The Watchtower of Destruction: The Ferrett's Journal - Calling A Mulligan

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August 11th, 2008
02:13 pm

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Calling A Mulligan
In the game of Magic, you start out with a seven-card hand, drawn randomly from the deck. But some opening hands start you in an unwinnable position, and others are so weak you're pretty much guaranteed to lose.

Thankfully, you can call a mulligan - which involves throwing your hand back into the deck, reshuffling, and draw six cards instead of seven. Hopefully, those six cards will be better. Sometimes they're not, but it's better than auto-losing.

The answer to "How long have you been writing?" as of today is, well... Today. When I sat down to the keyboard this morning, those were the first words I wrote as a writer. Before now, I've been fingering my seven-card hand and ever-so-slowly realizing that it's not enough.

Those past two decades? Gone. They're not helpful. Psychologically, I'm looking back at two failed decades where I've never published a novel or accomplished something. Before Clarion, those two decades tugged at my neck like a noose, a constant and unending proof of my utter lack of talent; here you are at almost forty, Ferrett, and who the fuck do you think you might be when half your life's dripped away like that?

Six weeks at Clarion showed me just how weak I was at the essentials, and it's going to take some time to rebuild myself. It might be years, and looking at it as years of failure is going to stop me cold. I need to build from a solid base, and I can't do that when I'm wreathed in the faint stench of failure before I even start.

So as of this morning, I rebooted. Everything else is gone. I'm shriven. Today I write these words as someone who's going for it.

Let's see where I go from here.

(Tell me I'm full of it)

Comments
 
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From:[info]jfargo
Date:August 11th, 2008 06:21 pm (UTC)
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So I'm curious: Is this a totally new start as a Writer, or is the new Writer going to attempt to salvage previous work from before?
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From:[info]theferrett
Date:August 11th, 2008 09:04 pm (UTC)
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I'll probably attempt to salvage some stories from before.
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From:[info]jfargo
Date:August 11th, 2008 10:41 pm (UTC)
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Cool. While I'm glad that you've emerged anew, I'd love to see if you can salvage the old ideas you that held so much passion for you.
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From:[info]kibbles
Date:August 11th, 2008 06:23 pm (UTC)
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It's what I did going back to college, kind of.

I could have gotten the records from three different schools, taken tests, argued over what counted, what didn't. Got my records from my now closed down school to figure out which HS AP classes were worth credits, too.

Instead, I said "take me in as a freshman". Crazy, but it worked for me. If I did not do that, I would have failed in my later classes, my 20 year old foundation weak and falling. Considering how far I want to go, learning where to stick a comma in a sentence seemed like a pretty good idea.

So the 20 years weren't wasted, but I had to make the same decision. Continue to build on that shaky foundation, which would have led to my ultimate failure (and really would have hurt deeply, I probably would never try after that) or just start as if I never set foot in a college. I think I made the right decision, too. Six months into this little plan, I've got a GPA high enough for the Dean's list, an honor society invite, scholarships, and most importantly, the confidence to take the classes to lead to a career of helping people, and putting their lives in my hands.
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From:[info]teriel
Date:August 11th, 2008 06:41 pm (UTC)
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you should read waiter rant. That guy's writing style reminds me of you
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From:[info]dien
Date:August 12th, 2008 02:37 am (UTC)
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Huh. I hadn't thought of this, but you know, I kind of agree, Ferrett.
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From:[info]theferrett
Date:August 12th, 2008 11:46 pm (UTC)
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I've thought that before. If only I had a job that put me in touch with the public on a more regular basis, I could have that fame!

...okay, prolly not.
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From:[info]saraphina_marie
Date:August 11th, 2008 06:56 pm (UTC)
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And we'll be right here with you, reading and enjoying and following along!
Welcome to the world, again.
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From:[info]wyrrlen
Date:August 11th, 2008 07:08 pm (UTC)
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It's advised to switch soft drink manufacturers when rebooting.

I mean, I really don't have any hard evidence to back that up, but it sounded good to me.
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From:[info]theferrett
Date:August 12th, 2008 11:46 pm (UTC)
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Nah. Diet Pepsi is my writing juice.
From:(Anonymous)
Date:August 13th, 2008 03:36 pm (UTC)
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See, that's what I'm saying... all those years of struggling with your writing might make you wonder, "was it me or was it my soft drink?"

It's time to break away and make a fresh start....AND, in some weird opposite of southerner tradition, you could evens till call it P-...Pep-...whatever that stuff is.
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From:[info]wyrrlen
Date:August 13th, 2008 03:36 pm (UTC)
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That's weird.
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From:[info]wyrrlen
Date:August 13th, 2008 03:36 pm (UTC)
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See, that's what I'm saying... all those years of struggling with your writing might make you wonder, "was it me or was it my soft drink?"

It's time to break away and make a fresh start....AND, in some weird opposite of southerner tradition, you could even still call it P-...Pep-...whatever that stuff is.
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From:[info]lordkiev
Date:August 11th, 2008 07:24 pm (UTC)
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I had to take a similar mental stand when I decided (about a week ago) that I wanted to take Constructed Magic very seriously and find out how good I am at Magic. I now see myself qualifying for a Pro Tour, where I didn't see that for myself a month ago.

