The Watchtower of Destruction: The Ferrett's Journal - Let's Do This For rollick's Mom: "Pony In A Car"

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December 29th, 2008
03:40 pm

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Let's Do This For [info]rollick's Mom: "Pony In A Car"
[info]rollick had this entry the other day:

Yesterday we went out walking in the local Audubon refuge, where my mother informed us that she'd been looking online for that video where Patches the horse rides a car, eats a cheeseburger, answers a phone, fetches a beer, etc. She did this by Googling the string "pony in a car." Blushingly, she informed us that "pony in a car" was actually a "dirty act," and how was she to know, but suddenly she was staring down a bunch of porn sites.

The second we got home, I of course Googled "pony in a car" to find out what this wild new sex act could be, and whether it can compete with the Dirty Sanchez. I got 11 million sites about pony cars and automotive sites where people were talking about "ponies under the hood" as a cutesy term for horsepower. Nothing remotely dirty.

I talked it over with my sister, who wondered if mom had accidentally typed "peenie in a car" or maybe "PORNY in a car," but even that didn't lead us anywhere entertaining. We have no idea where she got it from, and we told her so. She suggested she just uses a different Internet from us, one that's constantly out to shock and embarrass her. I think that's probably the only possible explanation. But I kind of want to get on her Interwub and find out what the hell "pony in a car" means in her world.


I think "Pony in a Car" sounds like a filthy sex act, but I have no idea what it is. And now I want "Pony in a Car" to be a filthy sex act. So here's the contest:

Step 1: You offer your description of a foul sexual act that "Pony In A Car" could describe - as in, "I gave her/him the ol' 'Pony in a Car' last night." (Bonus points if it involves neither a pony nor a car, but is somehow evocative of one. Likewise, while it may be entertaining to give The Aristocrats-length descriptions, concise is almost always funnier.)
Step 2:
Step 3: Profit. Or, in the case of the winner, a small container of Astroglide lube sent to your doorstep. Alas, [info]rollick's mom will not be able to autograph it for you, but I will if you like. And if the act is sufficiently vile, perhaps I will put in some personalized trinket, again evocative of the act.

This contest is good through the end of New Year's Day. Submit your worst "Pony in a Car" ideas.

(Tell me I'm full of it)

Comments
 
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From:[info]plinko
Date:December 29th, 2008 08:44 pm (UTC)
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I can only assume it was something like this. Especially if she typed "cart" instead of "car".
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From:[info]rollick
Date:December 29th, 2008 08:56 pm (UTC)
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I am AGOG with anticipation. And I hereby recuse myself in order to better sit back and watch the fun.
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From:[info]khiron1416
Date:December 29th, 2008 09:02 pm (UTC)
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i'm going to say anally penetrating someone with one's penis and testicles simultaneously.
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From:[info]anivair
Date:December 29th, 2008 09:03 pm (UTC)
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A pony in a car is clearly a variation on the cat in the bathtub, but instead of stuffing your nuts in a girl's ass, you put them in her vagina along with your penis. You put the whole unit in there (also called using your "horse and carriage").
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From:[info]anon52
Date:December 30th, 2008 12:43 am (UTC)
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Seconded.
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From:[info]stone_
Date:December 29th, 2008 09:10 pm (UTC)
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The key here is that the pony doesn't really fit in a car so the head is going to be poking out. I'm going to say it's anally fisting and pressing up your fingers to poke some flesh back out the vaginal opening.
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From:[info]anivair
Date:December 30th, 2008 02:47 am (UTC)
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ooh ... that's a good one.
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From:[info]crasch
Date:December 29th, 2008 09:22 pm (UTC)

"Pony in a Car"

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Having sex. With a pony. In a car.
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From:[info]jeffpalmatier
Date:December 29th, 2008 09:25 pm (UTC)

Re: "Pony in a Car"

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Now you're just being silly. :-D
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From:[info]misterflames
Date:December 29th, 2008 09:28 pm (UTC)
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My brain is trying to force the concept into a covert prostitute delivery service. Not sure of the logistics involved, but my brain is tricky that way.
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From:[info]crasch
Date:December 29th, 2008 10:11 pm (UTC)
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The Pony Girl Express!
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From:[info]misterflames
Date:December 29th, 2008 10:17 pm (UTC)
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Oooo... that's a good one. Serves me right for trying to put the car before the pony.
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From:[info]jeffpalmatier
Date:December 29th, 2008 09:31 pm (UTC)
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I made the mistake of doing a Google search after coming across the term Dirty Sanchez a while back. I like to think of myself as a reasonably open-minded person with the ability to say, 'Well, I'm not into that, but if it works for you, God speed.' However, this is one of few times I found myself absolutely dumbfounded that somebody else would find a certain act to be erotic. Yuck.

