theferrett: The Evil Truth

The Ferrett (

theferrett) wrote,
@ 2008-03-26 12:51:00

The Evil Truth
One of the reasons I was so successful at sleeping with women was, paradoxically, that I was terrible at it. Everyone else I knew was waiting for the signs, trying to dope out the perfect moment when they were synced enough to kiss her and start things.

Me? That stressed me out. I hated feeling like I was misreading someone. So I always just said, "I really want to kiss you now. Can I?"

It worked. A lot. Some said it broke the romance, but fuck 'em. They wanted games. I wanted kisses. Thankfully, I generally got them. And a good, object lesson in about asking for what you want.

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	kmg_365 2008-03-26 04:55 pm UTC (link)
	So I always just said, "I really want to kiss you now. Can I?" You sound like Gene Simmons. :-D (Reply to this)(Thread)(Expand)

theferrett, 2008-03-26 08:53 pm UTC (Expand)

kmg_365, 2008-03-26 08:55 pm UTC (Expand)

	whouseknecht 2008-03-26 05:00 pm UTC (link)
	Reminds me of Richard Feynman's observations about sleeping with women: tell them up front you want to sleep with them, and they'll often say yes. He found (to his dismay) that this worked even with "nice" girls. He stopped doing it because it disturbed him too much. (Reply to this)(Thread)(Expand)

elise, 2008-03-26 05:09 pm UTC (Expand)

dnwq, 2008-03-26 05:11 pm UTC (Expand)

whouseknecht, 2008-03-26 05:28 pm UTC (Expand)

elise, 2008-03-26 05:35 pm UTC (Expand)

whouseknecht, 2008-03-26 05:44 pm UTC (Expand)

bretth, 2008-03-26 06:27 pm UTC (Expand)

lupinlover, 2008-03-26 06:46 pm UTC (Expand)

street_person, 2008-03-26 09:56 pm UTC (Expand)

lupinlover, 2008-03-26 06:45 pm UTC (Expand)

gfish, 2008-03-26 07:11 pm UTC (Expand)

theferrett, 2008-03-26 05:11 pm UTC (Expand)

fax_celestis, 2008-03-26 05:29 pm UTC (Expand)

blackcoat, 2008-03-26 06:23 pm UTC (Expand)

fax_celestis, 2008-03-26 06:26 pm UTC (Expand)

blackcoat, 2008-03-26 06:36 pm UTC (Expand)

fax_celestis, 2008-03-26 06:56 pm UTC (Expand)

blackcoat, 2008-03-26 07:05 pm UTC (Expand)

fax_celestis, 2008-03-26 06:58 pm UTC (Expand)

blackcoat, 2008-03-26 07:04 pm UTC (Expand)

fax_celestis, 2008-03-26 07:05 pm UTC (Expand)

scyllacat, 2008-03-26 07:27 pm UTC (Expand)

johannah_rose, 2008-03-26 07:39 pm UTC (Expand)

e_scapism101, 2008-03-26 05:30 pm UTC (Expand)

	babymonkey 2008-03-26 05:00 pm UTC (link)
	I'm pretty sure that's how all of my relations with people ever started too. It just seemed much easier. (Reply to this)

	johannah_rose 2008-03-26 05:02 pm UTC (link)
	I've foudn that such things work for me too. However, I am A) female and B) hot. (Reply to this)(Thread)(Expand)

elise, 2008-03-26 05:07 pm UTC (Expand)

theferrett, 2008-03-26 05:55 pm UTC (Expand)

elise, 2008-03-26 06:05 pm UTC (Expand)

blackcoat, 2008-03-26 06:32 pm UTC (Expand)

:) -

dgowers, 2008-04-03 08:51 am UTC (Expand)

sumidha, 2008-03-27 02:26 am UTC (Expand)

	e_scapism101 2008-03-26 05:04 pm UTC (link)
	I'm not amazed at how often that worked. The direct approach is awesome. (Reply to this)

usafpa
2008-03-26 05:06 pm UTC (link)

I bet asking girls if you can fuck them would cut down on did she or did she not give consent entanglements. Hell, carry cards, make them sign a card that they want to be fucked. Make them check off boxesw on whether or not they will permit the action of your choice and if they like it rough, medium or gentle.