Here's to new beginnings.
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From:[info]tithenai
Date:August 11th, 2008 08:26 pm (UTC)
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Completely off-topic, your icon WINS.
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From:[info]theferrett
Date:August 11th, 2008 09:05 pm (UTC)
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Luck to you! Knock those PTQs dead!
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From:[info]montykins
Date:August 11th, 2008 07:29 pm (UTC)
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This is somewhat off the topic, but I would like to mention that your icon made me laugh (which, I think, is the first time Zero Punctuation has had that effect on me).
From:[info]meyerweb.com
Date:August 11th, 2008 07:31 pm (UTC)
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Yeah, because people who've never done anything right and are failures, writing-wise, are exactly the sorts who get admitted to Clarion in the first place.
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From:[info]theferrett
Date:August 11th, 2008 09:02 pm (UTC)
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Frankly, I was doing far more wrong than right. A snappy writing style and an imagination doth not a story make.

I can fix that, though.
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From:[info]nicked_metal
Date:August 12th, 2008 11:38 am (UTC)
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True.

Although a snappy writing style and an imagination can help present a story effectively.

I think it's good that you're starting again, and setting aside the tricks you mastered in pursuit of a more fully developed set of skills.

For two decades, you developed a set of skills that started out as a wonderful asset, and became a straitjacket. Setting aside the straitjacket is a Very Good Thing. But someday, you'll be able to call on those skills as a support, instead of a crutch.

They're not useless skills, and it's not wasted time. But doing something completely different is definitely the right call.

Why am I harping on about this? Probably because I don't like to see you calling yourself bad names. This rebirth you're having is a wonderful and beautiful thing. But the person you were is also a good man, even though it's time to leave him behind.
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From:[info]wolflady26
Date:August 11th, 2008 07:31 pm (UTC)
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This morning on Larry King, there was a woman talking about how most people live their lives addicted to the emotions they experienced in the past. They spend most of their lives trying to replay the emotions they experienced when they were in their early 20s, and because of that, never living in the present or the future.

She then went on to say a lot of stuff that I thought was pretty batty, and didn't really expand on the idea too much, which is a shame. But I thought it was a really interesting concept.

And look! It ties into what you wrote here. Congratulations on casting off the past and moving into the future. Best of luck on breaking that addiction, to put it in her terms. Here's to a blank slate.
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From:[info]danjite
Date:August 11th, 2008 07:46 pm (UTC)
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While we might not get "do-overs', we are all allowed clean starts.

Good on ye'.
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From:[info]suburbfabulous
Date:August 11th, 2008 07:49 pm (UTC)

Woo. Hah.

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Fuck yeah.
Show me what you got, little rodent.
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From:[info]bonerici
Date:August 11th, 2008 08:05 pm (UTC)
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not that it matters, but the dark knight is now #3 all time, at 9.1 and still dropping, losing 0.1 per week.

http://www.imdb.com/chart/top

1. 9.1 The Shawshank Redemption (1994) 360,131
2. 9.1 The Godfather (1972) 308,675
3. 9.1 The Dark Knight (2008) 222,220
4. 9.0 The Godfather: Part II (1974) 175,234

By december it should be even with star wars.
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From:[info]theferrett
Date:August 11th, 2008 08:34 pm (UTC)
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Actually, I checked that this morning and had noticed that. I was glad to see it.
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From:[info]dawnwolf
Date:August 11th, 2008 08:13 pm (UTC)

Congratulations and best wishes

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I'm so looking forward to seeing what you grow into.
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From:[info]skaldheim
Date:August 11th, 2008 08:19 pm (UTC)
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Go get 'em!
From:[info]diatryma
Date:August 11th, 2008 08:22 pm (UTC)
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That is worth going to Clarion for.
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From:[info]speedball
Date:August 11th, 2008 09:40 pm (UTC)
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So, I'm curious. Was pre-Clarion Ferrett mana-hosed, or spell-hosed?

Edited at 2008-08-11 09:40 pm (UTC)
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From:[info]theferrett
Date:August 12th, 2008 11:47 pm (UTC)
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Pre-Clarion Ferrett didn't have enough gas. Wasn't hosed entirely, just not enough to really win the game definitively.
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From:[info]hiromasaki
Date:August 14th, 2008 05:42 am (UTC)
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And non-MTG playing HiroMasaki thanks you for reminding him of yet another rules change that pointed him towards the MTG emergency exit sign.

:P
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From:[info]zoethe
Date:August 11th, 2008 09:48 pm (UTC)
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My hubby the new writer. With his new writing space. Yay!!
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From:[info]blackcoat
Date:August 11th, 2008 10:42 pm (UTC)
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...does this mean that we don't get anymore My Name?

'cause, I have to say..I've been chomping unhappy at the bit for it.
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From:[info]delosd
Date:August 11th, 2008 11:17 pm (UTC)
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BORN AGAIN WRITER!!
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From:[info]kitashla
Date:August 12th, 2008 02:26 am (UTC)
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That's a lot like how I look at it. I've been writing for a little while. (No where near two decades.) However, I've never written anything really good, let alone something worth publishing. But I maintain hope that I will some day.

My life is not over. Perhaps at this stage in my life I don't have the necessary skills, maturity or even enough life experience to really complete that "great American novel" I feel I'm destined to write.

But just because I haven't done it yet, it doesn't mean that I won't ever.

I also look at every book attempt I've made as finding one more way to write a book that sucks. One of these days, I'll run out of ways to suck and I'll end up writing something good by process of elimination. *grin*
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From:[info]gottasing
Date:August 12th, 2008 06:21 am (UTC)
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Best of luck to you.

"Courage is not the absence of fear, it is the mastery of it."

Harvey MacKay
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From:[info]chris_reynaga
Date:August 12th, 2008 08:36 pm (UTC)
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Kick some ass, man. =)
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From:[info]apocalypse_0
Date:August 13th, 2008 05:16 am (UTC)
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IME, there is nothing wrong with pushing forty and still making it up as you go along, as long as you've been building and trying things along the way.

As I see it, like me, you've got another 40 years to go - make the most of them!
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