Edited at 2008-12-29 09:33 pm (UTC)
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From:[info]misterflames
Date:December 31st, 2008 11:22 pm (UTC)
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Yeah, that doesn't sound appealing at all. But then again, I was looking up something else for a bit of research, and came across the idea of "Oreo Mint Surprise." Oh, Internet, how could I ever have survived not knowing about such crazy concepts before today.
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From:[info]jeffpalmatier
Date:December 31st, 2008 11:51 pm (UTC)
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Yeah, I suppose that sometimes ignorance is indeed bliss. It's great how the internet has made finding information so much easier, but there are times when you come across stuff that you'd rather had not! :-D
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From:[info]varna
Date:December 29th, 2008 09:38 pm (UTC)
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Astroglide? *shudders* Take it from a girl who takes it to the forearm: silicon based, darlin. Silicon. We use Wet Platinum, though Gun Oil is also good, if lacking in the sexycool black bottle with convenient grips on the handle for when you've just coated your entire hand in lube prior to stuffi... errr...

I like silicon lube.
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From:[info]dornbeast
Date:December 30th, 2008 07:46 am (UTC)

Just curious...

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Umm...silicon, or silicone?

I know there's uses for each, and I'm fairly certain that the uses don't overlap, but for some reason I think it's silicone that would work as the lube, not silicon. I could just be completely confused, of course.
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From:[info]miripanda
Date:December 29th, 2008 10:25 pm (UTC)

I used to do it all the time when I was 8 or so.

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It's that delicate moment when you've crammed Starlight in behind Moonbeam and tucked PrincessTail in the hot tub in the back, and Ken's just getting in the driver's seat to take all your My Little Ponies to the Pony Prom in the hot pink Barbie limo you got for Christmas.

What...you guys didn't all do that?
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From:[info]theferrett
Date:December 29th, 2008 10:26 pm (UTC)

Re: I used to do it all the time when I was 8 or so.

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You filthy, filthy whore.
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From:[info]miripanda
Date:December 29th, 2008 10:30 pm (UTC)

Re: I used to do it all the time when I was 8 or so.

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Oh yeah, well Judgy Judgerson, you just kissed your invite to the Night of a Thousand Little Ponies after party, Ponies Gone Wild, good bye...

:P
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From:[info]kid_lit_fan
Date:December 30th, 2008 09:10 am (UTC)

Re: I used to do it all the time when I was 8 or so.

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My Barbies were sooooo het and vanilla, I swear. Lots of drama, though, Ken being the only male in the worlds Most Heterosexual Universe.

Hmmmmmm. I've shared WAY too much.
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From:[info]miripanda
Date:December 30th, 2008 01:53 pm (UTC)

Re: I used to do it all the time when I was 8 or so.

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All my barbies existed in a constant orphan state, Party of Five style, so you had "kids" from 18 (did people get older than that and still wear mini skirts? I didn't think so then...) to infant getting up to all sorts of shenanigans.
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From:[info]morgi
Date:December 30th, 2008 11:52 pm (UTC)

Re: I used to do it all the time when I was 8 or so.

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My Ken was a transvestite.
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From:[info]laurapatrick
Date:December 29th, 2008 10:27 pm (UTC)

Re: I used to do it all the time when I was 8 or so.

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You will be amused to know that you are now number 9 on the list of google results when searching "pony in a car".
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From:[info]laurapatrick
Date:December 29th, 2008 10:27 pm (UTC)

Re: I used to do it all the time when I was 8 or so.

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Argh! I ALWAYS hit the wrong reply-to!
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From:[info]dagonell
Date:December 30th, 2008 12:24 am (UTC)

Re: I used to do it all the time when I was 8 or so.