I'm a girl. Fuck them all. I'm tired of girls that can't make up their mind and guys who fuck girls who are so drunk they can't stand up. Carry cards. Make them sign. 2 copies, one for each of you. The card could indicate what birth control is being used for those accidental pregnancy lawsuits.

It could be a federal legal form, on the internet. Print one out, everybody signs and checks what they are in the mood for and off to bed.

(Reply to this)(Thread)(Expand)

fireshaper87, 2008-04-02 04:05 am UTC (Expand)

	anivair 2008-03-26 05:06 pm UTC (link)
	Oz: I'm gonna ask you to go out with me tomorrow night. And I'm kinda nervous about it, actually. It's interesting. Willow: Oh! Well, if it helps at all, I'm gonna say "yes." (Reply to this)(Thread)(Expand)

reannon, 2008-03-26 05:11 pm UTC (Expand)

theferrett, 2008-03-26 05:11 pm UTC (Expand)

anivair, 2008-03-26 05:25 pm UTC (Expand)

theferrett, 2008-03-26 05:54 pm UTC (Expand)

mightydoll, 2008-03-26 06:50 pm UTC (Expand)

cynicalcleric, 2008-03-27 12:16 am UTC (Expand)

I use the past-tense because I'm married now and monogamous

johannah_rose
2008-03-26 05:06 pm UTC (link)

I feel compelled to add to my earlier comment. Speaking as a woman, I like being treated like a person. There is a certain respect that comes with being up front with someone about your intentions. I could almost always tell when a man had alterior motives. Sometimes that made me feel like he thought I was stupid enough to fall for some juvenile "trick" to get me into bed, which is just insulting. Men who were up front and wasted neither their time nor mine had much better luck with me.

(Reply to this)(Thread)(Expand)

Re: I use the past-tense because I'm married now and monogamous -

dr_pipe, 2008-03-26 06:08 pm UTC (Expand)

Re: I use the past-tense because I'm married now and monogamous -

johannah_rose, 2008-03-26 06:26 pm UTC (Expand)

jeffpalmatier
2008-03-26 05:07 pm UTC (link)

Everyone else I knew was waiting for the signs, trying to dope out the perfect moment when they were synced enough to kiss her and start things.

I was one of those foolish people. It later dawned on me that oftentimes I misread or totally imagined what I thought were signs. I was trying to avoid rejection by being clever and calculating. I later realized that there is a price to pay for whatever you want to do in life. If you want to get dates and related activities, you have to just accept rejection and other embarrassments comes with the territory.

(Reply to this)(Thread)(Expand)

theferrett, 2008-03-27 04:14 am UTC (Expand)

	phillipalden 2008-03-26 05:13 pm UTC (link)
	I hate games, and gay men play them all the time. (Not that I'm letting heterosexual people off the hook.) One of the many reasons I love my partner is that he's a straightforward, honest and open guy. So I'm with you: No Head Games! (Reply to this)(Thread)(Expand)

theferrett, 2008-03-26 05:53 pm UTC (Expand)

phillipalden, 2008-03-27 04:07 am UTC (Expand)

theferrett, 2008-03-27 04:10 am UTC (Expand)

phillipalden, 2008-03-27 04:37 am UTC (Expand)

	blackcoat 2008-03-26 05:13 pm UTC (link)
	The pick up line that I have used with the most success in my life was "Nice shoes, wanna fuck?" (Reply to this)(Thread)(Expand)

elise, 2008-03-26 05:16 pm UTC (Expand)

blackcoat, 2008-03-26 05:19 pm UTC (Expand)

elise, 2008-03-26 05:24 pm UTC (Expand)

blackcoat, 2008-03-26 05:26 pm UTC (Expand)

theferrett, 2008-03-26 05:52 pm UTC (Expand)

the_xtina, 2008-03-26 06:11 pm UTC (Expand)

damerell, 2008-03-26 07:34 pm UTC (Expand)

theferrett, 2008-03-26 05:21 pm UTC (Expand)

blackcoat, 2008-03-26 05:31 pm UTC (Expand)

theferrett, 2008-03-26 05:47 pm UTC (Expand)

blackcoat, 2008-03-26 07:16 pm UTC (Expand)

mattador, 2008-03-26 05:28 pm UTC (Expand)

theferrett, 2008-03-26 05:47 pm UTC (Expand)

mattador, 2008-03-26 05:53 pm UTC (Expand)

blackcoat, 2008-03-26 07:10 pm UTC (Expand)

mattador, 2008-03-26 07:26 pm UTC (Expand)

greektoomey, 2008-03-26 05:45 pm UTC (Expand)

blackcoat, 2008-03-26 06:25 pm UTC (Expand)

