Spittake!

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But they wouldn't have found it at all, because their staff of Ra was one kadam too long.

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That, I think, is "Raiders" big plot flaw. All Indy had to do was wait for Bellocq to not find it, get shot, and the Nazis to leave. On the other hand, it must be admitted Indiana Jones, while having many fine qualities, is an improv guy, not a planner.

A friend of mine once noted that Indiana Jones Versus Tom Ripley would be an awesome fight.

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Which only happened because they didn't have the amulet. Which, if Indy hadn't gotten involved, they would have offed Ravenwood and had it.

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You are aware that, er, nobody knew what the Ark did IN THE ACTUAL MOVIE, right? Hence all the scrambling around?

You can't meta everything.

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The action in the movie takes place PRE-Invasion of Poland. So there likely wouldn't HAVE BEEN a WWII had things spun out as you suggest. And then liberals everywhere would lose their trademark whining simile "just liiiike Hiiiiitleeeerrrrr!"

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Liberals everywhere

You ARE aware self-proclaimed conservatives are just as prone as self-proclaimed liberals to Godwin's Law, right?

It's worth checking, I've actually met people on the Internet who AREN'T.

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I guess you haven't been listening to The Pooflinger in Chief much lately, since he's used Nazi references twice lately in regards to people who differ from his world view...

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Wow. You know the sad thing is... I don't think I ever really realized that the movie took place pre-WWII/WWII era.

I haven't seen it in probably ten years, other than parts here and there. I think I just chalked everything being old up to... well... they have old stuff there. And that there are always going to be crazy Nazis.

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And after the Nazi headquarters explodes, the US government takes responsibility for it and says, "Japan wait until you see what we do to you."

Japan quickly surrenders. The atomic bombs are never dropped. A twitchy US government, itching to see how well their new bombs work, decide, "WTF, lets go get Russia while we're at it and kill the commie bastards."

Russia quickly surrenders after Moscow goes up in a pile of radiation. The entire cold war is avoided.

So, Indiana is now directly responsible for the cold war as well.

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NOT ONLY THAT!! But it would have been an INCREDIBLY short movie and - therefore - unlikely to spur sequels.

Therefore Indy is *ALSO* responsible for "Temple of Doom" and "Crystal Skull."

Will his atrocities never END?! :-P

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Oh my GOD. Can I steal that icon? Pleeeeeze?

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Or, conversely, Truman never sees what atomics can do, and we obliterate Korea.

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*blink* *blink*


I had never thought of that before.

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All Indy films are based on Lukc winning the day over skill. Indy tends to fuck up everything, and he luck keeps him ALIVE. But the problems that spiral out? Yeah, man. That's how Indy WORKS.

Same with Crusade! Indy doesn't get involved, they either:

A) Never get the grail

or

B) Get the grail, remove it and all die anyway

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Yeah, but Indy really only got involved because his dad disappeared — or he was told his dad disappeared.

The whole thing of the Indy movies is finding an artifact that means something to someone else. The Ark was Abner Ravenwood's specialty. The Sankara Stone was important to the Indian village. The Grail was important to his dad. The crystal skull was important to his old colleague Oxley. Only in the second and third movies is the finding of the thing a life-or-death necessity.

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I've always thought a better ending for Raiders would have been for the ark to be brought to a bunch of American government scientists with the implication that it is what taught them how to make atomic bombs.

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lol.. too bad the victims of the A bomb didn't know that all they had to do was close their eyes and everything would be OK! ;)

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No, wait, I lie. In the end, as my wife zoethe has noted, if everything had gone more smoothly they might have felt more comfortable with the Ark and brought it straight to Hitler.

Not buying it. I think Belloc would have wanted to open it himself, in his little ceremony, even if Jones didn't interfere.

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Yup- Belloq was just that egotistical, he'd have wanted the "glory" of opening it himself for the first time, Just like Lord Carnarvon and being first into Tut's tomb.

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Even if Indy and Marion hadn't been at the final meltdown, you just know some lowly private would've been doing KP somewhere, and shown up after the fireworks to ask what he was supposed to do with 50 pounds of potatoes now that he was done peeling them.

The movie would've had one last scene before going into the final sequence of 'Hitler crushes everyone who can be duped into not shooting men trying to open a styrofoam cooler of God's wrath before they figure out the latch' where the hapless bastard mutters, in German, "What am I supposed to do with 50 pounds of peeled potatoes now that everyone's dead? I cook and I slave and this is the thanks I get?"

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"Was soll ich tun mit 50 Pfund geschälte Kartoffeln, dass jetzt alle tot? Ich kochen und ich Slave und das ist der Dank bekomme ich?"

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OMG. You're right, he did nothing.

Indiana Jones = Jeff Lebowski

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Indy might have been more impressive facing off against the nihilists, though. Similarly, I think Nazis would've been a bit much for the Dude to try to handle.

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Sadly, "Indiana Jones and the Complete Incompetency" didn't test well as a movie title.

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Brilliant! Your posts are so witty and funny. I always start my day witha smile on my face. Thanks :)

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Well, how ELSE was he supposed to get Hitler's autograph?

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(Snerk!)

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A) Hitler thought that he was worthy of bearing the ark. His belief may have been enough to prevent melty face syndrome.
B) Hitler probably knew how to use the ark properly. His cronies clearly did not. Had Indy not interfered, Hitler would have gotten the ark, and could have borne it on the front lines, opening it towards the enemy to melt *their* faces, as the drawing Indy had in the beginning of the movie showed.

I don't think Indy not interfering would have prevented WWII.

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During the showing a couple nights ago, I suddenly realized, "Wait a minute. Sure, Indy punches a lot of people, but in the end, it's his enemies are destroyed by whatever mystical artifact they're trying to find. That's the sort of crappy story that'd annoy the hell out of me if the DM tried to pass it off as an adventure."

Yeah, I process nearly everything as an RPG session.

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Indiana, the state, is also useless. Just throwing that out there.

COINCIDENCE?

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