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Check again. He's now #1! -- Dagonell :D
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From:[info]ravenblack
Date:December 29th, 2008 10:29 pm (UTC)
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I assume the "pony" part would be related to "pony-girl" as someone already said. Doing that in a car just seems very weird, but maybe it's ... riding your pony-attired partner in one of those trailers that horses are transported in, while in motion?
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From:[info]ianhess
Date:December 29th, 2008 10:36 pm (UTC)

My guess

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I think it involves a furry costume and a variety of food, as a variation on "pigs in a blanket". "Preparing" and "consuming" are equally important.
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From:[info]freak_in_need
Date:December 29th, 2008 11:07 pm (UTC)
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Having doggy-style sex in a sleeping bag.

Not exactly filthy, but about as cramped, unwieldy and full of the possibility for injury (knees in crotches, losing balances, the dreaded "wrong hole") as getting a pony in a car would probably entail.
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From:[info]masque12
Date:December 30th, 2008 12:56 am (UTC)
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There's a wrong hole?
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From:[info]inncubus
Date:December 30th, 2008 02:30 am (UTC)
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There can be if you fall on a tent pole...
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From:[info]kid_lit_fan
Date:December 30th, 2008 09:12 am (UTC)
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There is if you weren't planning on using that one right now!
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From:[info]olliesmama
Date:December 30th, 2008 01:06 am (UTC)
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Pony in a Car? Sure....it's when you're having a 69 in the backseat of your convertible and a manure truck "accidentally" dumps its' load of horse shit on you, via "Back to the Future". I thought everyone knew that...
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From:[info]caelestis25
Date:December 30th, 2008 03:52 am (UTC)
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Pony in a Car: When getting a blow job, the guy pulls out before ejaculating, and comes right in his partner's ear.
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From:[info]crashkincaide
Date:December 30th, 2008 05:29 am (UTC)
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Actually, a "pony in a car" is an act in which; A man penetrates a woman missionary style while another woman, on hands and knees gives that man a rimjob while, another man straddles her back, stroking himself between her shoulderblades while he is being fucked in the ass by a yet another man (or a woman with a strap-on). I thought everyone knew that.
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From:[info]poobah103
Date:December 30th, 2008 07:39 am (UTC)
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I don't know what it is, but I know their act is called "The Aristocrats".
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From:[info]crashkincaide
Date:December 30th, 2008 07:42 am (UTC)
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Heh-heh-heh... that is the most appropriate response ever! Well played =)
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From:[info]maritzac
Date:December 30th, 2008 08:04 pm (UTC)
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Well, it's when you take a pony.

And fuck it.

In a car.
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From:[info]leasara
Date:December 30th, 2008 08:16 pm (UTC)
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Isn't that where the guy is using a fleshlight (look it up) over his equipment to penetrate his partener's rear?
From:[info]jcochrane
Date:December 30th, 2008 10:31 pm (UTC)
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Inserting a 7-oz beer bottle (pony) in a female's rectum and tilting it to empty the contents, whle simultaneously having her urinate into an empty bottle ("Lureen, we's driving to Florida straight thru on this car trip...have the kids pee in this-here bottle." No it never happened to me, but I have heard stories.) So cold fluid entering, as warm fluid exits, the combination might well give the recipent a ferocious pee-shiver-like sensation. Bonus points if the girl is dressed in pony-girl costume, natch.
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From:[info]ewin
Date:December 31st, 2008 01:17 am (UTC)
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1. The car must be a stick shift.

2. Make sure you've got it in neutral, motor running, with the emergency brake NOT engaged.

3. Don't do this near any cliffs.

4. The act can be performed with two men or a man and a woman. Basically, one man anally mounts the shifter, and then anally penetrates the other man or woman.

5. Make sure it's one of those cars that gives you a good kick when it stalls out.

6. You score extra points if you accidentally hit the clutch and gas in such a way as to actually drive somewhere.

7. Convertibles and sunroofs are cheating.

8. More bonus points if someone wears a harness.

9. Extra special bonus points if the stick shift is a very large, very long one.

10. Doing this bent over, your backs toward the windshield, is Pony in a Car. Doing this the other way, facing the windshield, is Uncle Pony Ride in a Car (cause whoever's on top gets to bounce on your knee!).
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From:[info]curtisp
Date:December 31st, 2008 03:21 am (UTC)
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I just googled "Pony in a Car". This entry came up at the top.
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