A variation and the results... -

fireshaper87, 2008-04-02 04:14 am UTC (Expand)

	reannon 2008-03-26 05:21 pm UTC (link)
	I have to say, my first thought at reading this was that you meant you were terrible IN BED. :) I am glad to see you just meant terrible at reading the signs. Hey, a guy who just asked might throw me off my feed a bit, but that can be fun too. And much better than trying the mind-reading thing. (Reply to this)(Thread)(Expand)

theferrett, 2008-03-26 05:48 pm UTC (Expand)

blackcoat, 2008-03-26 07:11 pm UTC (Expand)

theferrett, 2008-03-27 04:11 am UTC (Expand)

kitashla
2008-03-26 05:26 pm UTC (link)

My husband adopted that policy years ago, which may be why he was so successful getting laid randomly and regularly. (He did it with me too, the first time we were together.)

He said he started it because that way it eliminated the possibility that he was doing something the girl didn't want. Every time he wanted to take things one step further, he'd ask.

He said it seemed to go over really well with most girls and he's never lacked for partners.

So, I think that kill the romance thing might not be true.

(Reply to this)(Thread)(Expand)

noevilliveon, 2008-03-26 05:40 pm UTC (Expand)

theferrett, 2008-03-26 05:58 pm UTC (Expand)

noevilliveon, 2008-03-26 09:07 pm UTC (Expand)

casu_consulto, 2008-03-28 12:38 am UTC (Expand)

fireshaper87, 2008-04-02 04:20 am UTC (Expand)

theferrett, 2008-03-26 05:51 pm UTC (Expand)

	waya 2008-03-26 05:46 pm UTC (link)
	I've been on both ends of that same question. I used it myself after someone else used it on me and I found it adorable. (Reply to this)

atdt1991
2008-03-26 05:53 pm UTC (link)

Hmm, I know I may be laying out some uncomfortable things here about my own MO, but oh well, I've never been afraid of that.

I'm not afraid of rejection as such, but I -am- awfully concerned about ruining a good or promising friendship due to someone else's perceptions. See, I have no problem with saying, "hey, I'm interested", getting a "no thanks", and being perfectly comfortable with that. I DO have a problem with saying "I'm interested!" and having someone suddenly assume every goddamn time I'm giving them a hug, I'm thinking about them in bed.

So, as a general rule (excluding those who totally compel me out of it), I am generally flirty with everyone. If someone else is interested, they'll flirt back, and I will happily up the ante until we're in bed. That can take from months to minutes, depending on ther person, and all of my partners have called me extremely confident, so I don't think it comes off badly.

I'm specifically and exclusively attracted to intelligent people, and I think that's why I've never run into a situation where someone thought I was trying to "pull something" - if I'm flirting and I mean it, you'll know, and you'll know I know you know, y'know?

I guess you could say that I'm not looking for plausible deniability on MY end, but I am interested in leaving a "graceful exit" for my potential partner.

I am sure I miss out on some action that way. *shrugs* I have been quite steadily sexed since about sixteen, so who cares, y'know?

The first day my lovely girlfriend and I met, I was taking nude photographs of her for her ex-boyfriend (fun story!); we watched Secretary on our first date, and you can imagine how phenomenally that went. *big grin*

I think I'm just pretty easygoing about sex or no-sex, and ultimately that works in my favor.

OH! The whole reason I wanted to reply: I briefly dated a woman who accused me of ruining the tension when we'd been laying in bed together, flirting with our faces a few inches away from each other, and I asked if I could kiss her (she did say yes). For pete's sake, lady! You should feel lucky I asked at all, 'cause I can and have spent an entire evening like that, to that particular girl's frustration (heh, that was a first date, too).

