29th, 2010 02:54 pm (UTC)
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Did the anal method cause any permanent damage? The eye method does, so that would make it stupider in my opinion.
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From:merle_
Date:May 27th, 2010 10:42 pm (UTC)
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Bwa ha ha! Most excellent. I bow to you.
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From:heldc
Date:May 28th, 2010 04:01 am (UTC)
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Thane set his goatee on fire once, trying to impress a woman (according to how he tells the story anyway.)
He was at a bar, and someone bought him a flaming shot, and well, long story short, flaming goatee.
I did not yet know him them, and I fairly frequently tease him that he can't be THAT into me if he's never set his facial hair on fire for me. This has not yet backfired in entirely predictable ways, but I think a couple of our friends have a betting pool going as to when it will. :)
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From:libco
Date:May 29th, 2010 02:04 am (UTC)
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I'm truly speechless.
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