Last night, I experienced a transformation. As I put the DVD into the player, I was settling in to watch a freak show, a bizarre competition as stupid as the Rock Paper Scissors Championships, something fit only for laughs.

Yet by the time the movie was over, I was convinced of the validity of this sport. Having seen the amateurs perform alongside the pros, I realized that in fact there was a talent involved in this activity… And that some people had it while others did not.

You, too, should watch Air Guitar Nation.

The movie roughly follows the adventures of two of the top American competitors battling it out on the way to the Air Guitar world championships, proving that there is no activity so stupid that people will not compete for a prize in it. The underdog has the best name in the history of mankind – his stage monicker is Bjorn Turoque.

It does not matter how many times I hear that name. “Bjorn Turoque” causes me to giggle incessantly every time.

Bjorn is the author of the book “To Air Is Human,” and he is hungry for victory – seeking sponsorships so he can beat his accursed rival, C-Diddy. Here! Watch a video of Bjorn at the 2005 World Championships:

Here’s the thing: Chances are good that in the course of watching the movie, I’ve seen more professional air guitar attempts than you have. And I can pinpoint the flaw in this performance.

Bjorn has technical talent – part of the Air Guitar school (yes, there’s a school that you pay money to attend) is about “Technical Merit,” which is to say how closely you replicate the experience of holding a guitar. Watch his hands; they could be clutching an invisible Stratocaster. It’s a marvelous feat.

But in the end, the flaw with Bjorn is that it looks too much like an actual guitar show. Part of the brilliance of air guitar is that you can be a little cartoonish, to do things that people really can’t do while making music… And as good as he is, he looks like a guy on stage playing a guitar.

Now take his adversary C-Diddy.

C-Diddy, who married his air guitar protégé, knows how to bring the stage presence. He wears a “Hello Kitty” mask in this one, and though like most air guitarists it’s arguable that he should showing off his bare stomach, watch the mastery of this performance.

This is, I kid you not, sheer brilliance. If you watch nothing else, watch this today.

See that? It’s unreal what he does. You couldn’t play the guitar like that. But that’s the way you want to look when you play the guitar – strong, powerful, and absolutely fucking batshit.

Sure, it’s over the top! Dammit, Jim, this is air guitar!

(Hell, the guy who spent the entire evening in a wheelchair, was pushed onto stage, and then rose to his feet after being healed by The Power Of Rock makes C-Diddy look like an accountant, showwise.)

The funny thing is that I want to try out for the next qualifiers… But I know from watching Air Guitar Nation that we all think we look good when we rock out. Only a chosen few can transform that brain ideal into physical wonderment.

For those about to air-rock, I salute you.

(Tell me I'm full of it)