Wow. Could I possibly have been less concise?

(Reply to this)(Thread)(Expand)

directordale, 2008-03-26 06:15 pm UTC (Expand)

atdt1991, 2008-03-26 07:02 pm UTC (Expand)

sinanju
2008-03-26 05:58 pm UTC (link)

I was gaming with friends one night when one of the gals mentioned that "Aliens" was playing at a midnight movie and did anyone want to go see it. I'm a big fan of the movie, so I agreed. The two of us went to see the movie. After the movie she drove me home and then said, "Would you mind terribly if I kissed you?"

(Yeah, the whole impromptu 'group' movie outing thing was a ruse, which I failed to recognize. Plan B worked like a charm, though.)

(Reply to this)

missexpatria
2008-03-26 06:08 pm UTC (link)

Recently, a guy who has been my friend for 20 years thanked me for the best advice I ever gave him about getting with a girl. He said ti worked about 90% of the time, and when it didn't, he never got shit for it from the girl.

I hadn't remembered giving it to him, but it was this: When you're at a party or somewhere and you're successfully flirting with a girl, just say, "Wanna go around the corner and make out?"

He said girls were always like, "Fuck yes!"

Go figure.

(Reply to this)(Thread)(Expand)

theferrett, 2008-03-27 04:11 am UTC (Expand)

directordale
2008-03-26 06:10 pm UTC (link)

Sadly I have always thought about asking women just like that but have yet to bring up the courage to do so. I always think will but chicken out at the actual moment when the question should be asked.

Maybe this will change in a few months/years after I'm tired of me current rut of having something seem like has potential to become serious and then have the woman drop me cold after three or four dates or say something like "next time is just as friends. okay?"

Interestingly there have been about four times in the past year when I have just been able to kiss a woman and have it be accepted. Okay the last time I did this it was awkward and I got an apologetic e-mail the next day about how she broke up with her boyfriend of 3.5 years and needed to be single with a promise of maybe more later that did not happen. I discovered this week that she has a new boyfriend or maybe it is the old one. I don't know.

(Reply to this)(Thread)(Expand)

theferrett, 2008-03-27 04:10 am UTC (Expand)

directordale, 2008-03-27 01:28 pm UTC (Expand)

mightydoll
2008-03-26 06:58 pm UTC (link)

Whenever my female friends are bemoaning a lack of sex in their lives, I ask them: "well, have you tried asking? It's remarkably effective." Usually they "aren't that sort of girl" or whatever, and it comes out the long way is not that they want SEX but what they can get out of having sex with someone from whom they want more than sex.

At least it helps with the perspective. Fact is, sex is not hard to get and relationships also, do not have to be that complicated, but some people just like to complicate it anyway. ;)

Personally, I've yet to have someone turn me down when I've asked directly.

(Reply to this)(Thread)(Expand)

theferrett, 2008-03-27 04:09 am UTC (Expand)

mightydoll, 2008-03-27 01:30 pm UTC (Expand)

kisekinotenshi
2008-03-26 07:07 pm UTC (link)

I think my biggest problem, as someone who's been on a grand total of three dates in her entire life and no relationships, is separating fantasy from reality. I have absolutely no experience. I've kissed two people, a total of ten times altogether, and I have no idea about anything else. Popular culture tells me to act one way, my friends tell me to act another, people I might be interested in tell me to act another, and I just get confused and end up doing some weird combination of the three that scares people away. I try to be myself, I scare people off. I try to be someone else, I scare people off. I try to be one thing, the other thing, and I end up scaring everyone off. Subtlety doesn't work, bluntness doesn't work, I give up.

I've never tried this approach before, but I'm so sick of the whole thing that it may be a while before I get up the courage to try any kind of approach. Maybe after I move and am in a fresh dating pool (at least fresh to me).

(Reply to this)(Thread)(Expand)

johannah_rose, 2008-03-26 07:50 pm UTC (Expand)

kisekinotenshi, 2008-03-26 08:23 pm UTC (Expand)

theferrett, 2008-03-27 04:08 am UTC (Expand)

kisekinotenshi, 2008-03-27 06:44 am UTC (Expand)